lookBPL | Society + Culture

Not all addictions are detrimental to one’s soul [believe you me]. And let’s be honest, the coffee addiction struggle is real - yet manageable. So when I moved to The Big Easy the beginning of this year and wasn’t immediately greeted by the universally known and iconic green + white symbol; which, literally occupies every street corner in Los Angeles, San Diego, New York, Philadelphia, Valencia - Spain (just a few of the fab cities I’ve lived in), as well as, oh practically every other major city worldwide and podunk town across the United States... I immediately began to go into withdrawal.

- The Shakes - Intense Sweating - Extreme Depression

... you know, the Works (OK I may be exaggerating oh ever so slightly... but you get the severity of the situation).

But then. It was as if God himself and/or herself... heard my cries. Felt my pain. And all my prayers were answered.

Apparently, NOLA, being the eccentric city that it is, does not need to conform with mainstream America by littering it’s streets with Tall, Grande, Venti, and Trenti (how & why that became a thing) cups. You know why? Because it has something to offers us addicts, that is so. much. more.

- More Splendid - More Delicious - More Yummy

“You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy” Ciara, Level Up

Locally Owned Coffee Boutiques.

Yes, I realize this concept of “independent coffee shops” is nothing new and probably not even worth writing about - I mean every city has them. But the sheer fact that there is more of them than there is of “The Man’s” coffee establishments, brings a happily caffeinated smile to my face. 

Drink it up - here just a few of my coffee faves. And, You’re Welcome 😘

Sacred Grinds 5055 Canal Street

Church Alley Coffee Bar 4201 Canal Street

French Truck Coffee 1200 Magazine Street

Pulp and Grind 644 Camp Street

(TY Jason I. for a fabulously hilarious…yet accurate title)

Urban Dictionary describes Basic as the following: (definition 1)

1. Used to describe someone devoid of defining characteristics that might make a person interesting, extraordinary, or just simply worth devoting time or attention to.

2. Lacking intelligence and unable to socialize on even an elementary level.

3. Annoyingly frustrating because of the above.

I used to… and if I’m being honest, at times still do find my self thinking that a Basic bitch is that “devoid” person who:

A. works an uninteresting 9-5.

B. drives a “whatever” car or worse rides the bus – which is most definitely un-extraordinary.

C. does Basic things like – go to the movies, bed by 10pm, and reads (aka boring and not worth my time).

… I was so tragically mistaken. For over a decade I had subscribed to the Hollywood idea that if I drank with the richest, did copious amounts of cocaine with the most fabulous, and gossiped with the bitchiest then I’ve made it. No way in hell anyone would or could ever deem me “Basic.”

Urban Dictionary has a secondary definition of Basic which reads: (definition 2)

only interested in things mainstream, popular, and trending.

… in short, a person who thinks that drinking with the richest, doing copious amounts of cocaine with the most “fabulous”, and gossiping with the bitchiest deems you NOT basic. Wrong! OMG --- I’ve been Basic my whole life and I was too Basic to even realize (as I come to this realization while drinking a Perrier because I think it makes me look chicer than drinking from a Crystal Geyser Alpine Spring plastic bottle).

The irony of it all is that I’ve recently… get this [pause for effect]:

- started a 9 to 6 J O B (6pm WTF).

- loaded up my monthly TAP bus card.

- and activated my MoviePass card, generally shoot for a 10pm (if not earlier) bedtime and am launching an LA book club.

I’m finally beginning to un-Basic myself and way of thought. Because you know what I’m discovering with my newfound enlightenment, is that; having this 9-6 allows me the financial freedom to travel, explore, and live life to its fullest. Branching out and away from the typical cocktails (well…sparkling water now that I’m sober) at Trader Vic’s Beverly Hilton or hiking Runyon Canyon for the millionth time, simply because that’s what you do when you live in LA. This 9-6 is allowing me to live and explore this amazing city. Finally being able to take advantage of it for all its worth.

And you know what - I’m so at peace on the bus. However, believe you me…I will be getting a new “whatever” car soon. But in the meanwhile, I love witnessing the interactions between strangers on public transportation. Just the other day this LA comedian (probably en route to an audition), had me in stitches as he was practicing his “thing” on fellow bus patrons. Not an experience I would have had isolated in my vehicle, alone, sitting in traffic.

And don’t get me started on the movies. I used to love going to the movies solo (back before I was Hollywood Basic), so I’m falling back in love with the big screen and a tub of popcorn. And…I’m 30-something now. It’s vital I get my beauty rest. So yes, you will find me in bed at a decent hour and up early, fresh and ready to enjoy the blessings of a new day. AND, taking my eyes off of the smartphone and in the direction of a words on a page is an experience I’m beyond stoked for… so a book club. Hell yeah! I was Basic, yes, that happened. And some Hollywood’ers may still deem me so if were going off Urban definition 1. But Basic or not I’m ready to tackle life head on and experience the heck out of it.

xoxo

Your Basic Bitch - Marcus Anthony Gray

  Another of Urban Dictionary’s definitions of Basic… just for shits & giggles 😂 

Gay Pride... not just about the party. Who knew?

As a young-ish gay male in his 30′s, I’ve recently felt inclined to get more involved in my community. You know, actually invest my time in a worthy cause outside of myself. But as someone who has generally associated Gay Pride with clubbing, cocktails, and cock (guilty as charged), I thought it overdue to delve further into the meaning behind the floats and disco in the streets and look behind the sheer commercialization of the city wide events.

“Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) is currently  celebrated each year in the month of June to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots in  Manhattan. The Stonewall riots were a tipping point for the Gay Liberation  Movement in the United States.” (1)

It’s easy to forget in today’s day and age of millennials who say and do whatever they want - myself included, that not so long ago being gay was right up there with being black in a white America. Not so popular. Truthfully, I can’t imagine a world in which I couldn’t hold the hand of my partner and cozy up to him proudly in public all while living in fear of being harassed and persecuted. With that said, I do realize that I live in a socially accepting bubble. Having only ever spent any real time in major cities - Los Angeles, New York, Philadelphia, San Diego; all in which being gay is trendy and almost more popular than being a heterosexual male. I mean who doesn’t love a fabulous GBF?

However, it’s crucial that from time to time we bust ones own bubble to see the truths of the world in which we occupy in order to stay present and see beyond the blinders we often wear to navigate through life. According to a report produced by the Human Rights Campaign, statistical information collected by the Federal Bureau of Investigation consistently shows that lesbian, gay and bisexual people, and those perceived to be LGBT, are attacked more than heterosexuals relative to their estimated population size in the United states. Since 1991, more than 100,000 hate crime offenses have been reported to the FBI. Sexual orientation consistently ranks as the third-highest motivator for hate crime incidents (17 percent of total attacks).

“The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that lesbian,  gay, bisexual and transgender individuals have had on history locally,  nationally, and internationally.” (1)

So while I may not be subjected to day to day discrimination (or worse) because of my sexuality, many others are. And this is why we celebrate Gay Pride. To remember those who have fought and lived and who continue to fight and live for equality and social justice. Because outside of my own bubble there is still a movement which needs to be recognized and supported, so that anyone anywhere can hold the hand of their partner and cozy up in public without being fearful of ignorant hate-filled individuals who unfortunately still infect our communities.

This Pride, go clubbing - sip on those cocktails - and get that cock (LOL), but remember the efforts its taken and will continue to take for us to enjoy these freedoms and enables us to celebrate with Pride.

- Marcus Anthony Gray

Get Involved/Support:

West Hollywood, Los Angeles: https://lalgbtcenter.org/

Hillcrest, San Diego: http://www.thecentersd.org/

https://www.hrc.org/

https://www.glaad.org/

http://www.noh8campaign.com/

Upcoming Pride Celebration :

San Diego Pride | July 13-15, 2018: https://sdpride.org/

A beaming smile and enough charm to sweep you off your feet all to mask a secret. You see, the thing about secrets are that they remain hidden – festering and eating away at your soul, until you’re fully exposed stripped down and bare for the world to see. This was / is my truth. And if I’ve learned anything these past two and half years it’s that in order to regain ones standing and reclaim life – the life you’ve (I’ve) been destined for, my truth must be spoken (or in this case, blogged) aloud.

Truth:

The truth is that I struggle with depression and addiction.

“The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) estimates that in the United States, 16 million adults had at least one major depressive episode in 2012. That's 6.9 percent of the population. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. It is a leading cause of disability.”

“According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 21.5 million American adults (aged 12 and older) battled a substance use disorder in 2014. Over 7 million Americans in 2014 battled a drug use disorder, per NSDUH.”

And the funny thing about these struggles, are that you (I), tell yourself (myself), that this isn’t your plight. You aren’t like those millions of people who have “issues.” Your circumstances are different, you’re happy…ish. You’re intelligent. Witty. Educated. Confident. You can put down the drink or drug when you wish. You’re in control. You don’t need it. This – whatever this is, is all just for fun, a good time. And honestly this may have rang true for a season. Until it wasn’t. And, all it takes is the perfect storm – the end of a relationship, financial insecurities, depression, anxiety, etc.… and what may seem like you one day waking up to discover you’re a manic depressive addict; in truth, is that this has been building up and waiting to grip a hold of your life for sometime. The ultimate secret, that even you didn’t know you were keeping – hidden cleverly from yourself. Now what?

Without delving into the dark gritty depths of my despair let me fast forward a bit to the here and now.

The Here and Now:

Nearly a year of treatment – residential and outpatient programs alike and familiarizing myself with the 12 Step program, I find myself in a state of limbo. You see, coming to the realization that you need help and have a problem greater than yourself is only the first step in a long and exhausting journey (that sometimes seems impossible with no end in sight). You’re now enlightened – aware of your “issues” and unable to place blame for your shortcomings on anything but yourself – honestly, it sucks. Living with the blinders of addiction was so much easier (not really…but it feels as if). Now you’re stuck with cleaning up the wreckage of your past. And in this process discover a new way to move forward, live again, smile – a true sincere smile, not to be worn as a mask.

And that’s where I find myself. Coming back to Los Angeles from San Diego (where I had a strong recovery family/foundation) - back to the city that I love and hate simultaneously, is nerve-racking. Definitely doesn’t help the anxiety issue; however, in order to re-discover myself and rebuild a new and better life – personally and professionally,  I know it’s where I must be. So there it is,in a nutshell. So now when you wonder where I’ve been the last two + years, this is where. Lost. And I may not be fully found yet – however, I am surely on a better path, in pursuit of true unadulterated happiness.