I see how it is *cracks knuckles*
And this drunk conversation happens at Robertās apartment. Hermās been here before at the party before the shroud shit went down but he hasnāt really been back since. But theyāve reconnected and at least are friends again. Robertās helped Herm out a lot with pep talks and choosing him over Phen. Herm helped save Robertās ass from Flambae and helped take down shroud. Theyāre at least friends again. And the team knows by now they have some form of history but they donāt..exactly know what it is.
Herm got wasted after numerous drinks at the bar with the team and Robert offers to take him home and he asks if he still lives at that place with his grandma like he used to. Herm blinks for a few moments before saying āN-Not anymoreā¦ā with a sad look. Robert understands what that means and he changes the subject, asking where he lives. Herm canāt think of the address so Robert just thinks āfuck itā and takes him to his home.
Herm insists on being put in the bathtub cause he doesnāt wanna ruin Robertās couch and Robert lets him but..they chat, Robert sitting on the floor leant against the tub and Herm in the tub. And they talk about a lot of things. Both happy things and sad things. They just..talk.
And then Herm says āwhere d-did we go w-wrong Robert?ā
And Robert is surprised and he goes quiet for a few moments, so Herm continues. He says he knows he wasnāt the prettiest, or the smartest, or the coolest. He knows he wasnāt good enough to help Robert out during that time. He wanted to so bad but he just..wasnāt good enough. Robert tries to interrupt but Herm keeps going. He says he was so hurt, so mad, so upset that Robert..left. But he understands. He wasnāt what Robert needed.
And then he sniffles, crying, saying he just hates how he still wants Robert. All these years he hasnāt really loved anyone as much as Robert. And how when they reconnected he fell deep into it all over again. Cause despite everything that happened he loves him. He wants him so bad. But itās not possible. He doesnāt have a shot. Heās not..good enough.
And Robert takes Hermās face in his hands and looks him seriously and he says it was NEVER Hermās fault. It was his own. And he will NEVER forgive himself for running like a fucking coward and he certainly wonāt EVER forgive himself for making Herm feel this way. He then tells Herm he needs to sleep and if they wanna talk more in the morning they can. But he needs to sleep.
The next morning isā¦awkward to say the least. Herm wakes up and doesnāt remember much but he remembers spilling his heart out..and Robert holding his face with a very serious expression. Roberts awake and heās gotā¦crackersā¦if he wants to help himself to some crackers for breakfast. He doesnāt..have much that wonāt make him sick. Herm is a little amused cause even when Robert is getting his life together..even after all the years apart, Robert is remembering Herm only eats certain foods. And after Herm settles in a little robert asks if they want to talk. He has a lot to say, but only if Herm wants.
Robert tells Herm about back then. The weight of it all. The fear, the pressure theā¦numbness. All of it. He lost his dad who he constantly tried to get his attention, he suddenly had the entire Robertson and Mecha man legacy on his shoulders. He suddenly had a suit to take care of. He had everything in his fatherās name in his own. It wasā¦a lot. And he could just..feel his fatherās scorn and pressure to hurry up and continue the Mecha man legacy. He felt..no other purpose. He forced himself not to cry the night he decided to ghost Herm.
And heās always regretted it. He always wondered about Herm. He always hoped Herm was happy. He hoped he was save and loved. Nothing..felt as good as being with Herm did. And he knows they were teens but fuck it was nice to have someone give a damn and see him as a person. Then they met again.
Robert felt he had no right to be part of Hermās life and yet they became intertwined again. And..they actually are living out that promise they made to be heroes together..just..differently than heād hoped and expected. He was happy to just have Herm as a friend cause he didnāt think he deserved that much. And now he knows he seriously fucked up and he will spend all his life trying to make up for what he did, and if he canāt he will support or fuck off as Herm needs.
He..likes Herm too. He thinks he loves him even. He hasnāt felt anything like this since he was a kid but itās..different now. And he doesnāt know if..they should be together. He understands if Herm comes to his senses and drops him like a used cigarette. But..he wants Herm to know that heās..always been enough for him. Even if he did a shitty job showing it.
And Herm tears up and cries again. Robert wants to comfort but he wants to give Herm his space.
He tells Herm not to make any quick decisions. He wants Herm to think, really think about this. Heās seen how Robert is now. And yeah heās in therapy now but..heās still got..problems. He doesnāt want to drag Herm down with him. But..he does..love him. And heāll be here and heāll be his friend no matter what the answer is. Heās not leaving him ever again.
And so Herm does go to his own apartment and for a while he does deep thinking. And throughout this period Robert is still good to him. He doesnāt ask or pressure or prod. He treats him like he has been. Like things are normal. He patiently waits. Itās two weeks before Herm has his answer.
Herm asks Robert if heād like to visit his place and Robert is surprised but agrees. So they do and Hermās space is lovely, cozy and yet..lonely. Robert sees all the nerdy merch he has, all the family photos of Herm and his family. Of his grandma. Robert feels a bit sad he never said goodbye to her either. She was lovely. He sees comics and nonfiction books and so so so much plastic wrap.
Herm offers to make them dinner and Robert blinks, surprised. He wasnāt expecting it at all. Herm wants..him to have dinner? Heās making him food. Huh. They chat as Herm cooks and eventually they sit and eat together, chatting even more. Laughing, like, actually laughing together too.
But then Herm goes quiet and he says he brought..Robert over to give his answer. And Robert waits patiently as Herm collects himself, fidgeting.
Herm says..he still wants Robert. And he wants to be with him. But they need to communicate and rely on each other. Robert canāt..hide himself away anymore like he did. He canāt run away if itās gonna work. Robert says he doesnāt plan on running. Not when heās got Herm right beside him again.
So Herm blushes and he smiles. He asks since itās a fresh start..they should go on a first date..again. And robert smiles and asks where he wants to go?
And they spend the rest of the night before they pass out talking about date ideas.
