I Like Your Laugh (A CrowSquirrel AU) - Chapter 14.
It had reached Sunhigh by the time the Tribe had finally abandoned the clan cats. The group had been taken away from the Tribe, without Stormfur, and had been led to the edge of the their territory near another smooth cliff face that ran along the mountain. It was a clear path that offered no trouble for the group.
But how could they go that path without one of their own.
Crowpaw had remained silent, despite his pelt being spike with rage the whole walk. Every time he even looked at one of those mange ridden outcasts, he felt an amazing desire to pounce on them there and then and rip the nearest one he could to tatters.
He kept his head low though. The group had a clear plan and it would do no good to ruin it just to rush the justice he knew they were eventually going to deliver.
The Tribe had apologised, even claiming theyâd be happy to see the cats again once their precious prophecy was delivered.
Crowpaw kept his mouth shut; if he opened it he knew he would be latching it onto a Tribe catâs throat.
He stuck with the plan. They left without any trouble, though they still looked back and saw the Tribe watching them with a mixture of hesitation and threat.
Heâd glared back, suddenly not wanting to move another step. He refused to be intimidated by these strays. Every part of him that was a Warrior screamed at him to run back and accept their challenge. But a smooth face rubbed against his.
âCome on.â Feathertail mewed. âWeâll be back soon enough.â
The touch somehow had the power to make Crowpaw lower his tail and ears, following on with their plan.
She was going through enough as it was. He couldnât make this difficult for her.
She was trying her best to look unaffected as they carried on travelling; they had to in case those Tribe cats were secretly following them, but theyâd turn back once it was dark enough for the ebony blanket to cover their pelts. But Crowpaw knew that Feathertail was clearly hurting from the idea of leaving Stormfur with the Tribe. He kept close beside her, he didnât want to leave her side for a second, if she started tearing up like she had last night Crowpaw would never forgive himself if he wasnât there by her side.
âAny sign of them following us?â Tawnypelt mewed from the front, her tail straightening tensely.
Feathertail glanced back, sniffing the air. One ear flicked, and her pelt frazzled calmly. âI canât smell them, so thatâs a positive.â Tawnypelt nodded, relaxed.
Crowpaw scoffed, his tail lashing. âIf we do see them, theyâre Crowfood.â He muttered under his breath.
Not quiet enough as Brambleclaw looked back from the front of the group, his muzzle in a thin line. âRemember, we want to do this without fighting if we can. We canât afford injuries now.â He meowed. Crowpaw was surprised by the calmness in the Warriorâs voice. âWeâll just make them think weâve left for now.â
The brown tomâs eyes were patient on the younger cat. Not condescending like they had been for the majority of the journey.
He was looking at Crowpaw like an equal rather than an apprentice.
The Windclan cat was astonished that he found that satisfying.
Crowpaw nodded back levelly. He couldnât argue the Warriorâs logic, but he was just so angry at how things had turned out on the mountains.
Oh well, heâd probably get his chance to release that frustration later.
He felt Feathertailâs soft pelt brush his own and he stiffened. âJust be patient, it wonât be long before it gets dark.â She mewed tenderly.
Crowpaw let out a murmur of agreement, currently trying to avoid the way that the Warrior was looking at him. Feathertail chuckled with a smile, turning back ahead. Crowpaw couldnât face those eyes, not after what he thought heâd seen in them last night.
Heâd passed it off as her typical warmth at the time, but the more he found her gaze, the more he saw it, and the more he saw it the more he noticed that there really was something else.
Something that scared Crowpaw to his bones.
It couldnât be true. He had to be wrong.
But Feathertailâs actions only seemed determined to prove him right. While Crowpaw had happily walked beside her, it hadnât been him that caused their pelts to touch every few minutes, it wasnât him who sighed in great contentment when he pressed back, and it hadnât been him who looked at the other like they hoped to be more than clanmates.
It wasnât that Crowpaw was disgusted by the idea. He just felt an intense confusion. What could he have ever done to deserve the things he assumed were true?
He always came up with nothing. He was an apprentice. He was Windclan. He was quick-tempered. There was no reason that she would like him like that.
Hence, why he always ended up screaming at his overthinking mind that he was wrong.
She was probably just clinging close to him because he was a friend and she was going through something terrible. It would make sense that she wanted someone to lean on. Crowpaw could do that much at least.
He hoped that was enough.
As they made their way across the rocky climb of the mountain, they found the path fall into the land of a grassy hollow. The crevice bubbled with a thin stream of water that embedded into the mountain inside a small pool with water as clear as a New-leaf sky. Crowpaw could just about see shapes of silver glide in the water and his stomach growled at the thought of fish. He also caught the scents of prey where the hollow broke away behind a wall of bushes.
âCanât we stop here?â Squirrelpaw mewed. She had been at the front of the group the whole way and was now flashing her emerald eyes at Brambleclaw. âThey said we need to hunt and drink when we can, and we could wait here until it gets dark enough to turn back.â
That sounded like a fine idea to Crowpaw. They didnât want to go too far away from the cave. However, there was still the threat of the Tribe cats following them lingering in the air.
Brambleclaw clearly had the same worries about him, though Crowpaw could also see surprise in the older catâs face. Maybe shocked that Squirrelpaw was asking him, like she actually respected his decisions? Then again, that wasnât so hard for Crowpaw to understand. After last night, Crowpaw couldnât deny that Brambleclaw truly did have every catâs best interest in his mind.
Brambleclaw looked unsure for a moment, then he relented with a nod. âOkay, but someone will need to make sure the Tribe isnât following us.â
âIâll take first watch,â Tawnypelt called, strolling away before any cat could interject. Crowpaw couldnât help but admire her quick and strong personality. She could have been their leader herself if she wanted. âIf I catch their scents, Iâll be quick to let you guys know.â
The group all mewed in agreement. âMake sure youâre in a place where the wind is heading in your direction. It will make it easier to catch them.â Squirrelpaw meowed. Crowpawâs tail curled, he turned to grin at her. Trying to take credit for that advice, Squirrelbrain.
Squirrelpaw caught his eye, smiling quickly and thinly, then turned away again. Stoic.
Crowpaw felt himself slacken.
Tawnypelt rolled her eyes, but she looked genuinely thankful regardless. âDonât worry, I will.â She said, padding away carefully between the rocks like she was tracking a mouse.
âRight.â Brambleclaw meowed, âIâll head out into the hollow if you three want to check out the water for fish.â He suggested, giving a gentle look of permittance to his clanmate. Crowpawâs eyes widened. He wants to let her know that he accepts her decision. Once again, Crowpaw felt his admiration for the Warrior heâd hated rush. He remembered clearly that Brambleclaw had not trusted her to be with the others before, it was what had led him to act like the mouse-brain heâd been.
He really had been learning.
But Squirrelpaw, to every catâs amazement, disagreed. She swiftly shook her head, bounding up to where Brambleclaw stood. âThatâs fine. Iâll go with you into the hollow.â
Brambleclawâs jaw hung open, âOh. Um, sure, if you want to.â
Squirrelpaw shrugged, âIt will be better if weâre both in groups.â Brambleclaw nodded again, a clear shine of delight in his eyes. Crowpaw stiffened, his stomach twisting. Why didnât she want to go with them? Squirrelpaw looked back, tenderly looking at her friends. âYou two will be fine, right?â It wasnât so much a question as it was a statement.
Crowpawâs tail waved, as he opened his mouth to disagree. He stopped short. What right did he have to disagree? If Squirrelpaw wanted to go with Brambleclaw, what reason did he have to object? If he did that, he would be no better than Brambleclawâs controlling behaviour from the beginning of the journey.
Feathertail smiled sweetly, her tail curling. Was that excitement in her eyes? âOf course! Good luck!â
Squirrelpaw smirked, âLike I need luck!â Her eyes turned to Crowpawâs, gesturing a goodbye to him with her tail before she turned and bounded away, Brambleclaw following close behind.
Crowpaw watched her back edge away and he frowned at the hollow feeling in his chest.
âIs she upset with us?â
He was surprised at what heâd said before Feathertail.
The Riverclan molly mewed questioningly. âI donât think so. Why would you think that?â
âWhyâs she going off with him?â
âWell, she is right, it is better when thereâs two of each in both groups. It wouldnât really make sense if it was three of us and one other on their own.â
It sounded ridiculous, but it just didnât seem right to Crowpaw. The events of the day creeped back onto him. When he truly thought about it, Squirrelpaw hadnât really interacted with him and Feathertail all day. Sheâd kept to the front when they were travelling, hadnât stopped at all to speak to them, and now she was rushing off when theyâd always hunted together normally.
It was the three of them.
At least, until recently anyway.
âSheâs probably trying to get on better with Brambleclaw.â Feathertail mewed, looking out to the hollow with a beam. âAfter how they used to be could you blame her. Itâs good that sheâs giving him a chance to make it better.â
That was true. Crowpaw did need to remember that they were clanmates. But it still didnât feel like it was the real reason. Squirrelpaw hadnât even hesitated before sheâd sprinted away. Sheâd been like that last night as well.
Crowpaw remembered how sheâd pulled away from his embrace. The confusion in her eyes.
It still made him sting a little.
What was wrong? Had he done something to make her angry with him?
âI guess, but it just doesnât feel right.â Crowpaw said mellowly.
Feathertail pressed herself against him, nudging him with her tail. âIâm sure that nothingâs wrong, Crowpaw. I think weâd know if Squirrelpaw was angry with us.â She chuckled.
Crowpaw smiled a little. It was true that Squirrelpaw was incredibly obvious when she was annoyed.
âDonât worry too much, Crowpaw. Iâm sure sheâs fine.â Feathertail said it with the same soothing tone a mother held. The kind that promised all the wisdom of the world to a young cat. Crowpaw couldnât help but believe her. She whipped him playfully with her paw. âNow come on, I think I saw some fish in the pool. I think itâs time for another fishing lesson, just in case you want to when we get home!â
Crowpaw straightened up again, catching the brightness in her voice.
Feathertail waved her tail awkwardly, pressing her gaze to the ground. âI mean, it could be useful, whatever happens.â
âO-Okay.â Crowpaw tried to look appreciative of her offer, but there were voices raising up in his mind again. Growls and snarls about Starclan and loyalty. Stormfurâs worries. Crowpaw grit his teeth. It isnât like that.
He padded behind her over to where the pool bubbled and splashed, the cool water rippled and shifted as something moved under its surface. Crowpaw felt a tail press against his chest, and Feathertail beckoned him to get low on his belly. He obeyed, gently following her to the edge of the pool.
Keeping her eyes fixed on the water, Crowpaw watched her pelt prickle, prepared for the slightest movement. She suddenly looked so much more than a Warrior in these moments. He could see the strength in her paws and the deadly intent hooked in her claws.
âMake sure your shadow doesnât fall over the water.â She whispered, âAnd when you finally see a fish, be as quick as you can.â
Crowpaw nodded, making sure to not make so much movement.
Suddenly, he saw a flash of silver sparkle in the water, and within a moment, Feathertailâs paw shot into the water, hardly making a splash before it returned out with a large fish wriggling in her paw. Her teeth were on it as soon as it hit the ground.
Crowpaw marvelled at her. The speed in that move had been incredible, it was even more rapid than most cats in his own clan. She only had to wave her paw and whatever water was hanging on her fur left her dry.
She turned to him, flashing an encouraging smile. âYou see?â
Crowpaw flicked his ear. It didnât look too hard. Feathertail moved back to give him space, still watching him closely as he edged towards the mouth of the pool. He grimaced as he got down on his belly and the wet mud squelched, his fur was short enough that he felt it on his skin. No wonder Riverclan cats have such thick pelts.
It wasnât the first time sheâd taught him how to fish so Crowpaw felt confident he could catch one without a problem. Crowpaw unhooked his claws, curling his paw in preparation. He watched the water carefully, waiting for any other colour other than the warm blue of the mountain water. Feathertailâs encouraging eyes kept on the water with him, silently reassuring the younger cat.
In a few heartbeats, Crowpaw felt his muscles tense as silver flickered in his sight, his paw racing into the water. He felt his paw touch something slippery and he grinned as he pulled his foreleg back.
He curved his fangs around the fish but stiffened as he felt it flap out of his grasp. This fish was much bigger than the twoleg pond fish heâd caught before. His prey dived back into its home with a wet slap, casting a drizzle of large drops of water onto Crowpawâs face. He grimaced, pulling back in a mix of disgust and anger.
âRabbit-fluff!â He spat, rubbing his face furiously. He hated getting wet. Glaring down at the pool, he cringed when he heard Feathertail let out a small giggle.
âItâs not funny.â He moaned, his tail waving crossly on the grass.
Calming down, Feathertail cast him an apologetic look, though she still looked bright with glee. âI know, I know. Iâm sorry.â She padded closer to him, âCome on, try again.â
Crowpaw scoffed. Like he wanted to embarrass himself again like that.
âYouâre just not used to bigger fish, every Riverclan cat makes those kind of mistakes.â
Crowpaw didnât reply, looking away indignantly. She was just trying to be friendly, that was all. Heâd made a stupid mistake and he knew it.
Feathertail made a soft mrrow, pressing her pelt against the smaller cat. Crowpaw flushed, his anger replaced by a tightness gripping his chest. He shivered when he felt her chuckle rumble against his back. âYou know, when I first tried catching a fish, I wasnât even balanced properly before I went to catch it.â She let that linger for a moment, Crowpawâs brows rising. âWhen the fish slipped out of my paws, I lost my footing on the bank and went face first into the water in front of all the other apprentices.â
Crowpaw kept his mouth closed, but the snort still cut into the air, and the corners of his lips were unmistakably up. Then Feathertail began to laugh along, and Crowpaw had to join her.
âSorry.â Crowpaw chuckled, holding his laughter down in case he offended her. âThat must have been embarrassing.â
âOh, it was. I didnât hear the end of it for moons!â Feathertail rolled her eyes, but she still bubbled with glee. âBut I canât blame them. It was pretty funny!â Her eyes shut as the sunlight sparkled off her grin.
Crowpaw blinked slowly, thankful and understanding. âIt does sound quite funny.â
âSee. If I can learn after something like that, so can you.â She got on her belly again, supporting Crowpaw forward. âSo, give it another try.â The gentle affection was back on her face and Crowpaw felt her tail curl around his back.
Regardless of whether it was out of his gratitude for her words, or the sharp jolt that seemed to bite him on his back, Crowpaw got back down on his belly.
He had to wait a while for the fish to come back, after he had scared it the way he had, but that was no issue. Crowpaw was very much occupied with his thoughts. With every second he could feel Feathertailâs smile, her devotion, the voices kept on growing, now becoming impossible to silence.
Not surprisingly, the loudest one sounded very much like Stormfur.
Heâd confided in Crowpaw what he thought was going on.
Crowpaw had dismissed it like it was just the ramblings of another mad kittypet like Purdy.
Now, Stormfur sounded very, very, worryingly, convincing.
He could feel the warmth of her fur on his, hear her soft breaths that she was clearly suppressing so he could concentrate, and it was becoming much more possible to Crowpaw that, in a way, Feathertail wanted him to notice.
He was doing the right thing by ignoring it, right. He had to be. The implications made him tremble.
Mercifully, he was driven away from his mind when he saw the water ripple below him again. With a surge of adrenaline, Crowpaw sank his claws into the water, not pulling away until he felt them embedded in the fish. He dragged the fish out of its home, stumbling back a little, surprised by the strength heâd put into it. But he wasnât going to humiliate himself again. As soon as the fish was in the air, convulsing to escape, Crowpaw opened his maw wide and sank down on the fish, feeling it go limp as he bit down hard on its soft flesh.
A rush of pride thumped in Crowpawâs chest, he didnât even take notice of the water that had splashed onto his face again.
He did notice the nose that pressed hard into his shoulder though.
âWell done!â Feathertail cried, rubbing blissfully into his fur. âWeâll make a Riverclan cat of you yet!â The message itself was but a soft linger, but Crowpaw caught it like the scent of prey in the wind. He stared as Feathertail broke away and blushed as she saw the pure confusion in Crowpawâs eyes.
Was it even confusion? Crowpaw was beginning to fear he knew what it was.
The hope in her eyes was now so obvious when he looked close enough.
The expression he was making might as well have been a confirmation as Feathertail stepped back, flushing, blinking with small panic. But no matter what, she couldnât hide how much her eyes were shining.
âCrowpaw.â Feathertail said softly, for a moment her glimmering eyes were away from him. Her tail curled up as if it had been released from the weight of a stone. She looked straight at him, her smile truer than anything heâd ever seen. âCould I ask you something?â
He didnât want to say yes, every part of his fur was splintered out with a deep, crumbling anxiety. But how could he say no to the hope in her eyes.
Feathertail sat back, eyes going back from her paws and Crowpawâs face. âWhen we get back to the clans, if we see each other again.â She coughed quickly when her tone began to tremble and wear away. She took a breath, calming herself like it was before a battle, then she looked up directly, biting back her blush and her nervousness. âCould we ever⊠be more than friends?â
The voices went silent with vindication.
Crowpaw felt his legs begin to weaken, he sat back, trying to meet the gaze of his friend. She stood there, blush glowing under her silver fur, keeping herself steady. For a moment, Crowpaw just sat admiring her bravery. Her confession went against so much, and she knew that, but he could see that she didnât care. Something else was more important to her than an entire culture. Someone.
His mouth opened and closed for a few moments. âW-Why?â Crowpaw must have sounded like a newborn kit, his voice was so weak. He settled on one question. âWhy me?â He wasnât anycat particularly special. How could a Warrior like Feathertail ever have feelings for him?
Feathertail laughed gently, âWhy not you?â
He could think of a few reasons. âWeâre not in the same clans,â Crowpaw said, his voice tender. âIâm not even a Warrior yet.â
âAnd youâve treated me better than any cat in my whole clan.â Feathertail admitted, glowing with affection. âNo cat makes me feel the way I do when Iâm around you, Crowpaw.â
âBut⊠what about the Warrior Code? Cats would-â
âYou donât need to tell me about the Warrior Code, Crowpaw.â Feathertail interrupted, her voice rising a little. She immediately looked embarrassed, giving her chest fur a few humiliated licks. âIâm sorry. But⊠believe me, I know what some cats think of⊠half-clan cats.â
A shadow loomed over Crowpaw. How could he forget? Feathertail had told him about what she had went through, the cat she had seen die, because of Tigerstarâs hatred of half-clan cats. She knew more about the consequences than anyone.
âSo,â Crowpaw mewed, disbelief breaking his tone. âWhy, after all that, would you want to be with me?â
Feathertail stared at her paws, shuffling a little, she exhaled deeply before shrugging, her face full of love. âBecause I like you. And I donât think I can stop that.â She laughed.
Crowpaw couldnât believe what he was hearing. She would risk so much because she liked him like that. âBut what about the Clans?â He blurted, his whiskers rising in alarm.
Feathertail blinked slowly, âWe donât know what will happen if what Midnight said is true.â
âYou still trust that badger.â Crowpaw muttered glumly, for all they knew she was the one who wanted them to be caught by the Tribe.
âI believe that there is something going on at the forest.â Feathertail explained. She purred a little, stepping closer to him. âAnd if itâs what she said, the clans will have to come together.â
Crowpaw grimaced. Even if the clans did have to work as one, he didnât believe it would ever become like the kind Feathertail hoped for. He shook his head, a shiver of guilt coming over him as he saw the disappointment come over Feathertail. âI donât think that could ever happen. There have always been four clans.â Generations of culture wouldnât change in a heartbeat.
âWell,â Feathertail mewed, sitting back, Crowpaw realised she was giving him some space. But he could see in her eyes how much she wanted her beliefs to be true. How much she wanted to⊠be with him. âMaybe always is about to change.â
It possibly could. Crowpaw thought. More likely it would not. He lowered his head to the ground, sighing. He didnât really think at all that two Clans could become one like that, not after all theyâd been taught. Not after how they had seen the consequences themselves.
Although⊠it wasnât untrue that Clan rules could change. Firestar had been born a kittypet, but Starclan had chosen him to be the one to unite the Clans against Tigerstar, and now he was one of the most respected cats in the forest, no matter how little the other clans wanted to admit it.
Maybe things could change.
Wait. Crowpaw felt his mouth fall. Why was he so hopeful for that?
âYou didnât answer my question.â
The Windclan tom shot his head back up. âHuh?â
Feathertail sat before him, her tail waving softly on the grass, waiting. âI asked you if youâd like⊠us to be something?â She met his eyes bravely, but she was clearly flustered. Her chest puffed out, she looked more like a lovestruck apprentice than a full-grown Warrior. âSo, do you?â
The answer should have been simpler than Crowpaw anticipated.
But instead, he found himself puzzled, questioning. Wondering.
Feathertail was a wonderful cat, there was no question about it. From the very start, she had been the one Crowpaw had found it easier to be around and talk to. She spoke to him like he was a Warrior instead of an apprentice. She made him feel welcome. Kind, brave, resilient, she was undeniably an amazing cat.
And, in the back of his mind, Crowpaw could admit that he did find her beautiful.
Such a cat had fallen for him? Of course, Crowpaw was flattered, happy even. Heâd never had anything like this happen to him at Windclan, he didnât even have many friends who were she-cats back home, so the fact that he knew that someone could actually be so fond of him was terrifying but exciting at the same time.
He wanted to see Feathertail again when they got back to the clans, no doubt. He did want to carry on being friends with this incredible Warrior.
But to be anything more than thatâŠ
âI-Iâm not sure, Feathertail.â Crowpaw confessed. The only indication of Feathertailâs chagrin was the sudden flatness that swept her fur down, but it was enough for Crowpawâs stomach to sink. âLook, I really do like you.â He began to stammer. âY-Youâre one of my best friends, and thereâs not another cat like you, but- I- I just donât know.â
âIs it because of the clans?â Feathertail asked, her eyes dimming a little.
It should have been. That would have made it easier. But when Crowpaw felt the question set inside him, there was something else pressing on him.
âI-Itâs part of it, butâŠâ He went off as the though of the clans began to sink away from him like the moon under the sea. It wasnât the thought of that that made him want to turn away from the path Feathertail offered. Something else stung at him like a path of nettles and thorns. Something shadowed, something Crowpaw was embarrassed to admit he didnât know entirely what it was.
He didnât want to hurt his friendâs feelings, but⊠He just thought he didnât see her that way. And he didnât know entirely why?
Feathertail looked at him for a few moments, then dropped her gaze as her expression thinned. âDo⊠Do you like someone else?â
âNo!â Crowpaw exclaimed, his fur prickling like a dog had just snapped its jaws at him. Feathertail drew back a little, surprise filling her face. The tom noticed how heavily heâd begun to breathe and licked his paws flustery. âI mean, no. Th-Thereâs not.â Crowpaw had never felt anything for any cat like that, he was sure of that. From what heâd heard it was meant to make him feel, he was sure that he was inexperienced about it.
Surely, heâd know if someone did make him feel like that. Heâd have to.
Feathertail pursed her lips, casting a look away from the apprentice. âOkay.â
It was the faded hurt in her voice that made Crowpaw clench. And he knew that she didnât want to do that to him. She never would. His tongue spasmed. âI-Iâm not saying Iâm against it!â
Voices began to scream at him again. What was he doing? Why would he say that? Was he even being honest?
Then Feathertail looked up again, glimmering with faith, and Crowpaw didnât regret it. âI just think I need some time to think about this.â He knew he liked Feathertail, a lot. And he knew she liked him, very much a lot. And he couldnât deny he truly did appreciate the feelings she had for him. He gave her a soft smile. âBut thank you for telling me. I-I do like it.â
Slowly, Feathertail began to smile again. Crowpaw felt a little more at peace.
âBut can you just give me some time to think?â He pleaded, chuckling a little. âItâs a lot to take in after all.â
Feathertail didnât seem to fully know if this was being shot down or not, Crowpaw didnât really either, but she appeared to accept it when she laughed along. âI can understand that. Well⊠thanks for hearing me out, anyway.â
âOf course!â Crowpaw mewed, moving forward to press his pelt against her. To his relief, she didnât pull away.
âAnd, just so you know,â Feathertail began, her voice softening, âIf you do say no, I donât mind.â That was the halfway point between the truth and a lie. âAs long as we can remain friends afterwards, itâll be fine by me.â
Crowpaw was happy he could promise something to her. âWeâll always be friends.â
âGood. Let Starclan strike me down if they have anything to say about that!â She meowed. They both laughed, returning to their familiar bond, but still kept aware of the questions that lurked beside them.
Crowpaw shivered as he realised what he would need to consider. How massive it actually was? âI promise you I will think about it.â He assured her, meeting her dead in the eyes. He needed to make that clear, she deserved to know that.
It wasnât the answer Feathertail wanted, Crowpaw knew, but it seemed to suffice. Maybe she knew it would have to, maybe she was only keeping herself up from the chance that still lingered. Whatever it was, Feathertail nodded, shining in the best way that only could do. âAlright then, thank you.â She said honestly.
They both kept silent for a moment, then Feathertail quickly sniffed and pulled herself back up, maybe catching on how awkward it was to be confessing your feelings to your friend. âWell, I suppose we best get these fish back to the others. Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw might be back by now.â
Crowpaw mewed in agreement, they both needed to just carry on right now. It was good that it was out of the way for her though, now she could focus solely on getting her brother back tonight. He picked up his fish, walking beside her back to the meeting point.
His mind was full of thoughts though, how could they not be? He was actually considering becoming mates with a Riverclan cat? A cat that actually wanted to be mates with him?!
Heâd promised Stormfur that heâd do everything he could to make sure Feathertail didnât get hurt. But that was looking fainter with every minute. If he rejected her, of course sheâd be hurt, she would hide it, but Crowpaw knew she would be.
But could he say yes? Could he actually go against the Warrior Code like that? Did he even like her in the way that she liked him?
He found himself wishing that he did, to make it all easier, to understand everything a little more, but he still wasnât sure.
Feathertail was wonderful, and she was beautiful, but Crowpaw didnât know if that meant he had feelings for her. Maybe he didnât want to think about that. But he had to now.
She loved him. Sheâd given him the feeling of being loved. The least he could do was think hard about giving her an actual reply. And it wasnât like there was a massive rush to get an answer out. They still had days before they would get back to the clans.
Right now, they both had to focus on one thing. Making sure they all went back together.
He could help her save another cat that she loved. That he would do no matter what. Whatever came after that, he had to decide for himself.
He didnât look forward to it.
Maybe that was another indication.
As they approached the meeting place in the hollow, they saw Tawnypeltâs shape emerge from the shadows of the rocks. âThe cave guards are gone.â She meowed, her tail curling with relief. âBut Iâll stay on watch.â
âOh no.â Feathertail called back up, dropping her fish. âThatâs fine! Iâll take over for you, thatâs fair.â
Tawnypelt lingered for a moment, âAre you sure?â
âOf course!â She meowed, casting Crowpaw a grin from her side. She was trying to give him the space he needed to make a decision. Crowpaw felt his face heat up again. She really does like me.
As Tawnypelt began to creep down the rocks, Feathertail strolling on to take her place, the cats all turned to see Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw approaching, their mouths full of mice. Crowpaw brightened at the sight of the Thunderclan apprentice. Hunting with her would make him feel more at ease. He needed a laugh, right now.
Squirrelpaw bounded up, dropping her prey into the makeshift kill pile. âThatâs a good start, if I say so myself.â She glanced up, her eyes widening a little on Crowpawâs wet fur. She smirked, âI donât think Riverclan catch fish by sticking their heads in the water.â
Crowpaw groaned, but he immediately felt lighter. âOh, donât you start that!â He swished his tail as Brambleclaw added his own prey. An awkward feeling bit him on the neck; it was probably best if he tried to get along better with the Warrior. âGood hunting?â
The brown tom made a mew of agreement. âGreat thanks.â He looked down at the pile, âNice fish.â
It was plain, but it was better than nothing.
Brambleclawâs amber eyes glazed over the Windclan tom, his lips pursing with admiration. âSquirrelpaw told me about the wind technique you taught her to catch prey. Itâs pretty brilliant!â
Crowpawâs eyes popped open again, but he managed to keep his structure composed. He flicked his ear, casually. âItâs simple enough.â
Brambleclaw chuckled, âSince when have you been so humble.â
Crowpaw made a face at him, then he slid a look to Squirrelpaw. âGlad sheâs letting everyone know about it.â
She shot him a coy grin. âHey, if you didnât want clan secrets to spread, you shouldnât have spilled them in the first place.â
âDonât worry,â Brambleclaw said, âWeâll keep them to ourselves.â His tail swung in a reassuring flow.
âYeah, especially when itâll give us an advantage over our clanmates!â Squirrelpaw chirped in.
Brambleclaw made a soft sound that resembled a laugh; Crowpawâs face twisted in awkward scandal. It would take some time to get used to this side of the Warrior, no matter how much better it was than the latter.
âAnyway,â The brown tom mewed to Tawnypelt, âDo you want me to take over for you on watch?â
âNo, itâs fine. Feathertailâs already headed off to do it.â
âShe has?â Squirrelpaw said, a sudden rise in her tone.
Crowpaw snickered, âWhere did you think she was? Having a swim in the pool?â
Surprisingly, Squirrelpaw didnât seem to hear him, though her ears were high, her tail twitching as if discomforted. Crowpaw suspected it was just her worrying about how Feathertail was dealing without her brother.
âYep!â Tawnypelt exclaimed, âSo the rest of us can carry on hunting. Weâll stop to eat for a bit after this turn.â
That sounded well and good to Crowpaw. He turned back to Squirrelpaw ready to ask her to join him, but his tongue was held as he saw her stride swiftly up to Tawnypelt, brimming with anticipation.
âDo you want to come into the hollow with me? There was an area me and Brambleclaw didnât check out, but I was sure I could smell rabbits!â
Tawnypelt responded before Crowpaw could even muster a breath. âSounds good! I need to stretch my legs after lying on that rock for so long.â She curved her back, hearing a satisfying pop as it uncurled. Her whiskers curled towards the two toms. âWill you two be okay?â
Crowpaw didnât listen as Brambleclaw assured his sister. He just kept on looking on Squirrelpaw, who looked ready to spring away the soonest she could. She hadnât even looked his way. He wasnât trying to be selfish, but he couldnât help but feel a tingle of hurt.
Theyâd hunted together almost since the beginning. Theyâd been hunting when they first acted like friends instead of rivals.
So why was she so eager to be away from him now?
Squirrelpaw only gave him a passing smile as her and Tawnypelt began to walk away. Crowpaw didnât even speak up. A cold infuriation was coiling inside him. If Squirrelpaw wanted to hang out with the otherâs, that was fine, but that didnât explain why she was acting like he was a passing cat in a gathering.
He didnât know why it annoyed him so much, but it did.
âHey, are you coming?â Crowpaw felt Brambleclaw nudge him with his tail. âI think I smelt some voles around where me and Squirrelpaw were hunting?â
Crowpaw looked back in the direction of the leaving cats, watching them disappear, then he let out a cold exhale. âOkay.â He tried to sound as normal as he could.
It wasnât easy when he had the thoughts of his clanâs safety, Stormfurâs imprisonment and Feathertailâs feelings raking his thoughts.
It was even harder to concentrate when he didnât have Squirrelpawâs energy and laugh to take him away from those thoughts.
âYouâre getting really fast for a Thunderclan cat!â Tawnypelt preened.
Squirrelpaw dropped the rabbit beside her, dramatically gaining back her breath. That one had really given her a chase; she might not have caught it had it not cornered itself between the two mollies. She let out a low whistle. âReally?â
âYeah, certainly faster than I was when I was an apprentice.â
âWell, you had to stick to the forest. Iâve just had to catch much quicker prey than mice on this journey.â She said, trying to sound modest. She couldnât chuffing proudly though. âAm I faster than Brambleclaw was?â
Tawnypelt let out an amused mrrow. âOh, definitely. If he tried running like that, heâd be puffing for breath after six seconds.â She began to pant forcefully, her tongue lolling with exaggerated puffs.
Squirrelpaw howled with laughter beside the Shadowclan cat. The sun was dipping behind a few grey clouds, but the air was still hot. It would be a while before they could head back to the Tribe. Still, at least they could enjoy these moments before that ever happened.
âI guess I should get to catching something, eh?â Tawnypelt said after the two had recomposed themselves. Squirrelpaw nodded gleefully.
âI would think so. You donât want the others to think you were out done by an apprentice.â Squirrelpaw jested, dodging the soft swipe Tawnypelt batted at her.
âGo chew on rabbit-fluff!â Tawnypelt quipped. She took a quick sniff at the air and her ears twitched towards her right. âOkay, I think I can smell something over there. Letâs go check it out.â
Still smirking, but smart enough to leave the jokes there, Squirrelpaw followed the older catâs lead. Tawnypelt kept ahead of her, low to the ground, her paws almost making no noise like she was treading on fresh snow. Squirrelpawâs tail curled in awe. She knew that Shadowclan cats were known for be silent, cunning predators, but she didnât expect that they moved like they were shadows themselves. Every move was as swift and graceful as water running down a stream.
It wasnât even like Tawnypelt was that sleek a cat. She was almost as toned and large as Brambleclaw, there didnât look to be any kind of fat on the tabbyâs body. She might even be more refined than Brambleclaw. More muscle than cat. But still, she curved through the grass as if she was leaf being blown along by a gentle breeze.
Squirrelpawâs lips pursed. Was that what happened when a cat was raised in a different clan to the one they were born? They inherited the best of both worlds? Squirrelpaw wasnât so convinced by that, but Tawnypelt certainly seemed to.
Then again, she had left Thunderclan pretty young. She may have even been younger than Squirrelpaw. She had had a long time to get used to the surroundings and style of her true clan.
Even the way she caught prey seemed to be a mix; it had all seemed to be less than a second when her head suddenly snapped tot the side followed by a pounce that landed like a gliding owl. Soon her heavy paws seemed to break the moleâs body before her bite struck the killing blow. The grace of Shadowclan mixed with the strength of Thunderclan.
Squirrelpaw felt her paws tense.
There was no way she was thinking about this now. She was here to escape such images.
âG-Good catch!â Squirrelpaw offered, hoping Tawnypelt hadnât caught her stammer.
Mercifully, it seemed the tortoiseshell hadnât as she scooped the prey into her jaws, smiling broadly around it. Squirrelpaw let a breath of reprieve out of her smile.
She tried to keep her thoughts on more prey as they went back to where theyâd left the rabbit, but that wasnât easy. Many of the scent trails they caught were either too far or had gone stale, still Squirrelpaw persisted. She needed something to hold onto.
Tawnypelt let the mole drop beside the rabbit then began to clean her paws of blood. âThatâs probably enough prey to carry back, unless we can find any mice.â
âI didnât smell any nearby.â
âMe neither,â Tawnypeltâs tail swung in thought. âWe got lucky with how quick we were. We should probably give the others some more time.â
âKnowing those two, theyâll need the whole afternoon.â Squirrelpaw piped, making Tawnypelt chuckle again.
âIâm sure theyâre getting on alright. But I think itâs a little early to go back.â Tawnypelt laid down in the cool grass, sighing as she rested her chest on her front paws. âMight as well relax a little. We have a long night coming up after all.â
Squirrelpaw beamed, admittedly all that running had made her paws a little sore. It would be good to get a bit of sunlight. She rolled onto her side, feeling relief swell over her legs as she stretched her stiff legs. The crisp grass was soothing against her fur and the mellow rays of the sun stroked her like her motherâs tongue.
âAhh.â Squirrelpaw murmured, âThis is nice.â
âHeh, never get this much sun under the forest, do you?â Tawnypelt said smoothly.
âIsnât Shadow in your clanâs name?â Squirrelpaw replied, not opening her eyes.
âFair enough.â Tawnypelt laid out on her belly, her chin resting on the ground. Squirrelpaw was more than a little surprised. Tawnypelt always seemed alert throughout the journey, the one always ready for action. To see her like this was a welcome change. They all deserved a little peace, they had to appreciate the little things.
âSo,â Tawnypelt mewed, âHow do you think the others have got on?â
âWell we havenât heard anything from Feathertail, so at least we know weâre safe for the time being.â Squirrelpaw said. They certainly werenât far enough to miss a sudden cry from the Riverclan cat if she saw the Tribe. âAs for the other two, Iâm sure theyâve been able to catch something. Theyâre not complete mouse-brains.â
Tawnypelt murmured in agreement. âWell, itâs good to see you and Brambleclaw are getting on better.â
Squirrelpaw laughed, âItâs good to see heâs getting on better with all of us.â It wasnât just her that Brambleclaw had needed to make up with. Theyâd all had their problems with him. Itâs just some had said more than others. Her eyes opened, gently examining her clanmateâs sister. âI think itâs more important you two are getting better. Youâre family, after all.â
Tawnypelt swung her tail passively, âDonât worry, weâd make up at some point anyway.â Her look became dull. âBut it was a relief that he was able to apologise. It made everything so much easier.â
âHmm.â Squirrelpaw muttered softly. She could still remember everything that her clanmate had said to her, how heâd made her feel, how he had made her hate him. She was happy she could move past it a little. Now she was able to feel comfortable around him, just a bit.
âThank you, as well.â Tawnypelt meowed, rising up with a chirp.
âFor giving him a chance.â Tawnypelt said, âAfter how he treated you, I never would have thought youâd ever want to hunt with him.â
Tawnypelt looked so grateful that Squirrelpaw almost felt guilty. It was true that she wanted to get on better with Brambleclaw. But that wasnât the reason sheâd hunted with him.
It was the same reason that she was hunting with Tawnypelt.
Squirrelpaw whispered a hiss in her throat. Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! Get out of my head!
âNo problem!â Squirrelpaw blurted out, fighting the obvious mistake of shaking her head. âI wasnât going to be like he was acting. As long as he sticks to how he is now, we should get by without me clawing his eyes out.â
âHeh, Iâm certain he wouldnât dare.â Tawnypelt rolled onto her side, letting the grass cool all over her.
âHeâd better not. I donât want the mouse-brain I knew from back home to come back.â She did mean that. The way Brambleclaw was acting now was certainly the best sheâd ever seen of him. They may have been friends before, but it didnât mean that he hadnât been a know-it-all moss-mind.
A peaceful silence reigned between the two cats for a moment, only broken by the whistle of the wind beginning to rise. Then, Squirrelpaw heard the grass around Tawnypelt crack as she rose up.
âYeah?â The ginger molly mewed, shifting to meet her gaze.
Tawnypeltâs muzzle crinkled with question, âIf you and Brambleclaw didnât get on so well at Thunderclan,â Her tail wavered thoughtfully, âWhy did you want to come with him on this journey so badly?â
Oh. Squirrelpaw let out a dry laugh. That was a good question.
âI mean,â Tawnypelt went on, âI thought before you were here to look out for Brambleclaw before, or like maybe because you wanted some kind of adventure. But I think I was wrong about both those things. Was I?â
She was. It was definitely something else. Something that made Squirrelpawâs tail sink a little. Only one cat knew why sheâd really come along, and that cat wasâŠ
She groaned. By Starclan, she was bad at following her own advice.
Maybe troubled by Squirrelpawâs silence, a sorry sigh escaped Tawnypelt. âLook, if it sounds like Iâm unhappy youâre here, that isnât what I meant. Iâm just-â
âNo no, I know it wasnât.â Squirrelpaw spouted. Tawnypelt wasnât that kind of cat. Whenever sheâd had the chance, sheâd always made feel Squirrelpaw feel welcome among them. The Shadowclan molly clearly trusted her, she wouldnât have told her about her own problems with Thunderclan and Shadowclan if she hadnât.
She was a cat Squirrelpaw trusted greatly. Her fluffy tail wavered vigorously for a moment, before lying flat again in decision. It couldnât hurt to let her know. Theyâd all come so far after all.
âI came because,â Squirrelpaw began, uncurling the knots in her stomach. It was surprisingly easier than she thought. It wasnât like she was admitting anything that deep. âWell, I want to prove myself to my clan.â
Tawnypeltâs whiskers curled up curiously, âProve yourself? Prove what?â
âLike, that Iâm capable of taking care of myself, and other cats.â Squirrelpaw meowed. She could feel her heart pace a little as the irritations from back home thundered in her memory. âEveryone seems to think I canât take care of myself just because Iâm an apprentice.â
Tawnypelt rolled her eyes, âWell thatâs a load of thistle-fluff! You saved my brotherâs life, so you clearly can.â
Squirrelpaw grinned but it soon fell away. âHmm, I donât think Brambleclaw will be rushing to tell anyone that story.â
âHe might not.â And if he didnât, nobody would believe her if she said it. Just another tall tale from the cat who wanted to act like she was as important as her father.
Tawnypeltâs shuffled a little closer. âWell, you know you did. Isnât that enough, you know that you proved them wrong?â
Squirrelpawâs lips shut tight against each other. Her brow furrowed. âIt wonât be enough to shut them up.â She knew that would reveal more, but she was okay with that. Again, she had some trust.
Now, Tawnypelt looked concerned. Her eyes widened, heavy with care for the cat before her. âWhat does that mean?â
Squirrelpaw felt the eyes deep on her. On her ginger fur. On her fiery fur. She groaned. âIâm the leaderâs daughter.â
Tawnypelt said nothing, but there was a flicker of understanding in how her mouth pruned.
Squirrelpaw went on, âAnd apparently IâmâŠâ Her voice transpired into a high, mocking imitation, âToo foolish, too overconfident, too belligerent.â She hissed in annoyance; she didnât even know what the last word meant but Dustpelt had used it! Her paw batted at the grass as if she could hit the words away, âToo much not like my wonderful father!â
Tawnypelt made a sound of consideration. Squirrelpaw frowned when she heard a small snicker. Tawnypelt waved her paw at the apprentice, hiding the smile on her face. âSorry, sorry. Iâm sure thatâs annoying. But youâve got to admit, you are a little bold.â
Maybe that was true, but not enough that Squirrelpaw felt sheâd deserved what had been said before she left.
âOh, too bold that Firestar felt the need to say he might not give me a Warriorâs ceremony.â Squirrelpaw felt the smallest bit remorseful that she was taking that frustration out on her friend, but she couldnât help it. That moment had stuck with her ever since her father had hissed the words.
Instantly, Tawnypeltâs smile abandoned her like teeth had sank into her throat, and her pelt prickled with utter disbelief. âHe did what?!â
Any anger she had for her friend evaporated as she saw the disturbance in her expression. Squirrelpaw sniffed crossly, her chin resting on crossed paws. âRight before we left, thatâs what he told me.â
âBecause I allegedly canât follow orders.â Squirrelpaw spat with disgust.
âWell⊠what orders were they?â Tawnypelt meowed, still clearly on the younger catâs side, though carrying a hint of scepticism.
Squirrelpaw remembered, and her blood went cold. She caught on to just who she was speaking to. Hesitantly, she responded, âTo stay away from Brambleclaw.â
âWHAT?!â Tawnypeltâs body twisted up, her forepaws burying before her. Squirrelpaw flinched but she didnât look away. Tawnypelt stammered, her amber eyes blinking in confusion and growing temper. âWha- Why would he order that?â
Squirrelpaw exhaled, her head sinking down again. Another good question. âI donât know. Even Brambleclaw hadnât done anything and Firestar was treating us both like we had invited rogues into the camp.â Her father had treated them both unfairly. She wished she knew why.
âSo, neither of you had done anything?â Tawnypelt kept her voice at a low pitch, but it was growing harder by the second.
âNot that I can remember. I skipped my training to hunt with him, but I donât see why that would lead to what he said.â
Tawnypeltâs amber orbs began to burn, âI canât see why either.â But there was suspicion in her face, suspicion that made her darken. She darted back a look to Squirrelpaw, âAnd because of that, he said he might not make you a Warrior.â
The Thunderclan cat sagged at the reminder. âYep.â
After a blazing quiet, Tawnypelt let out a growl, her tail hitting the ground forcefully. âHonestly? What goes on in Thunderclan these days?â
âYou ask a lot of questions?â Squirrelpaw quipped, though her tone was noticeably droll. âI donât have ant of the answers.â If she did, she wouldnât spend so much time thinking about them. She didnât know what had led her father to become so harsh, especially when he knew just how much she wanted to become a Warrior. That was the last thing she would ever expect to come out of his jaws.
But he had said it. And it still burned.
âSorry,â Tawnypelt huffed. Squirrelpaw rose a brow, something had made her angry. She looked back at Squirrelpaw, smoothing down her anger. âSorry, I can understand why that would upset you so much. Itâs justâŠâ
âI just canât help but think, if the reason Firestar doesnât want you to hang out with Brambleclaw.â Something stung her face, she pulled in a breath like it was poison. âIs it has something to do with our father.â
âNo.â Squirrelpaw pushed herself up, shocking Tawnypelt with her assurance. Squirrelpawâs eyes went stony. âNo, it canât be because of that. Firestar has known Brambleclaw for moons, he wouldnât hold that against him.â It wasnât Brambleclawâs fault that he was Tigerstarâs son, he had proved himself a loyal member of Thunderclan.
Tawnypelt didnât look reassured. âYou never saw what it was like for us when our father was exiled. How cats would look at us?â Squirrelpaw felt something twist as she imagined it. She could only picture how they were treat. Tawnypeltâs head drew back up, horror in her face. âIf Brambleclaw thinks that as well?â
Her paw gripped her face. âOh Starclan, what did I say to him?â
Acting like him.
Squirrelpaw burst up, padding over to the worried cat. She regretted telling Tawnypelt now. She didnât want her to be like this. Especially when she was sure it was the wrong conclusion. âIâm sure it isnât about that! Brambleclaw is a well-respected cat in Thunderclan, the same way youâre welcomed by Shadowclan.â
Tawnypelt didnât speak. She just looked ahead, chewing the inside of her cheek, a small fire in her irises.
âI donât know why Firestar said what he said to us,â She sat down next to the larger cat, almost embarrassed. âBut I know that it canât be about Tigerstar. Firestar trusts Brambleclaw, so it must be just⊠something else. It has nothing to do with anything like that, though!â
âLook, Brambleclaw knows you didnât mean what you said like that. You just meant that he was being too⊠overbearing; we all know he isnât some evil cat.â Squirrelpaw purred. Lightly, the Shadowclan molly began to relax, her tail curling in. âThunderclan knows that as well. Thereâs nothing to worry about.â
With a sparking idea, Squirrelpaw nudged her head against the molly, grinning. âBesides, why would Bluestar have chosen him if Thunderclan didnât think he was loyal?â
Squirrelpaw sought Tawnypeltâs eye contact again, and this time it was returned. The tortoiseshell nudged away the touch, laughing slightly. Squirrelpaw brightened.
âMaybe.â Tawnypelt considered, but whether she was being honest wasnât clear. Her brow knotted. âWhatever it was about though, Firestar certainly had no reason to treat you two like that.â
Squirrelpaw clicked her tongue, waving her paw in a small circle. âNo argument here.â
âHow could he not want to make you a Warrior?â Tawnypelt shook her head. A tremor ran along her jaw, and her throat vibrated with a low rumble. âIf anyone deserves it, itâs you.â
âThank you.â Squirrelpaw didnât know what else to say. She wouldnât argue for or against, because she felt that she knew she did deserve it, but what else could she do; in the end, her fatherâs duties came first.
The Warrior code came first.
Squirrelpaw trembled like snow was running down her chest.
She felt a gentle press against her cheek, Tawnypelt gave her ear a genial lick. âHey, donât you think about that kind of nonsense. After all this, heâll have to make you a Warrior! Youâre going to be a hero when you go back after all!â
Nobody had ever called Squirrelpaw a hero before. But it was Tawnypeltâs belief that mattered more to her. She still felt a bitter mew escape, âKnowing them, theyâll probably just say Iâd ran away and made them all worry.â If any of them apart from Leafpaw were even worried, that was.
âHa, pay no attention to them.â Tawnypelt cried, tapping the apprentice on the shoulder with her tail. âWhy should you listen to words that may as well be coming out of their backsides?â Squirrelpaw snorted.
Tawnypelt smacked her paw down on grass with a determining finality. âYouâre going to made a Warrior, no question about it. Donât even waste your time thinking about some empty threats.â
The Warrior spoke so clearly, yet Squirrelpaw still couldnât believe her words clearly. There was no knowing what her father would do.
Still, it was nice to hear it from Tawnypelt.
âThanks.â Squirrelpaw said, hoping to drive away from her problems. âSo what are you going to do when you get back to Shadowclan?â
âProbably depends on how far Blackstar will believe me about moving the clans.â Tawnypelt sighed.
Squirrelpaw cringed a little. She sure was glad she wasnât the one in that situation. Blackstar was an infamously difficult cat.
âAnd if it goes well?â Squirrelpaw tried to lift a cheery smile.
âThen we find a new home. We all do. After that,â Tawnypelt sniffed, âWell I donât know. I guess Iâll be getting an apprentice sooner or later.â
âYou looking forward to that?â
Tawnypelt snickered, âI suppose that also depends. If I have one like you, I should be fine. But if somecat like Crowpaw comes along who thinks theyâre already a warrior.â She made a fake choking noise. âI think Iâd rather take on the river again.â
Squirrelpaw laughed, âWith you as a teacher, I donât think theyâd dare lay a stray paw out of line.â
âOh, Iâll make sure they know they canât. Unless they want their fur lining my den.â
They both chuckled as light once again spread over the land, the clouds drifting away. Squirrelpaw eased into it, her eyes drifting closed.
âAnd what about you?â Tawnypelt asked, âYou ready to show your clanmates what youâre made of?â
Squirrelpaw kept her eyes shut, twisting a little. The mood pricked her tone again. âIâve been trying to do that for moons.â She huffed. She wasnât harsh, she wasnât going to take it out on Tawnypelt, but she wasnât calm about the topic either. âI think they expect something else from me.â
When Tawnypelt spoke up again, after a short while, her voice was soft. âWell then theyâre idiots then. You are not another cat. What they want is their problem not yours.â
Squirrelpaw muttered in small agreement. She didnât want to talk anymore about this. She understood that Tawnypelt knew how she was feeling, in a way, but she had overcome that already, she was respected in her clan.
Besides it had been easier for Tawnypelt. Sheâd had a shadow to overcome.
Squirrelpaw felt like the shadow to the light. She was meant to become something.
But there was no way of explaining that without making this conversation more awkward. So, she left it at that.
âIt canât be all of Thunderclan anyway,â Tawnypelt offered, trying something new. âThere have to be some cats you see as good friends. Any other apprentices?â
Squirrelpaw opened her eyes, âSure I do.â It wasnât that she didnât have any friends, she did have some good ones in Thunderclan.
Tawnypeltâs tail curled in approval, âWell there you go! If you want any opinions, look at them.â
Oh, she was sure they still saw Firestar in her. But⊠Squirrelpaw smiled. Tawnypelt was right, cats like Shrewpaw and Spiderpaw were certainly better company, they had had to respect her after theyâd seen what she could do in training.
Even more when theyâd had to grudgingly accept her strength if it meant her paw would stop holding them down all morning.
Squirrelpaw actually laughed at the memories.
âSee.â Tawnypelt arched her neck, her eyes shining on the apprentice, âIt canât be all bad. Once you become a Warrior, and you will become one, youâll see how quickly things change.â
She could certainly hope so. Though it didnât seem so much like hope anymore. She felt a growing sense of warmth with every word the Warrior said, a thankfulness that there was some cat who believed in her. Maybe it would not be so bad once she got back home. Sheâd have her friends and sister after all, and it was possible that her fatherâs initial distrust was just a passing phase. Heâd definitely have bigger things to worry about.
âJust wait until after your ceremony. Then youâll have new things to worry about.â Tawnypelt chuckled, her tail swiping gleefully. A playful smirk began to crawl over her muzzle. âI mean, thereâs patrols, dealing with knew apprentices, and also,â Her voice went into a snide drawl, âYouâll be dealing with a lot more toms.â
The pros of home sank into the ground. Squirrelpaw looked away hurriedly, mind whirring and chest heaving.
âI donât know what youâre talking about.â She said steadily.
âIs that why youâre looking away?â Tawnypelt mewed, nudging the cat.
Squirrelpaw didnât speak up, she didnât protest. If she did she would give herself away.
âYou donât need to be embarrassed about it.â The Shadowclan cat teased. âEvery cat deals with it eventually.â
Squirrelpaw wanted to vanish. Wanted to go deaf. This conversation would only get worse before it got better. She knew how she looked, but Tawnypelt was wrong. She wasnât embarrassed, and she was dealing with it already.
But when she thought about it, it made her sad.
She could feel what Tawnypelt was going to say.
Please donât ask me Please for the love of Starclan donât ask me
âSo,â Tawnypelt asked, âIs there a tom youâre hoping to impress when we get back?â
Squirrelpawâs throat strained. Even though the sun blazed, she felt the clouds come back, she could hear thunder somewhere far away.
Tawnypeltâs grin was in her voice. âYouâre still looking away, you know.â
Fox-dung! Fox-dung! Fox-dung!
âCome on, I wonât tell anyone. You donât even have to tell me his name if you donât want to.â
Was there even a point in denying it further? Tawnypelt was already too smart for her own good. She already could tell Squirrelpaw liked someone.
As long as they stayed as someone, Squirrelpaw could still make it out of this without having a full on fit.
âAlright,â Squirrelpaw said, her jaw feeling heavier than usual. âI âlikeâ someone. Happy?â She was aware she wasnât meeting Tawnypeltâs gaze, but what did it matter if the cat got what she wanted to hear.
âNot quite yet.â Tawnypelt padded closer, resting her upturned cheeks on two paws. She craned her head to the side. âSo, whatâs he like?â
âYou have good taste.â
âAnd, um, he keeps to himself a lot. But⊠we get along really well.â
Tawnypelt nodded, her glee was as sparkling as an apprenticeâs. âWell, thatâs a good start to it!â Squirrelpaw began to feel a little sick. âIs he a good hunter or fighter?â
âHeâs an amazing hunter.â Squirrelpaw said, her mind glazing. She mustered a small smirk. âHis fighting styleâs okay, but Iâm always able to pin him.â Her cheeks burned a little.
A laugh rumbled in the Shadowclan catâs throat, âWell I suppose I canât hold that against him. At least he can hunt though.â Her sly beam plastered over her again, âSo, important question here; is he handsome?â
Shimmering blue eyes. Sleek ebony fur. Lean, refined body. Moon white smile. Beautiful smile.
âIncredibly.â Tawnypelt repeated. Squirrelpaw didnât need to see her face to know how she was looking at her. She must have looked very much affected by her own words and thoughts. A paw landed on her back. âWell then,â Tawnypelt meowed, âWhy donât you ask him?â
Because someone else thinks the same as me. Because that cat is my friend. Because he is in a different clan.
âI donât think I can.â Squirrelpaw said.
Tawnypelt made as sound that may have been a purr or a scoff. âWhy? Are you nervous?â
Squirrelpaw looked up at her â telling.
âOkay, that was a stupid question.â Tawnypelt admitted, her tail sagging down. âBut seriously, you should at least ask him. Trust me, itâll be a lot easier when youâre apprentices. Wait⊠he is an apprentice right?â
âOkay, good! But anyway, if I were you, Iâd get it done now. Youâll have a lot more on your mind when youâre warriors.â
Squirrelpaw swallowed. Thereâs already a lot on my mind about it now. If Tawnypelt only knew, she wouldnât be as smooth as she was. Squirrelpaw settled on the lightest excuse, or rather the only one she could without defying the stars. âWhat if⊠heâs interested in someone else?â She managed it out without her claws raking the ground out of its bed.
Tawnypelt looked down sceptically. âDo you know if he is?â
I know someoneâs interested in him. That thought must have transpired onto Squirrelpawâs face as Tawnypelt backed away a little, her eyes wide and her mouth opening a little.
âOhâŠâ The older molly looked aside awkwardly. It was a reaction that spoke volumes. It was a reaction that made Squirrelpaw realise what was coming next, her stomach twisting and curling as her friend sighed morosely.
âWell, if thatâs the case.â She turned back to the apprentice. Squirrelpaw flinched at the pity in those amber eyes. âThen there isnât really anything you can do. And itâs not fair, and Iâm sorry, but you just have to try and move on.â
Squirrelpawâs jaw clenched, somewhere inside herself she was growing angry. Not because she was hearing the much needed truth, but because it was something she already knew.
What do you think Iâm trying to do? Why do you think Iâm not with him right now? Iâm already trying to move on! Iâm already giving them every chance I can!
The tail patting softly on her back suddenly felt like she was being scalded. âBesides,â Tawnypelt mewed genially, âThere are plenty of other toms. Just give it a little time and youâll find someone who likes you just as much as you like them.â Her purr became softer but it still sounded painful to Squirrelpaw. âBy that point, you wonât even remember feeling that way about the first tom.â
That was something Squirrelpaw may have needed to hear to move on. The potential of another cat who made her feel like this. The possibility of someone who liked her back.
If only her mind could agree.
But what if I donât want to? What if I canât? What if thereâs no cat in Thunderclan who makes me feel like he does?
âI guess.â Squirrelpaw responded.
Tawnypelt sighed again. Squirrelpaw realised just how bad she was at hiding her emotions. âI know, itâs really annoying. But you canât change if they like someone else or not. You have to try and adapt to it.â
She was trying. Probably not hard enough if her throat hurt like this.
âYeah, youâre right.â Squirrelpaw rasped. Tawnypelt continued to âcomfortâ her. But Squirrelpaw wasnât really listening anymore. She already knew.
Why did this have to be brought up? Why didnât she just drop it at the beginning? She knew the truth, so she knew how it made her feel. Pathetic. Stupid. Immature.
She wanted to let it go for their sake. But it was becoming more clear that no matter how hard she tried, it didnât and wouldnât change how she felt.
Because she had been giving them space, giving them the time they needed to blossom.
They could share tongues, they could grow closer, they could become more.
And she could sit aside and smile and support them and hide how much she wished she could trade places with Feathertail.
She liked to think that was enough to say she was a good friend to the pair.
That was all she needed to be: a good friend and a good Warrior.
So she thanked Tawnypelt for the advice she already knew, she refocused her mind of the night that would reach them soon enough, she carried the prey back to her other friends, she rubbed her pelt against Feathertailâs as she took on the next watch shift, and she gave another silent prayer that the two could be happier together.
She did all this before Crowpaw had come back with Brambleclaw. Then only one cat would be waiting for him.
On her own, it was easier to focus on the rescue that needed to happen than the feelings sheâd rather avoid.
