Loliquiu

So let’s talk about it. Ten years ago I was on the frontlines with many other queers watching in utter horror as our favorite new icon was murdered. Lexa was a fictional character, but she symbolized so much more. There wasn’t nearly as much sapphic representation on tv, let alone on such a widely accessible channel, ten years ago as there is now. We were already starved for it. We’d been gifted an amazing character. A badass, young, female warrior who grown ass men respected and followed without question, who lead her people with sensibility and compassion. And then we were given enemies to lovers. The conflicted, complex, emotional roller coaster that was Clarke and Lexa. Two powerhouses who didn’t fall in love easily, they had to fight for it. No wonder Clexa was so iconic.

But we were also skeptical. We shouted loudly “We’ve seen this before!” “We’re afraid she’s going to be killed!” “We don’t want another victim of ‘bury your gays!’”

And we were promised Lexa would live.

We were lied to.

The network showed clips of the season finale with Lexa in it, to lure us into a false sense of security. Then that night, March 3, 2016, they gave us the Clexa sex scene, they gave us happy Clexa, they told us she would be fine, then they shot her on screen and we all watched our icon die.

I was 24 years old, a lesbian yearning for any on screen representation, and finally finding an incredible source. I cried for weeks. It hurt for years. I genuinely grieve this fictional character. I’m still not over the injustice, I just live with it deep in my heart. Lexa is part of me now. I haven’t had interest in any sapphic shows since. I’d been raised on Tara Maclay, and witness to Lexa. I’ve mistrusted tv writers ever since because I don’t want to get my heart broken again.

I never watched a single episode of The 100 after 3x07. I’ve seen clips of Lexa’s appearances and mentions. I know the significance of the series finale. The only thing I can say is Thank You to Alycia who chose her finale appearance with grace and understanding of the impact Lexa had. She was not going to let them use Lexa to hurt us again.

This is why Lexa is so deeply important to me. She is my icon. She is a symbol of the pain and injustice we suffer in the LGBT community. She is a warrior and a leader. She is my Heda.

Reshop, Heda

Are you gonna do what you do best and fight by my side? No. You will fight by my side.