♡ 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈

You've seriously never been to Hawaii? The audacity. You're definitely losing cool points. Only way you can gain them back is by coming with me to visit again. And I'd be more than happy to show you around all of my favorite places, restaurants, and hangout spots.

Oh god, I'm totally lame, right? I've never been! It's such a shame too because I love the beach so much. I can only imagine how much more beautiful it is in Hawai'i. Yes, I'll go with you because we have to right this wrong as soon as possible and what better way than beside someone that knows what he's doing? I'm handing myself over to you. Show me what the island has to offer.

you're literally a dream. if i had known, i would have pulled you up there with me and one upped that other performance. we'll have more times in the future. i can feel it. you become favorite more and more with each sentence. thank you. really it means the world and i'll have to get you hooked up properly being my biggest fan and all. i'm about to be the worst and not helpful at all but there's not a thing out there i'm not dying to do. completely open on this end so if there's anything your heart desires, just say the word.

says you, a literal angel. stop, if you'd done that i would've been on cloud nine for sure. there's nothing i love more than being your one less lonely girl. you outdo bieber any day, babes. oh gosh, that's a toughie. is it lame if i say i've been dying to go ice skating? it's been a minute.

i don't want us to keep arguing either. let's try to approach this conversation with understanding and a willingness to listen to each other. i'll make sure to actively engage without stirring things up. can we set aside some time soon to have this conversation, preferably in a calm and private setting?

I would like nothing more than to be able to do that, Nick. I can't keep fighting with you like this. It's way too draining. Do you want to come over tonight?

navigating strong feelings, especially when they're tied to significant experiences, can definitely feel overwhelming. it sounds like nick made a deep impact on you, which is why moving on can be such a challenge. give yourself grace during this time—it's okay to feel all the emotions that come with it. hey, experiencing new things and meeting new people can certainly bring about positive changes. life has a funny way of surprising us, doesn't it? i'm hopeful that things will start looking up for you soon.

He was the first person that was important on that level. Everyone before was unimportant yet somehow I fucked that up. Nobody and nothing prepared me for how depressing losing him would be, you know. The songs don't even begin to put it into words. Yeah, I'm trying to look at it like that. It's just hard when he's around and we can hardly get a word in before we're at each other's throats. It feels like rubbing salt in the wound.

Looks like there's some mutual feelings involved here. No, please don't be shy. We can't both be shy. I'll do everything in my power to make you comfortable enough not to be. I promise you that. I swear I'm not intimidating or anything. I'm a big fan of yours. I've not really left your world if I'm just a call away, am I? Food for thought, Bills.

i understand that's how you feel, and i'm sorry if it seems like i'm avoiding important discussions. it's never been my intention to disregard your feelings or avoid meaningful conversations. i'm willing to talk whenever you're ready, because i do care about what you have to say. but at the same time we always argue, lola, always, and it's annoying.

We always argue because that's where you stir the conversation. I'm not just going to stand here and take it because I was the one who technically did something wrong. I'm ready to talk. I've been ready, Nick.

taking your mind off things can sometimes be the best medicine. i'm doing good! i have been working a whole damn lot and deep down i wish i could have a break but i know i won't get it and i'm not one to complain to the people i'm working with but i'm only twenty-two and sometimes i just want to stay in bed all day.

That's what they all say. You have a film coming, right? I saw a poster for it. Good on you for being so busy. It's best to take advantage of these opportunities when they do appear. I know the feeling though. Especially after a long day on set, you just want to be in bed for a whole week after. I just remind myself I'll have the time to rest eventually. It's too early to pass off any chances to grow.

thank you very much. it sounds like you've been through a lot with nick, and i understand how challenging it must be to see him around, especially in those circumstances. it's natural for emotions to get mixed up when you're in close proximity with someone you have feelings for. don't be too hard on yourself. healing takes time, and it's okay to feel the way you do. honestly, there's not a lot going on in my life lately. been writing music and that's about it, i wish i'd share something exciting but i've got nothing.

Anything relating to feelings can feel like a lot. Especially because I really haven't had that many experiences before. Well, not any that mattered the way he did. That's probably why it feels so awful all the time, right? That's surprising and I'm sure it's going to be changing very soon.

what the fuck even is real life right now? first coachella was a huge success and i'm the closest i've ever been to marrying anyone from the cast of the l word so it's safe to say i'm going to be riding this high for at least the next 7 to 10 business days. probably even longer. i don't even know what to say right now. did anyone here get to see it? if so, give me the review. anything less than 4 stars and i'm unleashing my inner regina george on you. kidding.. or am i? but anyways, i'm sticking around for as long as i can so if anyone does, too, come say what's up even if we don't know each other. / @hillsfmsstarters

Of course I was there, front row with my Renee Rapp t-shirt. I was sort of hoping for a redo of one less lonely girl because I loved filling that role for you, but it's okay. I was too busy gawking at you and enjoying every minute of your set! I swear, I'm like your biggest fan. You get ten million stars out of ten! How's that? Let's definitely do something. What are you just dying to do?

Think so? And how would you know if I'm any good if you're not that great at watching football? But that's a good question because I've been between back home in Honolulu, Atlanta, and now Cincinnati recently. So, there's quite a few options I could give you. It all just depends on which city you choose.

I guess you can say I'm easily influenced by the opinions around me. Those are all great places there. Would I lose cool points if I say I've never actually been to Hawai'i? I haven't done much traveling outside of work related trips. It's really such a shame and something I want to change. Maybe we could use this hang out as a way for me to get to see Honolulu... If you're up for a little touring me around.

having a trusted friend to navigate through life's twists and turns is invaluable. i'm here for you too, no matter what challenges come our way. i'm sorry to hear that things with nick are still weighing on you. moving on from something like that definitely takes time and patience. consider the promise made—phone confiscation if necessary! let's dive into those episodes and catch up soon. and remember, you've got this. one step at a time, and you'll come out even stronger on the other side.

You're so precious to me, Shawny. You'll always have me too. For whatever it may mean. It's just hard seeing him around. I think I let myself get too caught on the proximity of being on set with certain people. It made things blurry. I don't blame him for being mad on some level. I would've been furious too. Please, we'd need to burn my phone. Just to be safe. I'm going to believe that. Just because you're saying so, but enough about me. What have you been up to?

look, babe, i get it. it's frustrating when communication breaks down. but trust me, i'm not trying to avoid anything. maybe we just see things differently, and that's okay. i always valued honesty between us, even when it was hard. but if you feel like i'm not being upfront, let's talk it out. we owe each other that much, don't we?

no, but you are. you fully are actively avoiding having a conversation about anything meaningful. instead, you prefer to do this. sweetheart, you obviously did not value honesty when i spoke to you about what i was feeling back then. exactly what i'm saying. i'm free whenever you are.

let's make it a tradition. movie nights, wine, and good company—what more could we ask for? it sounds tough, but remember, sometimes things just don't work out, and that's okay. we'll be here for each other through thick and thin, no matter what life throws our way. chin up, chica, brighter days are ahead.

Count me on board with this tradition. Even that one night with the girls was pretty fun too. It made me get closer to a lot of them who I'm not otherwise too chummy with. Yeah, you're right. I just need to find a way to get that situation off my mind. Then I'll be good. What about you though? How are you?

it's important to tread carefully and make the right moves. yes, trust is key—i'll do my best to make the right choice. you've definitely taught me a thing or two about handling tricky situations. well, things have been pretty good. no trouble on my end, just keeping busy with work and some creative projects. drinks sound like a fantastic idea, last time i got drunk was at the festival, now you have to keep up with me. are you sure? alright then.

Precisely, you get it. I'll always be here for you when you need me to help you navigate some more. I'm sure they will continue to arise. I'm glad things have been well with you. That's basically the same for me, just the stuff with Nick is still getting me down. I'm trying to move past it. Not as easy as you'd think. I can keep up with you... or try to. Just take my phone from me if we get carried away. Promise? Yes, I'm sure.

seriously, you're worth all the praise and more. wine and heartfelt conversations? that sounds like the perfect recipe for a memorable night. no need for payment—i'm just happy to share those moments with you. oh shit, it's never good when it gets to the point that it's impossible to even have a conversation.

This is a type of night that we will have to repeat and repeat for years to come. I'm convinced he just hates me now. Which is hard to navigate, but I can't really blame him.