‘ affected ? i’d prefer it if you’d say how it saved me . ’ hybrid replies promptly , emotions naked in the flash OF BITING PAIN coloring indigo hues feelings he’s been carrying silently in his soul for a long time . lotors dismissal , analytic stance on things reminded keith of earlier years back in time when shiro hadn’t been there to REACH OUT TO THE LONELY OUTCAST . ‘ we can’t be strong all the time . i hope you know that . ’ frowning keith studied the royal OPENLY & went through their conversation in his head , wondering if he’d missed a clue or hidden meaning somewhere . ‘ it’s not about a lesson or giving yourself more credit , lotor . it’s about how LONELINESS destroys you . ’ brutally honest as always keith simply said what’s on his mind & kept his voice lowered a private mantle laid around their conversation ; an embrace of kindred spirits glowing .
analyzing someone cunning & well spoken as the prince who’s used to WEARING MASKS / PROTECTIVE LAYERS was a difficult task ; yet keith found similarities —— saw edges shimmer through he felt familiar with . smile lost , a sharp edge to lips now he HISSED SILENTLY as past & the here and now overlapsed . ( I DO NOT WANT TO LEARN IT HE HAD SAID ; ) but why ? was the thought of having someone to lean on not a desire of the taller hybrid ? brows furrowed gaze GROWS MORE INTENSE , MORE SEARCHING as if an answer will somewhere be in the regal curves , edges & facets of lotor’s mimic . sighing the raven gave up for now tongue nearly cut open by the razor like question burning on it to ask why . was how it affected him bad was he too kind ? too soft ? he had never considered himself any of that ; his mind forgiving but his heart & soul will NEVER FORGET .
palm placed on neck , cool glove against heated skin the paladin stared on the ground sharp fangs on display , answering in kind to lotors ; he’s ALWAYS had those yet he still resented how wild it must make him look . it was a different angle that he had missed , he suddenly REALIZED & looked at the royal from the corner of indigo hues . ‘ is it because of the world you’ve been living in ? ’ he asked , sure of it already . it made sense . ( A WORLD OF DARKNESS , LONELINESS , VIOLENCE ; ) pupils turning into slits at the thought of what the prince had maybe gone through a happy family life surely never , just like keith for the most part of his life . but , he’ s NEVER BEEN SAFE . sure , keith got into fights . but lotor ? he was always in danger . he could understand why he didn’t want to EXPERIENCE KINDNESS now ; mind clear & heart aching for the royal surprisingly .
‘ you couldn’t be SOFT . . it would’ve destroyed you . ’ sharp mind & sharp tongue words brutally honest yet not meant to hurt . he understood .
“ha,” lotor places his hand over his mouth, fingers splayed over the distant quality of his smile. “saved then, if you’re so insistent,” lotor relents, quietly mulling over the tar-like sweetness matted over his tongue to hear this correction -- a kindness and love known distantly, like the way scars burn even after being healed -- he already tires of it. “i know that,” he grits out, a sigh of a sound, “but knowing and doing are two different things, paladin.”
he is wary of this conversation: once tied to the observation of keith and now is keith watching him, looking for a hairline crack in thousands of years of armor, all ice without the heat. lotor doesn’t like being the subject, doesn’t like having to unravel the twisted knots of his past -- and the tips of his lips twitch in the only form of showing discomfort, his gaze sharp. “oh, does it?” lotor isn’t sure if he’s teasing or being spiteful, every word like glass gnashing between his teeth, cutting the insides of his cheeks. “i couldn’t imagine.”
couldn’t imagine a life in small beats: of his governess, drawing the line of teacher in the sand; of his cat, kova, his only traces of a friend -- further, a soon to be destroyed planet; further, the exiled alteans, who he later had to exploit with a burden insurmountable; further, the connections he made too hastily that could could only see him as too galran, too much of his father’s son, too much of a monster; further, his generals who looked to him with the burden of expectation, for the future he wasn’t confident he could create; further the paladins -- ah. it was all so exhausting, pointless, trust a frayed rope on either end.
a hiss of his own passes through him, unkind in its barbed edges. sure, maybe lotor deserves it -- poking fun at an observation he could have kept to himself, of a life forever “saved” by the action of another person, but he didn’t imagine he would be caught in this snare of other clear conclusions, of someone trying to reach out in understanding -- so there is a likeness, after all. a transparency that even he can’t hide. “maybe,” lotor says, expression foreign to him, a smile soft in its vulnerability. “though it has already destroyed me multiple times,” he confesses, “because it was the hardest lesson to learn.” the creases around his eyes make him look older -- 10,000 years, and for what?
“haggar,” mother in the silence that stings, “had a habit of placing spies into people i trusted. at first, it terrified me to be betrayed, to be dragged in front of her by the hands of someone i thought was my friend -- but then it became easy to see -- and thus, with everyone at arms-length, she didn’t have power over me anymore.” lotor’s eyes take a strange quality to them, as if he’s no longer in the present. “that was just one of many things, paladin. as much as i am happy for you -- i don’t think i’ll ever feel truly safe.” one shaky breath and his expression closes off again. “which is fine,” he says, casting the weakness away, “but i would rather not speak of my troubles, here.” he laughs, not a happy but a painful sound, his features finally hardening. “or ever,” he says, half-growl.