SHIT MY COLLEAGUES SAY
carefully collected over the years, slightly altered to make it universal. cursing.
âBlood donation? The only time I let someone take blood from me is when that person is a sexy vampire.â
âOi, Mariah Carey, quiet down. Thereâs people working here.â
âTheyâre completely lost in the woods.â
âGod, what a pigeon.â
âWhere the fuck are my Post-Its? Did I trade them again?â
âHow can an entire file cabinet disappear?â
âNomnom? Or not nomnom?â
âHow is it possible that Iâve been working here for almost two years and people still ask my name?â
âDid I hear excursion?!â
âSo, we canât afford a truck, but at least we got this really cool shredding machine. It shreds five pages at the same time.â
âI call it the Porsche of all shredders.â
âHow are my favourite bitches?â
âDid you just leave those very important documents with the people who absolutely should NOT see them?â
âYou actually managed to make _______ look even more like a dictator from Satanâs arsehole.â
âI refuse to give Outlook any of my tears.â
âNo, I donât like this. I donât vibe with this. Bad vibes all around. Can we get ice cream after?â
âNo, I wonât drive with you. You drive at 50mph through some village and start dancing at the wheel because âthatâs my song, girls!ââ
âSadly, the hot guy from ________ isnât also the smart guy from ________.â
âWho the hell is playing âMy Heart Will Go Onâ on a piano here?â
âIâve been calling you for 20 minutes. When I go back to my office and I call you in about 30 seconds, you better pick up the phone.â
âIâd rather throw myself from that balcony than sing that song.â
âI swear, if another of my pens gets stolen, I will go home and cry.â
âTalking to them is like talking to a very socially awkward mumble rapper.â
âSure, why not, of course I can control them. You could also tell me to keep these 20 kittens on this tiny blanket.â
âHow long can we leave that expired grape juice until it becomes wine?â
âIf you call in sick, I will too. They canât have us both.â
