Maybe we should accept that we’ll never be like at that point again? Should just stay how we talk now you know? I miss being considered a best friend to you and how close we were however I just think me myself I’m so fucking sensitive when it comes to things involving you. We’ve been good now and I hope you’re okay with just not discussing our love lives. I like talking to you about anything else and I’ll admit like in my head I think “I would have treated you so much better” and “the way they treated you lovingly was how I treated you.” when you’ve talked about how people treated you and that’s not really fair to you. I mean of course I’m listening to you and I feel empathy toward you and I feel sad with you and I feel your heart ache with you please don’t get me wrong it’s just a small thought in my head and I just don’t like it is all. You live your life how you want to live it and I can never be mad at you for that.

I’ve accepted that I just was never the one for you and the emotional scars that came with how everything went and came to be still haunt me. We’re fine I swear. I know I’ll have moments where I’m second guessing everything and it’s hard. I’m like… I feel so upset but then I’m like fuck I missed my friend why be upset over something little? And the fact I have other things weigh heavily on me kind of stresses everything else a bit more and it’s hard I guess?

I feel like a ticking time bomb. Sensitive and ready to just cry. I just feel so unstable. If you want another example as to how unstable I am, I’m not talking to someone because I felt they hurt me. They apologized and it was perfectly written and I felt it was true. I just it kept bothering me he said I was a close friend but I just didn’t feel the same back. I just felt like a friend for hire and he’d just leave me and come back? When he really started talking to me it felt weird like he was trying to make a conversation because he felt bad and I couldn’t distinguish whether he was just doing it because he felt bad and didn’t want to be awkward or he meant it? I couldn’t get over the fact he hurt me in a way I’ve been hurt over and over again and I told him and he ended up doing it to me. I feel it wasn’t on purpose and just… it still fucking hurts. I see things as I let him in and he did this to me and I can’t see past that. I didn’t give him a chance to make up for it because he already hurt me why let him hurt me again??