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My faves are Shalnark, Feitan, and ofc Heisenberg from res8 šļø
Shalnark randomly pinches your midriff or your thighs or will grab at any of your flesh that he can while heās watching television or messing around on his gameboy. He really likes physical contact to the point where heās randomly grabbing at your chest or stomach, usually in the privacy of your own home but thatās not always guaranteed.
Feitan sniffs you. Your hair, the crook of your neck, your arm, your clothes. Especially after youāve showered and if he likes the scent of your body wash and lotion. Thereās a good chance he will bite you too.
Heisenberg makes really bad jokes. Not bad as in unfunny but like, downright inappropriate for the situation. Heās just trying to make you laugh and it doesnāt help that he isnāt super charismatic and gets defensive easily. His jokes usually donāt land anyway even if you do have that type of sense of humor. Also doesnāt get most modern jokes ā¹ļø
Do phinks Iām sure that guy has many ššš
oh phinks. sweet awful phinks.
he really and truly believes heās so cool. walks around like heās the hottest shit. you know better but you absolutely can NOT tell him that, it will deflate his ego like a sad, floppy balloon. even if you just make a joke about it, heāll rag back at you at first and then be like āhol upā¦they think Iām lame?ā
it kinda hurts his feelings ngl because his Image is very important to him but he wonāt bring it up himself. will just look at you with that grumpy face and insist nothingās wrong because he doesnāt want to seem insecure. you have to bring it up yourself and do a very convincing job of telling him heās actually the baddest and toughest before he lightens up again
yeah I got some more for him. he is so insufferable
illumi has a sense of humor comparable to a piece of plywoodās. nearly nonexistent. when he does make jokes they tend to be sort of morbid and very dry, but heāll still look at you and fully expect you to laugh for him.
do not show him memes. he will not laugh and probably wonāt get them because he has no social media presence. even if you explain it to him, itās almost worse if he does find it funny, because his genuine laugh is so fucking unsettling. you try for months to get him to laugh at one of your jokes and the first time you succeed you decide youāll never do it again. his mouth twitches up into a smile that doesnāt quite reach the rest of his face and his eyes get even wider, and he like. barks out a quick few laughs. like a hyena or something. absolutely not
Illumi for the most annoying ask? I wanna see what makes bug eyes icky.
a few people requested illumi so itās a good thing this man has no shortage of obnoxious behaviors lol
I think he tries to be a provider for you but goes about it in ways that can be. so strange. overbearing. he finds out youāre on your period and is like āI brought you this rare and disgusting supplement thatās supposed to help with cramps. please mix it into the cup of hot tea I had the butlers bring you.ā I mean the fact that heās trying to lessen your pain is itself a huge indicator of how much he cares for you, given that he was raised to accept any and all pain given to him. but like. dude you could be a little more normal about it
you mention offhandedly that you like the snack you picked out at the gas station and the next day thereās a crate full of it in your house. he just looks at you like :)
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PHINKSā¦does so much annoying stuff but really doesnāt mean to. he tries to be a good boyfriend he just has no idea what heās doing lol
tries to be sweet by surprising you with food and getting you gifts and stuff, but heās not that good at guessing what your tastes are and his taste is god awful. you know that scene in high school musical 2 where Troy gets Gabriela a necklace with his own initial on it? yeah. phinks gives it to you and youāre likeā¦is this mf trying to sign his name on me. he looks so proud when you put it on though you canāt even stay mad at him
heās actually not horrendous at cooking I think, but sometimes he overestimates his abilities and disaster strikes. the whole house filled with the smell of burnt pasta. he gets really frustrated and you have to open all the windows and reassure him that you can just order takeout lol
mista 100% doesn't put the toliet seat down and has a 60/40 chance of making it in the bowl.
itās true and I hate him for it. honestly I think he gets ragged on too much for being smelly. he had been running around for like a week without a chance to shower when trish called him gross, so Iām willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. but the state of his homeā¦another matter entirely. leave this man alone in a room for 10 minutes and itās like the mess materializes
illumiā¦I really do love him, I canāt believe Iāve never written for him before
heās clingy in such an obnoxious way. like heāll follow you into the bathroom but he doesnāt even talk when heās in there. just stares at you with those big doll eyes, or messes around on his phone like heās not paying attention to you (heās always paying attention to you). could take a day to get back to your text, but if you take longer than 15 minutes to get back to him heās double, triple, AND quadruple texting you. the man will not be ignored lol
you know feitan is basically in love with you when he a) agrees to go with you into a makeup store with minimal griping, and b) when you step out he starts shaking his clothes and out falls all the products you looked at while you were in there
when i get to read all ur comments on my fic in the tags. bisousbisousbisous xxxxxxx
itās always a blessing to see you have a new chrollo fic posted. your characterization of him is just. so. like Iām growling and clawing at the walls thatās what it does to me
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ššššš ššššš ā chrollo x f!reader. 2.8k. ao3.
set in the 'wishy washy' era of my longfic. you haven't agreed to be kuroro's girlfriend yet, but he's still sticking around because he knows that one day you'll agree to be his girl. after all. he's got some freetime until he gets his nen back. so he'll pick you up from brunch. tw: reader is drunk (brunch) and gets a flush from it, reader reads acotar. kuroro is goofy, y'all just don't know him like i do.
The ping from his phone pulls Kuroro from the book he was currently reading. He isnāt one to be attached to his phone, normally, but recently heās had reason to keep his phone nearby. Thereās a familiar notification, only instead of a text popping up, there was an audio message.Ā
āCoucou Kuroro! I donāt know if I responded to your text earlier but Iām at brunch andāā Your voice trails off into a giggle as youāre distracted from your phone before you go back to the voice memo. āWell Iām at brunch and I donāt want to take the metro home. Will you please come and pick me up?āĀ
Thereās some more chatter in the background. Kuroro can hear your friends teasing you in the background, before the message cuts off. His French is bad, and even after a few listens, he still canāt figure it out. Itās infuriatingly interesting.Ā
Moments later, a pin of your location comes in. Kuroro pulls it up, and he knows exactly which brunch spot it is. Itās one of your favorites that gives discounts for the professors who frequent it. Their mimosas arenāt bottomless, but theyāre made with mango orange juice, which makes all the difference.Ā
Iāll be right there, Kuroro texts back. He sets his book aside, heads to his room to change out of his robe into casual clothesā Trousers and a white button down that heās sure to not button up all the way. He hides his tattoo, applies cologne, slides on his loafers and picks up his keys from the foyer.Ā
The drive down to the brunch spot is short. He only gets stuck in traffic for a few minutes. He puts his hazards on outside of the restaurants and politely walks up to the hostess stand. Kuroro surveyed the restaurant, and his eyes landed on a rambunctious group. He gestures over to the group, and gives the hostess an apologetic smile. āIām afraid Iām here for them.āĀ
The hostess gives a little giggle at that, before letting him walk over.Ā
Heās immediately met with a chorus of squeals that would align more so with a group of schoolgirls than a group of decorated professors. However, champagne can do a lot to the mind.Ā
āOh my goodness, you came!ā You say excitedly. Your face is flush from the drinks, spreading down past your neck and the pretty pearls that rest there.Ā
āI got your voice message,ā Kuroro says, unable to help the little smile that was pulling at his lips. āDid you get my text back?āĀ
You shake your head, āI havenāt looked at my phone since I called you.āĀ
āAh,ā Kuroro says, standing behind you and resting his hands on your shoulders. āWhereās your waiter?āĀ
It takes a few seconds of Kuroro scanning the room before he makes eye contact with the man he took to be your waiter. āIāll be right back, okay? Go ahead and get your things together.āĀ
He leaves you to your own devices and crosses the restaurant to the waiter with a pitcher of water in his hands. āSorry to interrupt, is that your table over there?āĀ
The waiter nods. āYeah, I was about toāāĀ
āHere, let me save you the trouble,ā Kuroro says, handing over a card. After a few moments, he closes their tab with a signature that is not his own, and heads back over to the group of rowdy women. If he was six months younger, he would have pickpocketed them all.Ā
Instead, he helps you to your feet, and tells your friends that the bill was taken care of, and to have a wonderful rest of their Sunday (heād offer to take them home, but he drives a two seater to avoid having to do that). With perfect posture, he holds out a hand for you to take while you stand, alcohol making you slightly wobbly in your heels. Kuroro plucks your purse off the back of your chair so you donāt forget it, and focuses on escorting you out of the restaurant and to his car. His hands never leave your waist, keeping you steady.Ā
He opens the door to his car, and gently guides you in to make sure you donāt knock your head against the roof. Once both legs are neatly tucked away in his passenger seat, he sits your purse in your lap and carefully shuts the car door.Ā
With the free time you have, just while Kuroro rounds the car, you fiddle around in your purse. Not looking for anything in particular, just to look. To feel the cool of your lipstick tube against your fingers, hear the little clicks and clanks of your trinkets.Ā
Kuroro slides into the seat beside you and glances over at you. He slides his fingers down the length of the phone charging cord and offers it over to you. You glance at it, blinking once, before gasping and taking it from him. While you plug in your phone, Kuroro leans over to grab the seat belt and buckle you in. His cologne wafts over you, and you canāt help but slide your fingers through his hair, tracing up the nape of his neck and twirling one of the black strands around your finger.Ā
While he pulls back, he pauses before your face, and gives you a little half smile before settling back into his seat.Ā
He peels away from the curb onto the road. As your phone connects to the console, the music youād been listening to while getting ready hums through the speakers, cutting off the radio.Ā
āDid you have a good time?ā Kuroro asks, holding out his free hand for you to take. You gladly do, trailing your fingers over his long ones.Ā
āMhm,ā You hum, using your other hand to trace over his knuckles. āIām so glad you came and picked me up. Do you want to come over to my place?āĀ
āYou donāt want to come over to mine?ā Kuroro asks, casting a long-lashed gaze over in your direction. You ignore his gaze, focused on his hand instead. The hands move smoothly and silently on his watch.Ā
The candid desire you feel towards him only shines through when youāre under the influence; it aches something within Kuroro, something foreign that he hasnāt felt in ages.Ā
In all honesty, Kuroro is a little wounded that the only time youāre candid about wanting him over is when youāre under an influence. He wishes youād be under his influence.Ā
You ponder his question, looking from your hand joined with his to his lips.Ā
āIs it closer?āĀ
But Kuroro can play the long game. Heās got time. He canāt do much without his nen.Ā
āIt can be.āĀ
You ponder on it, glancing out the window for a moment. āOkay. Even though my place is better.āĀ
āOh?āĀ
āYeah,ā You hum. āYou donāt live at your place. Itās all cold.āĀ
āWe can go to your place, darling,ā Kuroro reassures you, a smile pulling at his lips. āI didnāt realize you were so... Averse to my apartment.āĀ
āIām not averse, Iām just. My place is nicer,ā You pout. āI have throw blankets. And art. And incense.āĀ
āI have throw blankets and art,ā Kuroro hums.Ā
āDo you have incense?ā You counter.Ā
āIām already heading to your place,ā Kuroro says, bringing your hand to his lips to press a kiss to the back. Into the skin, he says: āYou look very beautiful today.āĀ
You hum, giving him a wide smile. āReally?āĀ
Kuroro nods. āAbsolutely.āĀ
āI think you look hotter with your tattoo out,ā You say, not missing a beat.Ā
Kuroro chuckles. āI just donāt want to attract unwanted attention when weāre out.āĀ
You pout. His hand falls back to your thigh.Ā
āI also donāt think youād be able to last ten minutes if I left the house with it uncovered.āĀ
Your mind immediately wanders, mainly to Kuroro after a night out, not a date night, where he immediately takes off his covering and runs his fingers through his hair, shaking it out and pushing it back. Instinctively, your thigh comes to cross your other, only to sandwich Kuroroās hand there.Ā
He doesnāt move his hand.Ā
Going up to your apartment, Kuroro makes sure to keep his hands on your waist, steadying you in the elevator, letting you lean back against him.Ā
āMy apartmentās kind of a mess. I was getting ready.āĀ
It was easy to imagine the mess before even entering the apartment. A bounty of clothes strewn on the bed, makeup littered along your bathroom counter. Perhaps your coffee mug would still be by your chair, and your morning journal not yet tucked away.Ā
Heād give a peek if you took a nap.Ā
Upon arriving at your door, he takes your keys from your purse. For being so small, it certainly is an endless pit. Even for his deft fingers, it takes a few moments to locate them. Keys clink against their chains, and within moments the door to your apartment is open.Ā
Within moments of stepping in the apartment, you wrap your hands around the back of his neck and pull him down for a kiss. Kuroro makes a noise of surprise when your lips make contact with his.Ā
Youāre also considerably more under the influence now that youāre inside your apartment. Kuroroās hands come to steady your hips, legs already moving around a bit more than they would had you been stone cold sober.Ā
Kuroro indulges you for a breath more, before heās pulling away much to your displeasure. You whine, high in the back of your throat, and look up at him with big eyes that you had no business making at your grown age.Ā
He smiles, a little lopsided with charm, patting your hip.Ā
āLetās get you into something more comfortable,ā He suggests.Ā
You nod in agreement, reaching your hand up to slide your manicured nails under the bandana covering Kuroroās tattoo. You manage to push it up so it sits on his hairline, making the bangs of his hair stand up.Ā
āI was talking about you, not me,ā He states, but acquiesces, removing the garment and setting it on the hallway table. He then drops to a knee before you, undoing the straps of your shoes and helping you out of them.Ā
āYou didnāt wear boots,ā Kuroro notes, pressing a kiss to the inside of your knee before standing.Ā
Back on flat feet, you cross your legs for a brief moment before shrugging. āIt was brunch.āĀ
Kuroroās gaze is anything but discreet as he takes in your earrings, necklace, down to your dress before back to your face. Whatever he was going to say, whatever he was going to comment on, he decides against it. Instead, he toes off his own shoes and places his hands back on your hips, leading you further into your apartment.Ā
āIām hungry,ā You declare, walking into your bedroom and sliding the straps of your dress off your shoulders, reaching back to try and unzip it.Ā
Kuroroās fingers glide over yours, taking hold of the cheap zipper and sliding it down. He ducks his head down to press a kiss to your shoulder, holding your hand as you step out of the dress. He scoops it off the floor to place it on your chair of discarded options for the outing.Ā
āWhat would you like to eat?ā Kuroro asks, a small smile on his face as he helps himself to your dresser and pulls out a slip of silk for you to wear. He passes the fabric over you, which you mindlessly pull over your head.Ā
āLobster,ā You sigh, flopping face first onto the bed. You follow with a muffled, āPlease.āĀ
Kuroro tilts his head to the side and raises an eyebrow. āWhat brought this on?āĀ
āThey had a lobster eggs benedict. But I didnāt get it because I really wanted avocado toast and pancakes,ā You bemoan, rolling onto your back, throwing an arm over your eyes dramatically.Ā
Kuroro sits on the bed beside you, smoothing his hand over your nightgown, from your stomach to your waist and back again.Ā
āWe can go again next weekend,ā Kuroro promises, smiling fondly.Ā
You drop your arm to rest on the bed above you. āReally?āĀ
Kuroro nods, āReally.āĀ
You sigh happily, rolling over to rest your head on his thigh. āI think I should take a nap.āĀ
Kuroro rubs your back. āI think that might be a good idea. Do you want some water?āĀ
You nod, slowly sitting back up. āWill you nap with me?āĀ
āIāll stay with you,ā Kuroro says, standing and pressing a kiss to your forehead.Ā
āIām coming with you,ā You insist, following him out of the room.Ā
In the kitchen, you wrap your arms around Kuroroās middle and slide your hands up and down on his abdomen, feeling his abs through the material of his tucked in shirt. He pats your hands, turning to give you the glass of water.Ā
You take a few dutiful sips, standing there far too close to the man. The entire cup is gone by the time youāre slipping under your covers and Kuroro is shirtless in sweatpants that he allegedly āleftā at your apartment. Forgoing your pillow, you instead place your head on Kuroroās lap, closing your eyes.Ā
His fingers play with your hair, carefully moving the strands away from your face.Ā
āāM readinā some stuff. On the table.āĀ
Kuroro looks over his shoulder, at the nightstand that does have a few books stacked up on it. A Room of Oneās Own, Mary Oliverās Devotions. Your Kindle is being used as a coaster for an empty glass of wine.Ā
That is more interesting to him than two books he knows front to back. He shifts to grab the Kindle, flipping over the cover.Ā
Hearing your Kindle front cover magnetize itself to the back of the cover, your eyes flash open.Ā
āWhat are you doing?ā You ask.Ā
āIāve read both the books, I want to seeāā
You sit up quickly, almost too quickly, and try to grab the device back from Kuroro. A small smile tugs at his cheeks as he holds the device far away from you.Ā
You huff as you fall on his chest, hand resting on a pec to catch yourself.Ā
āI didnāt know you had one of these,ā Kuroro says, his grin evident in his voice.Ā
āItās for book club,ā You mumble.Ā
āOh?ā He asks, āI didnāt know you were in a book club.āĀ
āāS who I had brunch with today.āĀ
āIs it?ā Kuroro asks, raising his eyebrows. āNo wonder you drank so much, you left the source material at home.āĀ
āJe peux avā JeāāĀ
Kuroro raises an eyebrow.Ā
āI can have a conversation about a book sans le livre,ā You huff, sitting back on your knees and crossing your arms.Ā
Shamelessly, Kuroro drops his eyes to the way your breasts are pressed together before back to your face.Ā
āSo why canāt I see whatās on here?ā He asks, gently shaking it side to side in his hold.Ā
Your blush spreads down your neck. Resoutly, you look away from him.Ā
āIt's a secret.āĀ
āLay back down, darling,ā Kuroro urges, patting his thigh and setting the Kindle back down on the nightstand.Ā
Seeing the offending device put down, you climb back under the sheets and rest your head back on Kuroroās thigh. He picks up one of the other books from the nightstand, opening it to a random page. Once your breathing evens out, he trades it for your Kindle, curiosity piqued. Almost as much as you wanted lobster eggs benedict about an hour ago.Ā
A week later, when youāre sitting across from him in the same brunch place, in the same shoes and a similar dress, lobster eggs benedict in front of you and two mimosas in that Kuroro brings it back up again. He washes his bite down with a sip of water.
āSo, I read those books on your Kindle. I got them from the local library. I can see why you didnāt want me knowing you read them,ā He says.Ā
You pause, mid-cut. āFrom⦠The library?āĀ
Kuroro nods. āI told the woman checking me out that the woman I was interested in had them and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Do you want to know what she said?āĀ
You take another sip of your mimosa. āDo I?ā
āShe said, I wish I had a boyfriend like you.āĀ
You suck your teeth. āNo she didnāt.āĀ
Kuroro grins at that. āShe did. Anyways, they were much different from what Iām used to reading. I do think itās interesting that Maas took such a strong female protagonist and turned her into a traditional wife. A ruined opportunity if you ask me.āĀ
You take a deep breath, weighing your options. Instead of being defiant, you take another bite of the food before you and finish your mimosa in one fell swoop.Ā
āYeah, it was kind of a cop out.āĀ
Kuroro nods. āI can also see why you would need to be so drunk to talk about it.āĀ
You roll your eyes, groaning. Embarrassed but touched. āWill you drop it?āĀ
Kuroro smiles and shakes his head. āAfter the two thousand pages I read? Absolutely not.āĀ
he is incredibly picky with his food, will not try anything new if he even thinks he won't like it. he won't eat anything you make him unless you follow his instructions for how he likes it, and he's so deadpan about it you'll have no idea if you're doing it right until he sits down and eat it. he also really likes vinager will somehow incorporates it into anything he eats if he can.
mistaā¦oh I feel so bad clowning on him but he makes it very easy
messy. leaves his shoes thrown across the floor and gets water all over the bathroom tiles and doesnāt wipe it up. you politely ask him to please clean up this pigsty and he says āyeah of course babe :)ā and then doesnāt. and itās not that he does it on purpose itās just like he doesnāt even perceive the mess
blanket hog to the extreme. youāll wake up freezing with no covers and start trying to yank them out from under him. he wakes up and is like āoh babe! here let me cover you up :)ā and then promptly falls back asleep, rolls over and steals them all again. at this point just get your own
risotto is just so stoic. when you first start dating him you figure he just needs some time to loosen up. not really. he does eventually feel much more comfortable around you but the straight-face rarely goes away. youāll learn to pick up on his subtle mannerisms but thatās about it. you surprise him with his favorite take out because heās been stressed lately and his reaction is just āthank you. this is very considerate :| ā
kind of weird about physical affection. he touches you like he has no idea how to do it lmao, which is probably because he didnāt get much affection growing up or even into adulthood (sad), but it results in him sort of awkwardly rubbing his hands up and down your arms, patting your back very stiffly, petting your head like a dog (still sad but funny)
I wanna do something nice.. say something you appreciate about the person you reblogged this from!! even if it's smth as small as their profile photo :)
you know feitan is basically in love with you when he a) agrees to go with you into a makeup store with minimal griping, and b) when you step out he starts shaking his clothes and out falls all the products you looked at while you were in there
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Yan Chrollo would memorize the way you react to his every touch and movement. Touching your side would cause you to shift away, sliding down to the swell of your ass would earn him a slap on the wrist.
Dragging his nails down from your elbow to your hand, gradually entwining his fingers with yours would cause a pleasurable shiver down your spine that didnāt go unnoticed. The way you jolt when he squeezes your thigh before acting disgusted was tucked away in his mind for safe keeping.
Try as you might to hide it, but your more pleasant reactions to him only built his arsenal of tools to use against you.
Heād start off slow so you didnāt catch on to him. Then heād get more and more handsy until you were too caught up in the moment to tell him off. The hands that once slapped him away were now carding into the roots of his hair and gently tugging.
Heād relish in the way your body betrays you. Watching the hatred in your eyes melt away into confusion and disgust at the way you so willingly give him what he desires.
Your innocence and self respect would be stripped away and discarded; heād greedily take them for himself, eager to throw it back in your face the moment you once again look at him with apathy.
Nothing to him was holy but you. Unfortunately, he had a way of tarnishing all things sacred.
just did some for chrollo but he is so annoying thereās plenty more
even in a non-yandere relationship chrollo is weird and creepy. heās good at hiding it though, so youād really only have a nagging feeling that something was off. he snoops through your stuff when he feels like it, going through your phone, journal, drawers, whatever. youāre just so cute. itās endearing that you think you can hide stuff from him lmao
tries to act so cool but is actually a grandfather. loves a hot cup of tea at night. thinks a trip to the library is a riveting date idea (he wants to see which books you look at). you bring him with you to a doctors appointment and he picks up a readerās digest in the waiting room. shoves it in his coat pocket and walks out with it, too.
feitan in a non-yandere context is so fucking funny to me. heās weird as hell. wants so badly to look like he hates you because he has an Image to keep up, but in reality youāre one of the only people he can stand to be around so he canāt risk running you off. results in him being an unbearably awkward tsundere. wants your positive attention but will never ask for it. gets cranky when you donāt give it to him the way he wants. poor soggy rat baby
a prankster for sure. puts hot sauce in your food while youāre not looking. pours water on your face to wake you up. chases you around with bugs. do NOT prank him back though unless youāre prepared to start a war you will not win