edge of the world

“Yeah, well, you’re welcome. Next time you won’t be so lucky,” Dani said, playing along as if the apology was anywhere necessary. Because it absolutely wasn’t, though she appreciated it none the less. Truth be told, she felt a little bad, if only because he seemed to be a genuinely nice person trying to save someone from the downpour. Thankfully, the awning had been doing its job and Dani managed to stay relatively dry despite the continued rain.

“You know what a murderer wouldn’t do? Give me their social security and credit card number,” Dani said with a deadpan expression before her eyebrow ticked upward and a slight grin made its way to her features. Did she think he was a murderer? No. He didn’t seem to have that vibe. That and she hadn’t been lying about the mace so she didn’t feel very threatened. “I’m Dani, by the way. And I’m also not a murderer…” She said, figuring she’d introduce herself if the rain was going to take a its sweet time, “You might not be a murderer but you know what you are—” She said, reaching over to tug him to the side lightly so he was no longer the victim of the rain runoff from the awning, “Wet.”

⛰

“Don’t got a credit card,” he answered with a shrug, “Does that make me more serial killer-y or less?” he questioned, almost musing, but also keeping up with their current jest.  “And I think the last time I had my social security number memorized was filling out FAFSA forms for college,” he chuckled, “So if that’s the only way to convince you, I guess i’m shit out of luck.”    

“Makes me think of that joke,” he started after she assured him she also, was not a murderer, “Someone picks up a hitch hiker, and the hitch hiker jokes ‘thanks for picking me up, I swear I’m not a killer’, and the driver says ‘oh, I know’, hitch hiker responds ‘how’s that?’, ‘well, what’s the chances of both of us being killers?’.” He finished, scratching the back of his neck, suddenly wondering why the fuck he had started speaking to begin with.  “Wet and LJ.” he replied, “I mean, my name is LJ.  Nice to meet you, Dani.” 

He was taken aback slightly as she pulled him back under the awning, but gave her an appreciative smile, knowing as waterproof as his jacket might claim to be, it’d probably be reaching it’s limit soon.  “Would it be too cliche to ask if you come here often?”

Natalie watched the man as he spoke, her eyes innately narrowing, a misguided suspicion. She was wary, lately; she’d been proven right–even if by her own hand–and now she didn’t know what or whom could be trusted with her sincere interest. Still, he spoke so plainly and unremarkably that she was drawn to believe him, his words resonating with her. The only time in her life she’d felt like she knew who she was was when she was Rafael’s wife; now, the image was much blurrier. “You’re probably a very good gift-giver,” she remarked, a small smile on her lips. 

Sighing, then, she shifted her weight from one foot to another, casting her gaze back toward the ware. “Maybe it’s not meant to happen today. I feel like–I just moved into this new place, you know, and it’s the first time in a long time that I’ve had a space that’s just mine, and…I’ve just been trying to fill it with stuff that I immediately like. Does that make sense? Just–things I instantly connect with.” She looked back over to him. “I just feel like I don’t have it in me to settle for stuff I only half-enjoy.”

⛰

“I like to think so,” he said with another shrug; always the shrugger, “Although, only for people I know real well.  Which is few and far between.  So maybe in general, not so much.” The last words were said with a small breathless chuckle, accompanied by a scratching of the back of his neck, second guessing himself a second nature.  

To be fair, the next words she spoke didn’t make sense, at least not to him, but he nodded along, taking a moment before answering, rather than giving her an empty platitude of ‘I get that’.  Because he didn’t.  Having never really understood living space as an extent of one’s self.  Or perhaps, he had never been able to.  The few years he remembered with his mother had been ones bereft of most material things and finding individuality in the items you surrounded yourself was not something they could afford.  Then the beginning of his time with his aunt and uncle, had been a mix of spending all his energy on anger and hurt, as well as fearing any attempt to make the place feel like home in case he had to leave again...And even when that place had become home, he just never got around to it.  He blamed it on practicality and a love of living simply, but perhaps there was more to it.

“Sounds like maybe you’re trying to rush it,” What it was, he wasn’t sure, but it sounded suspiciously like a fresh start, a new beginning. “You’re building a home for yourself, and that doesn’t happen over night.  Who knows, maybe you won’t find your instant-love lamp for another year or two, and you’ll find it at a flea market three towns over.  Maybe just get something that serves you for now, and wait for the right...Lamp, or whatever to find you.” Woof, who knew lamps could be so heavy. 

In the interest of ‘personal growth,’ ‘discovering himself,’ and ‘getting out of the house and away from his overbearing parents in the two weeks left before he moved into his apartment,’ Louis had risen early to attempt to catch the sunrise on the dunes. He couldn’t recall if he’d done this before – but if he squinted he almost had a memory of a memory. What he did not remember, as it turned out, was the unpredictability of the weather, and how it could rain at a moment’s notice. One moment, Louis was sitting on the cold sand, and the next, fat droplets were hitting his head, quickly soaking his sweatshirt and shorts. More out of surprise than anything else, Louis sat for another few moments in the open rain, as the downpour grew heavier and harder, until he realized it was not a passing shower but actual rain, and he collected himself and began to jog back to his car. 

The shouting didn’t register to him at first, in his single-minded focus to get somewhere dry, but repeated calls finally broke through Louis’ concentration and he changed direction, approaching another young man who was in much better shape that Louis currently was. “Thanks,” he said after a moment, out of breath, his hands on his knees. “Don’t really know what I was thinking except … well, I guess I just wasn’t,” he said by way of explanation. “And I know it’s just a little water but damn if I just don’t want to get wet,” he added after a short pause. “You waiting it out, too?”

⛰

Generally LJ didn’t mind a bit of rain, his job requiring him to work in all types of weather, after all horses and cattle didn’t really give two shits if it was cold or wet when they were waiting to be fed.  But with the abuse he put his body through day in and day out, if he didn’t have to get wet and cold and leave his bones aching more than they did already, why should he?  But despite his old fart-iness in the fact that he could tell if it was going to rain by a tell-tale ache in his knee, he still had his youthful stupidity and headed out into the dunes anyways.

“Nah, I just really love hanging out in front of trail info signs.  Great spot to meet fellow singles.” Despite the facetiousness of his words, LJ had a warm grin on his face, all jokes.  “But I get it, I had a gut feeling it was gonna rain and I came out anyways, so I guess we’re in the same boat.”

Natalie had been set adrift since her divorce, and, as such, found it difficult to meaningfully connect with others. Perhaps that’s why she’d asked the stranger in the first place, despite not generally caring for the opinions of others–desperation for contact with someone. The very thought made her feel pathetic, and she worked eagerly to stifle the idea, to insist to herself that she was just being sociable. The attempt offered mixed results. She sighed. 

“I sometimes have a hard time determining what’s stylish and what’s controversial in an attempt to be stylish,” she admitted, canting her head to view the piece in question once more. “But in this case, I think it’s just generally unappealing. Which doesn’t make it innately interesting.”

She turned to eye the man, genuinely curious as to whether or not he was even listening, pleasantly surprised to find he was. She surveyed the items in his basket, then let her gaze lift to him once again. Something for his wife, she presumed. “I appreciate your input,” she offered. Quieter, she averted her gaze back toward the light fixtures, admitting in slight defeat, “I’m having a bit of a hard time deciding what I actually like, lately.”

⛰

“Sometimes I also have to wonder if it was purposeful or if they had been working on it so long they didn’t realize and no one wanted to tell them, you know?” Levi mused, before adding on “Either way, they need better friends.” he couldn’t help the small snort he let loose at the thought.  

But as he took in her words, he couldn’t help but feel them ring true for himself as well.  Although, in his case it hadn’t just been ‘lately’, and if he really thought about it, he’d probably discover it was ever since had come back to help with the ranch.  Or...Maybe even before that.  Everything is his life had been about practicality, what he wore, what he did with his free time, what he ate.  And for those brief two years off the ranch, before he had gotten into the type of trouble that puts you in a grave, he thought he had been experiencing freedom, figuring out who he was and what he liked.  But there he was again, melting into the crowd, listening to what they listened to, doing what they did.  And then he was back on the ranch, and while this time had felt different, LJ still had difficult differentiating between where the ranch and his responsibilities ended and he began. 

“I get that,” he nodded, a small sentiment considering all the large thoughts running amok in his head.  “I mean, I can tell you what other people would like,” he motioned to the items in his basket, “I know my Aunt will like these, and my Uncle would like those,” he motioned once more but to the hardware he had decided to leave on the shelf.  “But couldn’t tell you which one I would choose for myself.” He said with a shrug, unsure if he was commiserating or trying to comfort. Or if either were working.

Living in California gave way to beautiful landscapes and mountains, the type most people would travel to appreciate and soak in. However, Dani hadn’t been like most people. She was native to southern California and had never had even an inkling to step out onto a hike during her nearly thirty-six years in the place. But no one could escape change, not even her. She had been living in Eureka for nearly two years now and it was safe to say she was laying down some major roots. Some of those roots were found at her workplace, so when her two co-workers begged her to join them on a hike that weekend, she found herself regrettably and reluctantly saying yes. So there she was, up in the dunes as the rain came pouring down over her. It was safe to say she was regretting the decision. While her two co-workers decided to brave the rest of the trail despite the rain, Dani had taken it as a cosmic sign that she didn’t belong in lululemons out in nature and began the trek back to safety.

As she walked down the trail back towards her car, Dani was startled by a man jumping out and couldn’t help the words that slipped out of her mouth, “What the fuck man, I have mace,” She shouted, more as a natural instinct than anything else. However, once she noticed he was only trying to point her in the direction of an awning that would keep her dry, she cursed under her breath suddenly feeling like somewhat of a jerk. While it had initially scared her a little bit, once she saw the dry patch, her desire to be out of the rain overturned her fear. Once Dani was able to catch her breath and push back strands of wet hair out of her face, she turned her attention back towards the stranger, “Sorry about earlier — it’s just, I watch a lot of crime documentaries and statistically speaking a woman out on a run during bad weather, is like, a guaranteed death, so…” her words trailed off in an attempt not to ramble on women getting murdered. 

⛰

Levi liked to consider himself a mindful person, always observant of his actions and words and the reactions they might get, but sometimes, like in that moment, he would realize what a blunder he had made.  His hands shot up in a sort of ‘it’s just me, don’t shoot’ motion, although he didn’t know what good that would do, he was still a man, and she was still a woman in an isolated area.  Damn, he hadn’t thought that through.  He could only imagine the cuff upside the head he’d get from his aunt if she had known he had been so thoughtless.

“To be honest, it would’ve been well deserved, so I won’t hold it against you, and instead say thank you for not doing that.” LJ chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a bit, and come off as unthreatening as possible, even going so far as to take a step away from her, despite the fact that it put one of his shoulders directly under the dripping edge of the awning.  “I would try and assure you I’m not a murderer, but that sorta feels like something a murderer would do...So I’m sorta at an impasse, here.”

Insanely early morning walks weren’t completely out of the norm for Levi. Sometimes he’d awake with a start, a dream having disturbed him enough that forced him into consciousness.  He could never remember what they were about, although he had a fairly good idea.  And then the pain would start.  It always began as a pin point in his back, and he was fairly sure if someone were to hold their finger over it, they’d be x marks the spot on a fairly nasty exit wound from a decade and another life time ago.  The pain would slowly get less specific and more diffused as it worked it’s way over his entire left side, and it was at that point LJ always found him throwing on a shirt and shoes and hitting the dunes.  And he’d walk until it didn’t hurt anymore.  Sometimes that was twenty minutes, sometimes it was two hours.  He had never been able to get a straight answer on whether the pain was physical or psychosomatic, although at this point he guessed it didn’t really matter.

It wasn’t until rain splattered against tanned skin did he realize just how far he had gone, all the way to Ma-le'l Dunes this time.  Despite the time of year, the California rain still had the ability to chill someone down to the bone, so in efforts to avoid it, Levi ducked under the small awning attached to and informational hiking trail board, figuring he could wait it out.  He was looking over the landscape, appreciating the fact that it almost looked more beautiful as the rain washed away the humidity that had hung in the air and cast the landscape in a grey-blue hue, when he saw a figure begin to emerge through the gloom, a bit down the trail, seemingly running for what he could only assume was a car waiting for them all the way back at the parking lot.  Without thinking about how frightening the idea of a person hopping seemingly out of nowhere, he did so anyways, calling out and trying to wave them down to relative dryness. 

Lumbermill Mercantile | OPEN

Summer had granted Natalie an expanse of time with which she could do whatever she’d wanted, and what she’d wanted to do, more than anything, was run. With her grandparents emphatic permission–and the assurance they’d be cared for by a few neighbors–she left. New York for a couple of weeks, revisiting old haunts and older friends, and then off to Greece for nearly a month, where she holed up in her rental home, drinking wine and listening to music too loud, sunbathing during the crystalline clear days and chasing away her yearning each evening, sometimes filling the void with a warm body but always regretting it.  Once again unmoored, Natalie had been forced to reconcile with her oppressive loneliness, the ache that couldn’t ever seem to be resolved. She hadn’t changed at all, hadn’t felt better for the time spent there. So while she wouldn’t venture as far as to say she was glad to be back in Eureka, she knew that, ultimately, her return was an inevitability–and if there was one thing Natalie knew well, it was that there was no point in delaying the inevitable. 

With the dwindling summer in its twilight, she was keen to spend the rest of her truly free time doing whatever pleased her. She’d ended up dawdling around town after an impromptu lunch trip had led her on a sort of scavenger hunt for more bursts of temporary joy, and, after a trip the theatre where she’d spent most of the movie crying in the dark, she’d finally ended up at the mercantile. She knew she didn’t need anything for the new place, of course, but was not intent on dissuading herself should something pique her interest. Basket hanging from her arm, she headed toward a display of homewares, eyes trained on an interesting light fixture. She was captivated by it, but couldn’t determine the attraction; as someone came beside her to survey the same wares, she weighed the potential annoyance of asking them their opinion, before deciding it wasn’t insurmountable. “Is this great, or is it hideous? I am having a genuinely hard time deciding.” 

⛰

Sometimes the ranch felt like a world unto itself.  It was just far enough from town that making constant trips into Eureka was inconvenient, so they tended to stock up on necessities.  Meaning, with his busy schedule, sometimes it could be weeks before LJ had a reason to venture into town.  It kept distractions minimal, but also meant sometimes the rancher couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken to someone other than a ranch hand about anything other than work, or what chores had to be done, or what they had to get started on the next day.

It’s why he looked forward to any errand that would bring him into town, a quick change of scenery that would leave him refreshed but also give him new appreciation for the tranquility of being removed from town when he got back home to the ranch.  Today’s task was looking for a new set of cupboard handles for his Aunt and Uncle’s kitchen, as he finally convinced Uncle Ray to let him replace the cheap ones he had installed when the man had built the cabin.  LJ argued he had to look at the damn things every morning when he had his morning cup of coffee with them, he should be able to replace them.  

His eyes were flicking between two options, one he knew Ray would like, but the other one definitely more Noreen’s style, and he had to make the decision of who’s good side he wanted to be on more.  With a resolute nod he picked out the more stylish of the options, knowing it was a bad idea to mess with a matriarch, and began to load his basket.  

He began to turn on his heel when his ears perked at a voice in the fairly quiet aisle, and after looking around to ensure he was the intended recipient, he paused, trying to track their eye-line to see the offending piece of hardware.  

“Well, it’s certainly....Phallic? Not sure if that answers your question but I’m a bit at a loss for words, actually.” He answered, tilting his head at the light fixture, trying to see if looking at it from a different angle made it any less provocative.  

Mad River Ranch || @lj-lewis​

Compromise was her new way of dealing with herself, constant deals being struck to ensure that she didn’t shut herself off from the world but still took enough time for herself. An effort was being made to make up for lost time with those she loved and cared about but as much as she was finding happiness in Eureka, something still didn’t quite feel right. Therapy had been one of the first things she had done after leaving LA but having felt as though she’d worked through most of her issues, a part of her was still reluctant to admit that she might need more. Still not entirely convinced that it was the right choice for herself going forward, Ava had decided to take a trip up to Mad River Ranch to see whether or not it would be a good fit. Maybe just being around the horses with no distractions would give her what she needed to clear her head. Spotting no one in the immediate vicinity she took the chance to wander slightly, heading towards a field dotted with horses.

Initially her intention had been just to play spectator but she found herself feeling drawn to a pretty, quiet bay that was stood by the fence. Her experience with horses was limited enough that she might have felt apprehensive but there was something about its calm nature that encouraged her. So she took as step closer with arm outstretched. Careful extension of her hand was met by the horse’s velvet muzzle and that was all the reassurance she needed. Moments later she was stroking the horse, murmuring sweet nothings as she did. She wasn’t sure how long she was there for - it felt like no time at all and all the time in the world all at once - but her reverie was broken by the sound of footsteps approaching. Hands were dropped slowly, finding themselves new homes in her back pockets as she took a step backwards. “There didn’t seem to be anyone around and I didn’t see any signs.” The words aren’t quite apologetic, more explanatory but there is a hint of penitence in her expression.

⛰

Ever since Levi had introduced the therapy program to the ranch, quiet days had been few and far between, between all their appointments and all the non-therapy business it had brought them.  It had meant LJ could expand parts of the business he had been eyeing for awhile, but he hadn’t quite gotten around to hiring all the extra help that it required, and was often left running around the ranch like a chicken with his head cut off.  But that day had been a serendipitous mix of cancelled appointments, rescheduled deliveries, and finished chores, leaving LJ on a near empty ranch with nothing pressing to get done.  He was in heaven.  He loved his job, and he loved the advancements he was making on the ranch, but sometimes he did miss just leaning against a fence, horse nuzzling his shoulder in search of apples, or riding through the fields and mountains with no thought of what he had to get done for the day.  Days like this were ways for him to reconnect to just that.

With a saddle tossed on his shoulder, he had been heading out to the pasture, in search of a particular mare, figuring the quiet day was the perfect time to start getting her used to being ridden, when he found her already preoccupied by a figure leaning against the fence.  Granted, they didn’t exactly want randoms wandering around, mostly for liability reasons.  Kid trampled by stampede of horses wouldn’t be good for the equine therapy program who’s clients were mostly children, would it?  But with the calm of the day and the horse’s disposition, LJ wasn’t about to fuss about it.  “Nah, it’s okay.  Salome is nice anyways, just a bit skittish.” He said, gesturing to the horse in front of the woman.  “I was just about to try and saddle her up if you wanted to watch.  Not gonna be able to ride her today, but maybe sometime in the future.”

…

Catalina laughed. “Yeah, they always say the last month is the worst part and they sure are right.” She smiled as she nodded her head, extending her index finger towards him. “Please do cross your fingers because if I’m one of those women that’s over a week late I’m not sure my sanity would be able to handle it.” She teased. She glanced towards the pastries in the display case, letting the smile stay on her features as she nodded her head. “They do say getting baked goods is the best part of the errand filled days. It’s like a little treat for yourself for being an adult and getting shit done.” She laughed. “Those pharmacy lines are the worst,” she nodded her head as she turned to walk into the kitchen, grabbing a to-go box on her way in. She came out a few seconds later, placing the box on the counter and pushing it towards him. “Fresh out of the oven about five minutes before you got here. They shouldn’t be burn your mouth hot anymore.”

⛰

“I couldn’t even imagine, you’ve got my admiration, that’s for damn sure.” he chuckled, “I’ve been told my mom worked up until the day she popped me out, purely because she couldn’t bear to sit at home and wait.  And hey, it worked, I was two weeks early.” He said with a shrug, most of his stories of his mothers were recited from others, rather than his own memories, having only known her for those short few years.  “Don’t tell anyone but sometimes I make the trip into town just for the pastries.  But after baling hay all day, I think I deserve it.” Not to mention ever since his uncle had retired, if it was a slow day on the ranch, LJ found that he could go all day without speaking to another soul, and sometimes he craved that contact with a being other than a horse.  Only sometimes, though.  “I don’t mind the lines.  It’s the pharmacy tech loudly announcing the medications.  Like, I really didn’t need to know the very kindly old lady in front of me had hemorrhoids, I just don’t.  I don’t think HIPPA has made it’s way to Eureka, yet.” He snorted with a shake of his head.  -- “I’m a sucker for punishment and would have probably eaten them anyways. -- Any others that you recommend I shouldn’t be walking out of here without?”

WHERE: Cal’s WITH: Open

Only a handful of days had passed since Andy’s release and rather than venture out into the world and attempt to reconnect with it, he found himself sitting at the bar with an untouched bottle of beer in front of him. Of his collection of vices, alcohol had always reared its ugly head the loudest, and Andy had yet to figure out how to turn away from the noise. Picking at the frayed edge of the bottle’s label, the man eased out a long sigh and shook his head. Naturally, he recognized that the bottle nestled between his hands was the very thing that helped land him in his most recent predicament, but right now, he wanted to forget about all of that, or at least dull the sting of it. He rolled his shoulders, hoping to shrug off the weight of the still unsigned divorce papers tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket, and lifted his beer from the bartop. “Alright,” Andy drawled, finally breaking his silence as he turned to the person beside him, “What’re we drinkin’ to this fine afternoon?” He asked, boasting a small, yet roguish grin as he raised his bottle in a mock toast, “Your call.” 

⛰

LJ wasn’t one for sticking his nose in others’ business, but...Well, Andy wasn’t just anyone.  Andy was the man that after almost 20 years, knew what thoughts lingered in all those dark nooks and crannies in Levi’s mind, and LJ was fairly sure he was the person that knew the same of Andy.  So he understood why Cal’s was the safe haven he had chosen to waste away the hours of the day in.  But that didn’t mean he thought it was a good idea.  “If it was really my call we’d be drinking  o you getting your ass off this bar stool, and doing literally anything else to keep your dumb ass out of trouble.” Levi replied dryly, his chin resting on his knuckles, while he tried to look as disapproving as possible, but being horribly out of practice.  He figured if he couldn’t win the man over with logic, perhaps he could guilt him into making good choices.