You’ve Yee’d Your Last Haw Partner

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

u ever just sit and listen to the war happening in the trenches of ur small intestine

It is extremely rare that I get unintentionally rickrolled. It is extremely common that I look at a link and think to myself, that's a rickroll, and I click on it. Then I get to enjoy the satisfaction of being correct, as well as the entirety of Never Gonna Give You Up. That shit is a banger. If someone offers me a link directly to that song you think I'm not gonna take it? No. You know the rules and so do I. It's Astley time.

if you told vin diesel fast and the furious you were gay he'd be like "Some people like driving stick…some people like driving automatic…what matters is you cross the finish line.." and then he'd rev up a dodge challenger and drive through a building and kill 16 people

If you asked if he was cool with trans people, he'd probably say "sometimes, aftermarket parts are the only way to get the vehicle you really want. Everyone should have the right to hot rod."

I just need a beautiful woman to tell me that my bizarre imitation of human social skills is alluring and sexy

God forbid women do anything

whenever youre wasting time on job applications always remember youre ALSO wasting someone else's time. so it's not all bad. going down, hand in unlovable hand, with an anonymous HR manager

a moment of silence for my roommate who has to endure me doing linguistics homework. out loud. making sounds with parts of my mouth and throat I didn’t even realise I could use to make sounds. repeatedly and with passion

i think the moment of silence needs to come directly from you on this one

i love it and hate it when a character in a story is so obviously created to be cool and awesome and then i do think they're cool and awesome. like fuck, yeah, ok, they're fucking epic. swag as hell. you got me you coolbaited me ok? i'm coolbaited.

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

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DIG

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

✿＼(｡-_-｡) “Kick his ass, baby.  I got yo flower.”

thanks for ruining my post jackass

(￣^￣ﾒ)＼✿ "Fine, I'ma keep ya damn flower.“  

@hellsite-hall-of-fame look I found it

got a giant and i mean GIANT fresh-squeezed strawberry lemonade at the farmer's market today. i'm talking like a full quart with a straw in it. very delicious. five dollars. nice. as i was leaving, laden with vegetables, a young man waved at me and asked where i had acquired my immense beverage. and after i pointed him toward the stall and informed him of the various prices and flavors, he looked toward the sky, basketball shorts flapping in the breeze, and bellowed to the heavens, "oh i am gonna SLUUUUUUUURP that." happy slurp that saturday everyone.

i really do think we should substitute gacha games instead for like. the random wikipedia article button. gives you the same "yay i got something new and exciting!" feeling without spending any money and you get to learn something new on wikipedia. the problem is that its missing a cute little storage menu where you can see all the links to different articles youve "collected"

so many people could be weaned off of gambling if we just gamified that website a *little* bit

okay so ummmmm. its real