You’ve Yee’d Your Last Haw Partner

(never degraded someone before) you have your mother's cruelty. and your father's cowardice.

There's something about forehead touches that's gayer than kissing

There's something about kissing that's more heterosexual than holding hands

😳 the pinky touch

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

hello, fellow apes

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

The tumblrest sentence I have ever seen

“No homo” cries the team at the dig site. The head archaeologist sinks to his knees, sobbing. He has dedicated his entire career to the pursuit of homo habilis, an important part of the hominid evolutionary line. All his work led up to this archaeological dig site. But now, his whole life has been for nothing. There is no homo….there is only Australopithecus.

I read this to a group of archaeologists and they completely lost their shit

My woke take, as someone who has worked in both a public library and a school library, is that we desperately need both more books that are at a higher reading level but a less mature subject matter, and more books that are at a lower reading level but a more mature subject matter, because 8 year olds who are advanced readers are still 8 year olds and don't want to read about graphic violence and torture, and teens and adults who have learning difficulties or who are just later readers for whatever reason are still teens and adults and don't want to read about Billy the Bunny going to school or whatever the hell.

the fact that on my way out of seeing the hadestown proshot with my sibling i was walking to the theater exit and without even thinking about it i turned around to see where they were... yeah. yeah.

like. you can be frustrated at orpheus. you can be heartbroken for orpheus and eurydice. you should be. but when you're walking together and your loved one isn't right next to you that instinct to turn around and check on them is as natural as breathing

Holy fuck I just read this whole damn article and it is G R I P P I N G. I strongly recommend giving it a read if you get a chance

That elderly couple who volunteers at the soup kitchen after church on Sundays and attends every town hall meeting has done more community direct action than 99% of internet leftists 🤷🏽‍♀️

Local activism stopped garbage collection from being privatized in my hometown and local activism is what defunds the police and keeps libraries and community gardens open and gets done most of the things people waiting around for a revolution claim they want. The weird former hippie suburban wine moms donating bags of quinoa chips and money to the food pantry I go to sometimes have done more for me materially then any defeatist political rant on tumblr ever has.

#local politics#so many people saying local elections won’t do anything for police brutality#when a lot of places in the US elect their sherrif!#and judges!#and all the other people in charge of the police!#but no I’m just a filthy moderate for suggesting we use EVERY tool at our disposal to improve the state of things (tags via @sofiadragon)

So the UK will reroute a fucking Internet cable for a fake grave for a fake elf because a bunch of brain dead nerds through a pissy fit, and meanwhile real actual natives in the US are getting arrested for trying to keep oil sand pipelines from going through their actual graves, holy sites and unceded territory. Burn it all down.

oh it's worse, it's not an internet cable, it's a cable for distributing cleanly generated solar/wind electricity

this grave has a real life physical location and YOU 🫵 can destroy it

they routed the project and such that it's close to an actual Bronze Age burial site btw. so they're possibly disturbing REAL graves in order to not "disturb" a fictional character's "grave"

Thats crazy dude mind if i join you

such insolence... guards? seize her! ...no. stop. not like that. you are doing it gay. why are you seizing her gay style