oy!

TEDDY. I mean, that man has definitely accepted a golden shower in his lifetime. Not to say that’s like… a problem. I don’t kinkshame. But it was one of those incidents where he kinda just hopped in the shower after, no soap, and called it a day. FELIX. That man has dirtbag written all over him. An absolutely maniac, a disgusting vile human being. I feel it in my bones that if he hasn’t already killed someone and harvested their organs, it’s in his future. BROOKS. Look, I know he’s a dad and that’s totally chill, but you’re not exempt just because you took part in bringing a child into this world. You had the easy part, bro. Ain’t nothing impressive about coming in someone. If anything, makes you more of a dirtbag. Wrap it up, Big Shot!

@teddylaws, @felixneal, @savcged

elias. not because I hate the boy but I weirdly feel like he has a cute head shape so he could work it. mr. clean realness.

as a magic eight ball once told me: “ask again later. or never. that’s better.” I think mine was defective. but my main ship I guess is me and a bottle of tequila. #soulmates.

Kinky! No offence, but your child is not valid if you had it before twenty-seven. We’re millennials. The only mother he’s gonna get for that thing is going to be twice his age, Mother Firefly or someone looking to sell its’ organs. 

@lanajvmeson, @miaxcs, @savcged

Honestly, I’d have to go with Adrian on this one. Something about him just screams chaos.

@adrianromano

Tommy, so far. He reminds me of the chaotic mind of the person that invented the Facebook algorithm that makes those t-shirts that suit your interest, but like in a human being. 

@tommyhwthrn

Yeah… Fuck… Yeah. We saw. We came and we saw. Zeke came and he nearly died. We fucking get it. They had sex and Lana’s weirdo boyfriend wasn’t happy about it, from what I’m gathering. I feel for Lana, but can’t say I mind seeing a rich boy down. 

@lanajvmeson, @zekevd

Lana and Gunner better go to town on that ferris wheel or we riot.

@lanajvmeson, @gunnerpaxton

Ooooh……. That’s intense. Too intense for me, really. Too much edge. Maybe Lana beat the shit out of him when she found out his personality wasn’t just an act and he’s really just like that.

@zekevd, @lanajvmeson

When I read this, I started crying and I couldn’t stop. Now I am in the hospital.

@teddylaws

honestly, I’m not surprised.

In theory, I’d say Lana? But we all know she smells like a honeypot in reality.

@lanajvmeson

Honestly, I was born to answer this question. 

kelly hyland - @zekevd (x)

christi lukasiak -  @leofcwler (x)

jill vertes - @lanajvmeson (x)

melissa gisoni - @brvdleymilligan (x)

holly frazier - @dckotas (x)

The ones on that little commune that sing Kumbaya and don’t steal people’s popular tweets.

Do I look like a fucking magician? 

Cain, considering he’s done it before. Gunner, because it runs in the family. Felix, because he’s probably a fucking murderer.

@cainov, @gunnerpaxton, @felixneal