☽heretic☾

Young people don’t get to dream like they used to. They don’t dream anymore, they grief all that won’t be anymore and that’s just so fucking sad. 

I’m old enough to be starting on my Future Goals and Life Plans now, old enough to have these idealistic goals of a future, but I’m young enough to have worked in the terror and reality of the world into them. I can’t study abroad anywhere I dream, I can’t go to just any good American university. I am pressured to study/focus my research projects on social justice issues. It many ways I am safer as an obviously queer person because there are others like me out and proud, but at the same time I become a target in an environment that doesn’t even discourage terroristic attacks and mass shootings. I feel the existential guilt of not going into a hard STEM field to help “save the planet”. I grew up excited to Reduce Reuse and Recycle! and now I realize that didn’t even matter because big corporations will do more damage in a minute than any amount of recycling my water bottles will work to undo.

Orpheus and Eurydice in the Underworld (detail) by Pieter Fris, 1652.

William Rimmer (1816-1879), Evening, The Fall of Day - 1869-70

Gay pulp prints here

Blinding light. 2019. Artwork by Quentin Deronzier

— Unknown