righteous babe!

pairing: peter parker x reader

w/c: 5.4k

summary: you've been observing your neighbor peter ever since he moved in 4 years ago. hes quiet. smart. painfully nice. oh and hes also spiderman- not that you were going to let on that you knew. not until the noises of a man in pain next door got too much for you to ignore.

warnings/tags: porn w some plot, brand new day era peter!, spoilers equivalent to watching the trailer, smut (oral f receiving, being tied webbed up, rough sex, very much dom! mean! peter, multiple orgasms, squirting, bruising, aftercare) neighbors to something

a/n: zendaya pls dont fight me for this

masterlist // join the taglist

You were stretched out on the couch in a pair of old shorts and a hoodie that you couldn't remember where it'd came from. The TV murmured some mindless afternoon show you weren’t really watching. Outside, Queens hummed its usual Sunday quiet—distant traffic, a dog barking two streets over, the low thrum of the city that never fully slept.

Then the noise hit.

A sharp, wet crack followed by something heavy slamming into a wall hard enough to rattle the shared plaster between your apartments. Glass shattered. A low, guttural sound that didn’t belong to any human throat bled through the wall, half-growl, half-pain.

You were on your feet before the last echo died.

ellie, who's been acting for over a decade. all she ever seems to book are serious indie films where somebody is grieving or dying... or both. critics adore her and she's been nominated for a few major awards, yet she still isn’t a household name. still hasn't had the role that makes people outside the industry know her name.

despite all the acclaim, studios still see her as the safe choice for another heartbreaking drama, or another heartbreakingly tragic lesbian.

so, ellie is tired. not because she hates those films, but because she knows she can do more. she wants the freedom to pick the projects she actually loves instead of constantly having to prove herself all over again.

so when a major studio comes knocking with a darkly funny and well written romantic comedy drama from an acclaimed director known for pushing boundaries, a fat paycheck, and a script she actually enjoys...

yeah, she'll fucking take it.

opposite her is reader, who became famous through disney-esque movies and coming of age films. every interview calls her "hollywood's sweetheart." everyone loves her because she's charming and sweet, just and edlessly likeable girl. but behind all that, she's also a phenomenal actress, and she's desperate for people to finally take her seriously.

she spent years playing sunshine girls on family movies and holiday films. she loves those films, and they'll always have a place in her heart. but she's twenty four now and she's tired of every script looking exactly the same.

every time she auditions for something riskier, darker, more emotionally demanding, nobody can picture her in it... until one director takes a chance on her. the script lands on her desk; a young woman who's reckless, messy, and deeply flawed. a character who makes terrible decisions and still somehow earns your love.

suddenly every entertainment magazine is dissecting her.

"can she keep up with an emmy nominee?"

"it's too much of a departure, she'll alienate her audience."

"is she actually a good actress or just popular?"

her team practically begs her to turn it down and everyone around her tells her it is too risky, but she does it anyway.

she'd rather fail trying to become the actress she wants to be than spend another ten years playing the same girl over and over again.

Chapter Four - Heart-Shaped Box

WC: 3.3k

At first, you spent the days replaying the conversation with Ellie over and over in your head - each time remembering a new detail. You searched for answers in your memory - any answer as to why she was being so cold, why she could barely look you in the eye, how she so easily could say those things to you, and not say the words you so desperately wanted to hear. It was pathetic how much you thought about it, to be honest. But it was all you had left. The good memories shifted to the back burner, and the bad ones prevailed at the forefront.

The days shifted to weeks as fall bled into winter. The leaves decayed on the ground as thick layers of snow piled over them, burying them until spring, when they would be uncovered by the creeping sun in a head of mud. 

You hated winter. Absolutely despised it. The cold, the snow, the gray cast over the sky - you dreaded every time it came around. And in Jackson, winter lasted forever. It felt like it would be years until you saw the sun again, until you could feel the warmth of the sun on your skin.

You sank into that hatred. You welcomed it like you welcomed every depressive thought you had. You had become someone you didn't even recognize, and you hated yourself for it. You didn't realize how much power Ellie had over you no longer had the ability to be hypnotized by it. 

You spent your days finishing out your obligations, like whichever duty you were assigned to or household chores, and then sank back into the comfort of your depression - wrapping yourself up in your comforter, drinking the liquor you were saving for a special time you never designated, and smoking weed that Dina would drop off for you.

You tried to journal to help express your emotions, but you found it redundant. The thoughts were already in your head, and writing them down didn't seem to help. Plus, the pages were littered with Ellie's name, and seeing it written down made it all seem more real, even though it was real enough in your head.

While you were content, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets on your bed watching the snowfall on your window, you heard a knock on your door.

"Fucking shit," you grumbled to yourself as you tried to untangle yourself from the web you had created in your bed, stumbling when a blanket trapped your foot and you stumbled. You kept one blanket wrapped around you as you moped to the door, not bothering to fix your appearance, and opened the door with a creak

"Hey Dina," you rasped as you cocked your head at her, signaling for her to come inside

"Got your weed," she said as she pulled out a mason jar containing a couple of joints and waved it around

"Thanks, you can put them wherever," you mumbled as you started back towards your room

"Wait - wanna hang out for a little?" she asked with cautious eyes, like she was walking on eggshells around you

"Sure" you shrugged as you redirected yourself to the couch "What's up?"

"Listen, I'm worried about you. Jesse too," Dina admitted as the same cautious stare devoured her eyes

A wave of shame crept over you. You didn't want people to feel worried about you. You felt guilty.

"Please, don't worry about me. I'll be fine," you tried to assure, but your tone gave you away

"Look, I have no idea why Ellie did what she did - Jesse and I cornered her, and she got super evasive - and I know it fucking sucks, but babe, do you think there's another reason you're feeling so sad about it?" Dina rambled.

"Another reason? What do you mean?" you said with a hint of a scoff and a laugh that came out more bitter than you wanted

"I mean - do you think you maybe like her as more than a friend?" she whispered out, like it was a secret

"What? No, no," you exclaimed as you perked up in your seat and shook your head. "I'm sad because my best friend fucking ditched me out of nowhere and for no fucking reason!"

"Okay, okay. I was just checking"

"Does it seem like I do?" you pressed. "Did Ellie think I did?"

"No - I mean she never said anything or made it seem like that. I just - the way you talk about her. You talk about her like you love her. In more than a friend way"

You buried your head in your hands and rubbed your eyes with your palms, accepting the reality that yeah, maybe your fantasies about her meant something. "I don't know. Fuck. Maybe I do"

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Dina cooed as she placed a supportive hand on your shoulder

"I mean, this past year I'd find myself thinking about her more often and in ways I hadn't really before. But then the more I think about it, I feel like I always had those thoughts and just pushed them away or ignored them"

"Oh, babe," Dina said as her eyebrows furrowed together, "it's okay"

She pulled you in for a hug, which you graciously accepted. You cried into her shoulder for a brief minute before composing yourself and pulling away with a sniffle.

"Do you see her a lot?" you asked with curiosity

"Not really," Dina shrugged "Every now and then, but you know how she is with Kat"

You winced at the sound of the girl's name.

"Shit sorry," Dina quickly offered

" 's fine" you chuckled, trying to ease her

"Anyways, wanna hear my plan?" Dina exclaimed, switching back into her usual chipper tone

"Hit me with it"

"We smoke a shit ton of this weed, eat all the food in your kitchen, and then - well, I didn't think that far, but we'll figure it out"

You laughed. The first real laugh you'd had in a while. "Fucking perfect"

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It took you some time to really pinpoint what you felt. But after your talk with Dina, you couldn't willfully ignore your feelings. Each day it grew stronger. Each passing second left you more convinced. For the longest time, you thought you and Ellie's friendship left you feeling how a normal friendship would. But the more you thought about it, nothing about your feelings was normal. The sweaty palms you got when she would play the guitar for you. The blush that flushed your cheeks when her t-shirt rode up to expose her midriff when you were relaxing on the couch. The longing for her when you were alone in bed, craving to be touched. Yeah, friends don't feel that for each other. But, even with this newfound self-discovery, there wasn't much you could do with it. Sure, you figured yourself out and did some psychoanalyzing, but what did it matter now? Love her from afar when she wants nothing to do with you, and has a shitty girlfriend? No. 

You knew the more time you spent reeling alone in your house, the worse it would get. But also, the idea of heading into town and running into her scared you even more. Jackson was a fucking bubble - there was really no way out that wasn't putting yourself at risk of getting killed while looking for the next homestead. But there was a little loophole.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Hi Maria," you chirped as you sat down across from the blonde woman

"Someone's looking better," she smiled softly, a rarity for her. "Now, what did you wanna talk about?"

"I want to do your supply runs to the medical facility," you said in full confidence

"Wow, really? You know that's a hefty patrol. You'd be gone for weeks in this cold"

"I know. I want to do it," you nodded affirmingly

"Well, hell. Alright then. I'll pair you with one of our med supply veterans, have them show you the ropes. Next run is scheduled for..." she paused as she pulled out her planner, "Oh. Tomorrow. Is that too soon for you?"

"Nope! I'll be ready. Thanks, Maria" you exclaimed a little too excitedly before standing up and excusing yourself.

You spent the rest of the day packing your gear and enough winter clothes and food to fill up the rest of your bag. After that was all said and done, you stopped by Dina's to let her know you'd be gone for the coming weeks - she gave you a couple joints and a plastic bottle of alcohol to 'warm you up' on your journey. Jesse was there too, and he had let you know that you'd be paired with Peter - some forty-year-old war veteran who'd done the trip a hundred times, or some shit. 

When you got home that night and got relaxed in bed, for the first time in a while your mind wasn't preoccupied with the ramblings of rumination. You had something else to focus on for once, and something that not only would take up time and space in your mind, but get you away for a while, just like you needed.

Bright and early, you met Peter and Maria at the gate, who ran down the basics for you. Peter was nice enough, but he was still a middle-aged man that you'd no doubt have to get used to a little.

The first week of your journey was spent traveling, stopping in between at outposts that Peter had set up over the years and outfitted to accommodate sleeping, eating, and bathing - the necessities.

A blizzard delayed your travels for a couple of days, being forced to stay in an old cabin to ride out the storm. After it finally passed, you and Peter started for the west again, repeating the days of traveling through thick snow that clung to your skin and hair, and then freezing in an old cabin at night.

While the route was pretty quiet due to the routine traffic from the runs, there were still a few stray infected here and there that you and Peter cleared with ease.

After about two weeks, you had reached the medical supply center. It was an old, dilapidated warehouse that Peter told you used to be a storage center for some medical company. It was like a candy store for doctors inside and a hidden secret of sorts somehow. Magically, the warehouse still had a good amount of shit inside - you managed to scrounge up a decent amount of metal medical tools that looked like medieval torture devices and enough items to fill out some first aid kits. Peter focused on the meds, grabbing what he knew the town was low on.

After getting all the supplies you could carry, you headed back. Once you started trotting with Rainbow back in the direction of Jackson, you felt your chest tighten, and your breath quicken - a feeling that only got worse the closer you got. While your mind was clear on your journey out, the way back was completely different.

You fixated on coming back to Ellie's silence. You missed when you would come back home and Ellie would already be there, without even having the thought to ask. You missed the warm embrace she would give you after you went on long, overnight patrols. You missed the way she teased you about how beat up you looked or how smelly you were. You missed her, all of her. You would even settle for a verbal beatdown from her at this point so at least you could hear her voice.

No matter how hard you tried, for the rest of your journey, she was all you could focus on. A small part of you held out hope that she would be there at the gates welcoming you back after realizing what an asshole she'd been. You held out that hope until you walked through the town gate - you closed your eyes as Shimmered trotted in, not wanting to have your hope crushed until absolutely necessary.

You finally opened your eyes when you heard Maria shouting your name. You got pulled out of your trance and blinked to adjust to your surroundings. You peered around, turning over your shoulder and then back again, to see if you saw even a glimpse of auburn hair or freckled cheeks.

Your heart sank, and you felt a pit in your stomach when you realized your hope was just that -mere wishful thinking.

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After a good night's rest and a real, hot shower, you started to get back in your normal groove - well, minus the depressive shit. You didn't want to be held back by yourself anymore, or keep giving yourself over to the power Ellie had on you, so you decided to ignore it. At least, that's what you were telling yourself and trying to do.

You found yourself standing outside the doors of the Tipsy Bison, preparing yourself with a deep breath before walking in. Earlier in the day, when Dina stopped by to welcome you back, you and her created a plan to meet up here late to drink and properly catch up.

"You'll be fine" you whispered to yourself as you pushed the doors open. Immediately, your senses were bombarded with the light emanating from the string lights hung on the ceiling, the sounds of folk music infiltrating your eardrums, and the overwhelming smell of whiskey filling your nostrils.

You noticed Dina and Jesse sitting at the bar with their drinks in front of them, and one already waiting for you.

"Hi" you squeaked as you sauntered over to the pair

"Look who didn't die!" Jesse teased as he welcomed you with a hug

"Oh, shut up Jesse," Dina grumbled playfully as she pushed him aside to hug you

"But for real, so glad you didn't die," Dina added

"Honestly wasn't much chance for it; it was eerily calm," you explained as you took a seat and sipped on your drink 

"See, it's the elements you gotta watch out for. That cold will kill you're not careful," Jesse quipped, causing you and Dina to erupt in laughter

"Oh my god, you are such a nerd. I missed you," you cooed as you placed a friendly hand on Jesse's shoulder

" We missed you too," Jesse returned

"So how are you feeling about...being back?" Dina asked cautiously, treading carefully around the sore subject

"You know, I'm okay," you said half convincingly, "or telling myself that I am at least. Faking it till I make it or whatever," you admitted with a giggle

"I think that deserves a drink!" Dina exclaimed as she held up her glass and clinked it with yours

Jesse, Dina, and you continued to catch up over your drinks, which turned into a couple glasses of whiskey. You learned that, surprisingly, a lot happened when you were away - Dina and Jesse moved in with each other, Tommy killed a massive bloater just outside of town, "Ellie and Kat broke up"

"What?" you questioned, the words echoing in your head like you were trying to listen underwater

"Ellie and Kat broke up, bout two weeks ago," Dina repeated, this time her voice coming in more clear

"Jesus, why didn't you lead with that?" you teased "I mean not that it's surprising, but"

"Didn't wanna jump right into Ellie talk you know," Dina chuckled as she swirled her glass

"Speak of Ellie" Jesse trailed. You peered over to him with furrowed brows and followed his gaze which pointed to the doors of the bar. Right at the entrance stood Ellie, stuck in her place and her eyes wandering, searching for something.

"Did you tell her I would be here?" you whispered over to Dina

"No, I swear," she hummed back as she crossed her heart

You centered your focus on the amber liquid in your glass, suddenly finding it fascinating - you didn't want to give her the pleasure of knowing you were looking at her. 

"She's coming over," Dina muttered under her breath to you as a warning. 

You felt ill. Clammy and shaky, like you could pass out on the spot. 

"Hey Ellie" Jesse was the first to speak

"Yeah, hey, how's it going?" Ellie muttered quickly, like she was just trying to be polite but didn't actually care

You still didn't dare look up - no, you were still preoccupied with your drink. Taking a sip and putting it back down just to look at it again. 

"y/n" Ellie spoke out. "Can we talk?"

Fuckkkkk. 

A deep sigh left your lips as you raised your head to look at her. This was the first time you had seen her since Halloween. And she looked, well, bad to say the least - not far off from how you looked. Her eyes drooped with dark circles, her skin was dull and not just from the lack of sun, and her lips were posed in a permanent frown. 

Ideally, you wanted more time to prepare before interacting with her. You flipped between giving her the benefit of the doubt and hearing her out, or treating her like she did to you and giving the silent treatment. 

"Yeah, whatever," you mumbled as you finished off the last of your drink and slammed it down on the counter. 

You followed Ellie to two open chairs at the opposite end of the bar, away from everyone. 

"Another please," you said to the bartender, who quickly nodded and handed you another glass of whiskey. 

"I uh, went to your house a couple weeks ago. Dina told me you were doing the med run" Ellie murmured

"Mhm" you hummed. You felt awkward - an awkwardness you had never felt in front of Ellie before. Like you didn't know how to talk to her.  "Why'd you go to my house?" 

"To talk to you" she choked out as she averted her eyes from you 

You let out a cold, bitter laugh. "Was that before or after you broke up with Kat?"

"What does that matter?" she scoffed with a dry laugh

"Because then you would just be doing what you've always done. Push me away when you're with Kat and then when you inevitably break up, you show up and remember I exist" 

"It's not like that," Ellie quickly quipped as she nervously smiled

"Oh no, it's exactly like that," you spoke, raising your voice "and I'm fucking sick of you acting like it's not a big deal"

"I don't know what you want me to say," she said, matching your raised voice 

"I want to know why," you started, "why you shut me out like that. Why you won't be around me. I deserve to know that"

She let her head droop over into her chest before placing her forehead in her palm "I can't tell you"

You scoffed bitterly, "Hmf, figures. You know talks like these usually go better when you actually fucking say something," you spat out as you downed the rest of your drink and pushed the stool out from beneath yourself to get up "Get over yourself, Ellie. You're a pussy"

You had never talked to anyone like that before, let alone Ellie. Part of you wanted to go back and take your words back, but it was the truth. You glanced over to Dina and Jesse on your way out of the bar and saw Jesse with his shoulders tense and Dina giving you a nervous smile and a small thumbs up. You didn't even bother to look back at Ellie. 

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Taglist:

@littlelittlebear

@ninastayswoke

@chaalatte

@lsuki

゛synopsis ⸝⸝.ᐟ⋆ RUGBY PLAYER!VI X COACH'S DAUGHTER HEADCANONS + SNIPPETS ── .✦ COLLEGE SETTING // many students return home or go to their dorms after classes end, but not you. you're the coach's daughter, and that means having to wait for his practices to be over to finally get home and rest your feet. it's not so bad, honestly, not when you get to see and hear sweaty women crash against each other and fight for a win. your favorite isn't just a player on the field, though, and your father's made it pretty crystal clear not to so much as breathe in vi's direction.

but who's to say he has to know?

ᝰ.ᐟ tags; headcanons + snippets, college / modern setting, forbidden relationships, fingering, locker room sex, teasing, sexting, oral sex (r!receiving), player!vi, tribbing, breast/nipple play

© 𝐛𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐮 ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 & 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝! 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐬 ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ 𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐬; 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐯𝐜𝐡𝐤𝐚 𝐨𝐧 𝐱

⌗ list ; @pathosprit , @scardreams, @catsarebetterthanhumansworld

rugby player!vi who your father explicitly tells to stay away from you. he might not go to the parties the students attend, but he’s no idiot, and he’s had the unfortunate luck to stumble into the locker rooms to lock the place up and find vi with her hand up a cheerleader’s skirt. she’s a player in and out of the field, and everybody knows it.

rugby player!vi who totally ignores what her coach says. she listens to him regarding moves and plays, not her love life. she finds you cute— always seated at the bleachers, reading and finishing your little notes. when she catches you looking, she likes to make a show of wiping the sweat off her forehead with her jersey to expose those ridiculous abs of hers.

“you know,” vi drawls as she leans her side against the fence. she’s drenched in sweat, but cares not for wiping it off her face. “you’re the first who’s stayed and watched me for five consecutive days. i think you’ve got a crush on me.”

“keep dreaming, vi,” you scoff, pointing a thumb your father’s way. “i’ve got no choice but to be here, and you’ll be benched if you keep talking to me.”

“worth the shot,” she shrugs. vi reaches over, snatching your pen and notebook to scribble down on it. her handwriting’s surprisingly neat once she hands it back, but there’s nothing but a series of numbers and a little heart. “text me, yeah? don’t wanna risk my neck every time i talk to you in public.”

such cockiness. yet, you save her number into your contacts.

Chapter Three: Wish You Were Here

WC: 5.2k

________________________________________________________________

You hadn't seen Ellie since your patrol together. Usually, you wouldn't think much of not seeing her for such a short period of time. That was the norm during the summer - you would go weeks without hearing from her when she was with Kat. But your mind couldn't help but wonder. Despite your anxieties about her absence, you figured she was either with Kat or just tired from patrol - Maria had assigned your patrols to her, so she was patrolling about every day in your absence.

Meanwhile, you were stuck at home. Alone and ruminating. You begged Maria to let you do any assignment. You even offered to do barn duty and clean up after the horses. But she insisted that you rest. So, here you were alone at home and ruminating all while your leg felt totally fine.

But one thought that kept you going was the promise of Friday. The thought of getting one night to return to normal and not have any obligation other than laughing at Ellie's shitty jokes got you through the mundane days of walking around your house like a ghost. 

On Friday afternoon, you took a nice, long shower and put more attention into your looks than you usually would. You don't really know why, but I guess you just wanted to feel pretty.

You changed into some grey sweatpants, a tank top, and a zip-up hoodie to protect yourself from the chill of the night on your walk over to Ellie's (part of your tradition was alternating houses every week, and this week was Ellie's turn)

After packing away the blanket Ellie had left last week, a VHS of Poltergeist, and a couple of snacks into your bag, you were on your way over to the detached garage Ellie called home.

The walk wasn't too far. A nice perk of your little community was that you could get anywhere in a couple of minutes. You took your time on the walk, letting yourself look at the decorations people put out for the fall, even if you were in a rush to get to Ellie's and enjoy her company.

You waltzed up to her door and knocked lightly once before letting yourself in, as you usually do.

"Hey Els"

"Oh shit, hey" Ellie giggled as she sat up in bed, untethering herself from the grasp of Kat, who was practically pulling her back down into the bed

"Oh sorry - am I early?" you questioned, even though you knew it was later than the time you both had long established

"Early for what, babe?" Kat questioned Ellie as she raked her fingernails across Ellie's freckled skin.

"Uh, fuck I'm sorry, you're not early. I totally spaced," Ellie giggled out as she swatted Kat's hand away playfully, really not paying any attention to you. "Can we raincheck? Tomorrow after patrol?"

Are you fucking kidding?

"Yeah, sure" you sighed out, trying your best to put up a content front - like this didn't crush you.

"Cool" she rasped. "See you tomorrow." After she uttered those words, it was like you were a ghost in her doorway. Her full attention was on Kat. You'd be lying if you said none of this bothered you. No, you were actually pissed. Never once had you rescheduled your Friday movie nights - not even in the past when she was seeing Kat during the fall. What really broke you, though, was her lack of care - not only did she not see you when you were home-ridden and injured, she didn't even bother to ask how you were.

Getting the hint that somehow you were now intruding, you walked your ass out of there and closed the door.

You tried to put off the tears welling in your eyes, not really wanting to cry over this. It's not like it was a huge deal - plans change, you get it. But something about this felt devastating. Like you were an afterthought, completely forgotten.

When you got back to your house, you decided you wouldn't spend the night you were looking forward to crying over changed plans or wallowing in self-pity. So, you quickly dropped off your stuff and headed right back out to Jesse's house.

After a fast-paced walk, you were knocking on his door.

"You free?" you questioned quickly as he opened the door

"Yeah, Dina and I are just chilling. Come in," he said as he gestured you inside.

"Aren't you and Ellie doing movie night?" Dina questioned as you joined her on the couch. Dina even remembered and it's not her fucking tradition.

"Hmf, supposed to be" you scoffed as you took the joint that Dina so graciously pulled out and explained it all to them.

"I've never really liked Kat" Jesse admitted following your explanation "Something about her. I don't know"

"Oh, we know," Dina added, "but it's not all her fault. Ellie's the one letting her take over her life. 's not like this is the first time it's happened." she shrugged as she ashed the joint into the tray filled with gray dust.

"I can try and talk to her," Jesse offered politely, being as helpful and kind as always

"God no, you don't have to do that," you refused "It'll be like before. They'll fizzle out, and everything will be back to normal," you said, trying to convince yourself of your words.

"Well, the least I can do is give Kat shitty patrol routes" Jesse laughed as he inhaled the joint

"You already do that," Dina chimed in with a laugh, which made Jesse and you laugh as well.

"I'm scheduled for patrol with Ellie tomorrow anyways," you added when the laughter fizzled out, remembering you were finally cleared to resume your normal duties as soon as dawn hit

When the joint disappeared and the conversation died out, you decided it would be best to head back home to get a good night's sleep before getting back on your feet tomorrow. 

................... ................... ................... ...................

"What?" you murmured in confusion to Jesse as he pulled you to the side of the gate that guarded Jackson.

"I'm sorry man, I don't know much. She just told Maria she can't do patrol anymore. At least for a little while," Jesse explained

"Is she hurt or something?" You inquired, suddenly worried about Ellie

"No, I don't think so" he said with a shake of his head. "She probably just needs a break from it or something"

"Weird" you scoffed "She fucking loves patrol"

"Well, you'll see her tonight, right? Maybe she'll tell you more than she told Maria." Jesse shrugged as he mounted his horse

"Yeah, yeah" you concluded as you tried to shake the worry from your head

"Now, come on" Jesse urged as he cocked his head to the side. "Woods ain't gonna clear themselves"

"Christ, I forgot how much of a stickler you are on patrol," you huffed as you mounted Rainbow and followed Jesse. You loved Jesse; he was one of your closest friends. But on patrol, Mr. Fucking Jackson Wyoming could be a little too strict. It was nothing like it was with Ellie.

................... ................... ................... ...................

Luckily, patrol was quick and easy - Jesse made sure to do an easy route, even though you told him he didn't have to "baby" you. But it was better, quite frankly, because you were honestly pretty distracted. You couldn't get your mind to stop thinking about Ellie's sudden lack of interest in patrol. When she was younger, all she would do is beg Joel and Tommy to put her on the schedule. She would even sneak out sometimes and tag along with other groups when she wasn't cleared and had to be ushered home. Never in a million years would she willingly stop.

When you got back to your house, you didn't waste a second before showering and getting ready to go over to Ellie's. Once again, you brought her blanket and the VHS tape in hand and marched over to her house. Given the walk was short, you didn't have much time to get in your head about everything. The only thing on your mind was getting to see your best friend and making sure she was okay.

You freed up one hand and brought it to knock on her garage door. Hearing no response or shuffle from inside, you went for the doorknob. Locked.

Sure, you were a little early, but only by ten minutes. You thought maybe she was in the main house with Joel, so you went and tried that door instead - knocking and waiting.

After a couple of seconds, you heard Joel's grumbly voice echo, "One second"

Joel opened the door to you with a welcoming smile. "Well, hi there, little miss"

"Hi Joel, how are you?" you asked, genuinely, taking note of the grey hairs peeking through his beard and wrinkles around his eyes.

"Oh, you know, trying to ignore the creaks in my old bones and whatnot," he said with a burly laugh

"You're not old!"

"You're kind, but you're a liar," he laughed warmly. "Now what brings you over here?"

"I just thought maybe Ellie was inside? She wasn't in her room," you explained

"Oh, she ain't here - she went over to some girl's house. What's her name? It's like an animal or something," he said, searching for the girl's name

"Kat," you said bluntly

"Yeah, Kat, that's it" he nodded. "Did y'all have plans or something?" he asked as he noted the items you were holding

"No, I was just dropping these off," you lied, not really wanting to explain how you had been ditched by Ellie.

"Oh well, I can take them off your hands"

You handed over the blanket and tape to Joel, and politely refused his offer to stay for a cup of tea. Instead, you turned on your heels and headed in the direction of your house.

About halfway home, you caught sight of Ellie and Kat walking hand in hand. You were far enough away that you couldn't make anything out too clearly, but enough to see Kat swat away Ellie's hand before breaking apart fully, each going a different direction - Ellie towards you and Kat back towards her house. 

You caught Ellie's gaze as you got closer to her, giving her a nod of the head

"Hey" Ellie called out as she jogged over to you, closing the distance

"Hi" you said back shyly, suddenly feeling a rush of nervousness in her presence

"My house is in the other direction, you know," she teased with a shaky smile

"Yeah, I was just there. Your door was locked, and Joel said you were out, so I just figured..." you trailed off, hoping she would get the hint without you having to say you thought she ditched you. 

"Shit, sorry. I uh - " she started, but you cut her off

"'s fine, really" you said. You really didn't feel like hearing how she got swept away by Kat "We can rain check again if you wanna go back to Kat's"

"No, no," she refuted as she held up her arms defensively. "She's mad at me anyway right now"

"Oh?" your voice rang out in an octave higher than it usually is. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, nothing to worry about," she said, brushing the question off. "Now let's go" 

Not wanting to press anymore, you accepted her vague answer and figured she would talk about it later if she wanted to. 

Back at her house, you and Ellie sat on her beaten-up sofa as she clicked through the menu screen of the Poltergeist, flicking between the unrated and rated version - eventually landing on the unrated. 

"Unrated?" you questioned with a raised eyebrow. "I'm gonna have nightmares for a week"

"It'll be good, I promise," she cooed. "I'm here if you get too scared," she shyly murmured

A warm smile crept up your face at her comfort. Despite the anxieties that plagued you when you were apart and left wondering, when you were together with Ellie, they melted away. When she was with you, it was like nothing else existed except the two of you. 

Halfway through the movie, after scare after scare, you realized you were the closest you had ever been to Ellie, not counting the times you woke up cuddling her after a sleepover. Your head rested on her shoulder as your hand clutched her arm and your thighs were pressed together. Your heart raced, and you were sure it would still be racing even if you weren't scared half to death. 

You tried to control your ragged breathing and ignore the feeling of her skin on your fingertips. You tried to stay as still as possible. You tried to ignore the urge to drape your leg over hers to get closer. You didn't want to abruptly get up, but you also felt like you were crossing another line of your friendship if you stayed in your position. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

"You okay?" Ellie giggled as she turned her head to look at you

"Yeah, yeah," you assured as you peeled yourself away from her reluctantly. "This movie is just scary as shit" 

"We can turn it off, then," Ellie posed as she hit the pause button. "Scaredy cat"

"Shut up," you rasped as you hit her with one of the throw pillows she had on her couch

"Oh, that's how it is?" she laughed with a grin

Ellie grabbed the pillow from your hands and hit you back with it square in the head, and then tried to hit you again, but instead hit the mugs of tea you had on the coffee table. The lukewarm liquid splashed over both of you. Ellie's jeans were covered in chamomile tea while your shirt clung to your body from the spilled liquid. 

Both of you erupted into laughter at the events, doubling over and clutching your stomachs. 

"Shit" Ellie choked out, trying to catch her breath while still laughing 

"I'm gonna get you back for that, you know?" you teased as you tossed the pillow across the room

"Yeah? How?" she pressed, turning her body towards you, her eyes suddenly filled with a darkness you hadn't seen before. You'd be lying if you said your stomach wasn't in fucking knots at the sight

"Like I'm gonna tell you," you said, shifting in your seat and averting your eyes to the ground "gotta keep the element of surprise"

"Whatever," she chuckled as she rubbed the back of her neck. "lemme get you some new clothes," she offered as she got up and sauntered over to her closet. 

You watched as she pulled out two sets of t-shirts and boxers. She threw one set over to you and placed the other set on the bed. You examined the clothes in your hands. A scroungy old band t-shirt she had gotten on patrol a while back. You had secretly always wanted to steal it from her, or have her give it to you. 

You had changed in front of Ellie before. Countless times. But for some reason, right now, it felt different. Before, when you caught glances of her taut back muscles, you chalked the staring up to a normal curiosity. But you couldn't ignore now the immense craving you had to stare at every indent of her skin and every freckle that littered the surface. 

Not giving yourself the chance to indulge in whatever weird fucking desires your head was conjuring up, you turned away from her and faced the wall. You slipped off your tea-stained shirt and jeans, and pulled the fresh shirt over your head before stepping into the boxers. When you turned back around, Ellie was already dressed, and her eyes were trained on you. That was until she quickly averted her gaze and started meticulously folding her clothes, which was out of the norm for the girl who stuffs her dirty clothes into the edge of her closet. 

"Uhm, better?" Ellie asked as she cleared her throat and threw her folded clothes into the dirty pile in her closet. 

"Yeah, thanks," you smiled as you shifted the weight between your two feet, suddenly feeling nervous. You decided that your nervousness would be less apparent if you were sitting down, so you opted to take a seat on Ellie's bed. 

"Jesse told me you're stopping patrols," you blurted out all of a sudden

"Uhm...yeah," Ellie responded carefully as she sat down on the opposite side of the bed

"Why?" you pressed as you grew more comfortable, turning your body to face her. "You love patrolling"

"Just not loving it so much anymore," she shrugged as she placed her hands behind her head as she laid down

"You're a shitty liar," you said with a cold laugh. "Come on, it's me - you can tell me," you said as you playfully nudged her arm

"Not lying," she repeated as she cast her eyes up to the ceiling

"Well, whenever you wanna talk about it, I'm all ears," you assured.

Ellie and you fell into a comfortable silence, until an idea popped in your head. 

 "Oh, wait!" you exclaimed as you jumped off the bed and pranced over to the jeans you were previously wearing that were now sitting on the floor. You dug into the pocket and pulled out your Walkman, which already had the Radiohead tape in it you got on patrol last week. 

"We never got to listen to this," you said as you held up the music player, to which she nodded to and smiled. 

You nuzzled back into bed next to Ellie and handed her one of the wired earbuds, placing the other earbud in your ear. 

You pressed play and let the music overwhelm your senses, taking in the moment. You closed your eyes, letting the sounds lull you to sleep. 

Ellie, on the other hand, and unbeknownst to you, was wide awake and utterly incapable of sleeping. While she listened to the music, she watched as you slept and shed a tear. She knew what she had to do would kill you - she just wanted you to have one last good memory with her. 

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When you woke up, you were hoping you had gotten up early enough to experience the warmth of Ellie pressed against you to fill that longing in yourself you still couldn't pinpoint. But, instead, you woke up to a cold and empty bed. When your eyes adjusted to the light, you peered around her room, searching for any sign of her. None. 

You made up her bed and picked up your clothes, examining each surface to see if she left behind a note. Not finding a single etching from her, you left, but not before stealing a hoodie from her closet and throwing it on. 

After dropping your things off at home and changing, you headed out to the coffee shop to grab a coffee to ease the dull ache you felt in your bones that came with mornings. You sipped on your black coffee as you sat at a table outside, watching as the world passed by. People watching was a hobby you had taken up in the past years. Something about watching people do the mundane tasks made you feel a sense of normalcy and helped you, even if just for a second, ignore the state of the world you were living in. 

Once you decided your level of people watching had teetered on the edge of staring and stalking, you called it quits. 

Unsure what to do with the rest of your day, you decided to just go home and figure it out from there, figuring an idea would come to you or someone would make plans, which was usually the case. If you weren't scheduled for duty, there was only so much to do in Jackson. Bordeom was a perpetual disease in town. 

Luckily, the rest of your week alternated between patrol and guard duty, filling your days and nights. Given Ellie had stopped patrols, you hadn't seen her since your last movie night. And as Fall was coming to an end as Halloween approached, your movie nights were numbered. You grew anxious at the thought of not having set plans with Ellie - the tradition was assurance that you would get to see her. Without them, and with Kat back in the picture, you weren't sure if you would see her at all, especially with how things were going now. 

But all those worries went away on Friday. They were pushed aside until the next day when you had all the time in the world to ruminate. As always, you set up your TV, snacks, and blanket and awaited your bestfriend's arrival. A part of you was embarrassed of how excited you were to see her walk through the door. Like a pet anxiously waiting for their owner's arrival. But you couldn't help it.  

Your excitement gradually dissipated as you watched the hands on the clock tick by and the moonlight shine brighter through your window. Ellie's track record this fall wasn't perfect, but she had shown up every time. Every time except for now. You finally figured she wasn't coming when you felt your leg go numb underneath you for not having moved in an embarrassingly long amount of time. 

"Fucking idiot," you cursed at yourself, feeling a deep sense of embarrassment for how upset you were for her abandonment. 

You racked your mind, trying to pinpoint any reason for her not coming. Kat, was the obvious one. But the deep parts of your brain thought that maybe you did something you weren't aware of. Or maybe you figured she was just over the tradition. Or you. 

Those thoughts became amplified as more time went on. Days went by without a word from her. And when each Friday came, the same fate ensued. 

You couldn't understand why Ellie was avoiding you. You didn't do anything wrong. At least, there was nothing you could think of. In the blink of an eye, while she was the center of your world and your best friend, you weren't hers. Or that's what it seemed like to you. You thought of confronting her; you even tried one night when you couldn't stop crying, but that wasn't like you. You couldn't decide what fate was worse - her blatantly ignoring your existence or hearing the words come out of her mouth about why she was avoiding you. 

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Halloween had finally crept up - the final close of fall. Your plans consisted of staying home with the lights off and lighting up a joint until you inevitably fell asleep on the couch with your hand buried in a bag of candy. But, when you told Dina of those plans, she was not having it. 

"That is the saddest thing I have ever heard," Dina said point blank with her jaw slack

"Yeah, well I'm sad!" you bit back as you sprawled out on your bed dramatically

"You can be sad and not hole up in your house. You've been isolating for weeks," she quipped. She wasn't wrong. 

"I really don't see a problem with becoming a hermit," you said back in all seriousness. 

"No. No! Get your ass up" Dina urged as she physically pulled you out of bed, causing you to groan overdramatically. "it's Halloween, I'm throwing a party, and you're coming"

"But Dina" you huffed out, dragging the last syllable of her name

"No buts!"

"Ellie's gonna be there," you sighed out "She obviously does not  wanna see me"

"Well, this will give you a chance to see her and figure out whatever the fuck she is doing. You haven't sought her out either, you know"

Dina had hosted her typical parties the past few weeks and practically begged you to come so you could get a chance to talk to Ellie. Each time, you had gotten ready and prepared yourself, but couldn't make it out of your front door. Your anxiety paralyzed you in a way you had never felt before. You could kill an infected without blinking an eye, but confronting Ellie? Utterly debilitating.

You felt like a coward. It was Ellie. Whatever it was, it had to be fixable. And quite frankly, you were growing tired of the ache that filled your soul without her. You wanted your best friend back. You needed answers. Luckily, Dina was hosting another one of her parties, and as always, begged you to make an appearance.

"God, fine" you reluctantly agreed "I'll come"

"Thank God"  Dina breathed out with a sigh of relief "I really did not wanna have to physically carry you over"

Dina stayed as you got ready, helping you pick out an outfit and also to ensure you actually made it out the door. You and Dina headed to hers early so you both could finish the decorations and get a head start on drinking. And drink you did. Before anyone even arrived, you were far past tipsy and bordering on the edge of blackout. 

While Dina had made her way out to the living room, you opted to stay in Dina's room in an attempt to build up enough courage to show your face to the people filtering in. Each time you heard the door open, you listened in, trying to decipher who had arrived. You felt stuck to the soft comforter beneath you on Dina's bed - your anxiety winning. One more shot couldn't hurt, right?

You grabbed the bottle Dina had given to you earlier and took a swig of the brown liquor. Without giving yourself time to think, you, and the bottle, finally stood up shakily and floated towards the voices echoing from the living room.

"There she is!" Dina yelled out as she saw you approaching

You gave her a half smile and a chuckle as you scanned the room. Jesse and Dina sat on the couch while Ellie and Kat sat smushed together in a recliner. While Jesse and Dina smiled, Kat's face was unreadable - somewhere between annoyed and indifferent. Ellie, on the other hand, didn't even look in your direction.

Even though your heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces, you didn't retreat back into Dina's room like your mind was begging you to do. Instead, your legs carried you over to the couch next to Dina and Jesse. 

You joined their conversation as best you could, but mostly just listened - the alcohol and anxiety made it hard for you to formulate any coherent sentence or response. 

While you were faced away from Ellie, you couldn't help but feel like eyes were burning a hole through the back of you. But you didn't dare turn around. 

You downed another shot from the bottle in your hand and stayed on the couch, even when Dina and Jesse got up to go prepare the Halloween-themed food - ghost marshmallows and mummies in a blanket, as Dina explained. 

While you sat alone, your best friend was only three feet away from you and failed to even utter a polite hello. It made your blood fucking boil. 

The alcohol that you consumed and the growing anger you had been harboring controlled your moves. You got up from your seat, with only a slight stumble, and marched over to Ellie. 

"Ellie?" you rang out, your voice sounding louder than you intended.

"Mm" she hummed as she looked up at you briefly, before casting her eyes back down to the joint she was rolling

"Get up" you stated without slurring your words, your pent-up emotions finally coming out

Everyone in the house hushed and focused solely on you. Like a giant fucking spotlight was on you. But you didn't care. You didn't care what you needed to do. How mean you had to be. You just needed Ellie to give you something, anything.

For a brief second, Ellie's eyes shifted. The nonchalant, careless glaze she had over her eyes disappeared when your words hit her. For a second, she looked like the Ellie you had known.

"I said get up" you repeated, keeping your eyes trained on her as you pulled her arm to get her to stand

She looked over to Kat, who gave her an approving nod, and got up. You grabbed her forearm once more and dragged her out onto Dina's front porch.

Once the door was closed behind you, you turned to face her.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Ellie asked as she released her arm from your grip

"What is my problem? Are you joking?" you began. "Where the fuck have you been, Ellie?"

She let out a forced chuckle. "Here?"

"Don't be a dick, you know what I mean. I haven't seen you in weeks," you spoke out, your voice only slightly breaking

"Oh come on, it hasn't been that long. I've gone longer without seeing you." She said, playing it off 

"Cut the bullshit, Ellie. You stopped patrolling with me. You stopped coming over. You stopped our fucking tradition - I'm not fucking blind; I know you're avoiding me," you said, punctuating each statement clearly.

"God, I'm not avoiding you, you're being dramatic." Her condescending tone and vagueness sent you over the edge.

"Why can't you give me a straight answer?" you huffed as you pleaded with her 

"Because there really isn't one," she said as she brought her hand to her neck "I just got other shit going on right now. I'm just trying to prioritize"

"You're an asshole," you said as you pushed her shoulder, making her stumble backwards "Am I not a priority to you?"

She just stood there, silent and unwavering. 

 "I miss you," you choked out through pent-up tears

Ellie's eyebrows scrunched together as she shut her eyes tight, before she brought her fingers to rub the bridge of her nose. She let out a loud sigh, but not any words. Not the "I miss you too" that you so desperately wanted to hear.

Your eyes welled up with tears at the lack of response from her.

"Ellie, I - " you started but were interrupted by the front door opening

"Everything okay out here, babe?" Kat chirped

"Yeah, we're good," she said with a hint of a sniffle as she dusted off her hands on her jeans.

"Come back in then, I miss you!" Kat's voice scratched your eardrums.

Ellie shot you one last look before shaking her hand and following Kat inside, leaving you there on the porch.

"What the fuck?" you whispered to yourself as you backed against the wall. You placed your head in your hands and sank until you hit the ground, welcoming the cold feeling beneath you.

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