LOSING MY GOT DAMNED MIND.
It's becoming INCREASINGLY apparent that not only was she abused in whatever hell hole she was rescued from....
But she was abused even within MY HOUSEHOLD.
I knew she came from an abused house when we got her. She was so scared, so terrified of EVERYTHING.
I knew it would be work to get her out of it eventually.
And bitch, I worked. Nobody, no cat, no dog, no person, no animal should EVER be abused.
She was, and I knew it. The others in the house always talked about how - "she just acts so different with you" "she just loves you" "she really is your cat"
BITCH I KNOW SHE IS. I saw her in all her abused state and really saw it. I knew what she needed I knew how to leave her be when she just didn't want it. I. KNEW. HER.
But I made the mistake of leaving her alone, when I worked out of state, with someone that was supposed to me my everything. Someone that was supposed to be safe.
I saw signs, I saw things. I didn't wanna believe it. I kept my damn mouth shut.
Now, my girl, my lovely China girl....
It's like she's relearning that I'm safe again
And it's already been almost 2 or so years since I've left that person that was absolutely supposed to be my everything, my safe place, HER safe place.
But she's... So scared sometimes. I can't hold her the way I used to. She attacks me sometimes. Hurts me sometimes. And I just keep thinking.... It isn't me. I knew she was hurt while I was gone. I know she's going through it.
HOW DO I HELP HER? My things aren't working. She doesn't trust me fully either.
And it breaks my fucking heart.
She hides a lot. She doesn't like the same things anymore. She's older, so I get it. She maybe equates me with him, how do I separate me from him? We aren't the same. I will never hurt her. I'll never betray her. I just want her years left to be everything they should be.
Everytime she pushes me away it hurts. I try so hard to show I'm a safe person. And don't get me wrong, she loves me. I know she does, she shows me. But her past comes out and it's heartbreaking.
I just want her to feel fully safe. And she doesn't. And I don't know what to do.
