I went to a Rapeplay event on Friday.
I was really keen to go – actually, I’d wanted to go to the last one too – but that was back in March and I, poor thing, had a severe triple slipped disc and couldn’t run or kick, or even really walk, so I had to put it off until last Friday. Yeah!
I thought I’d write a quick report on this event and what I learnt from it.
Rapeplay has always been a big kink of mine; here on Tumblr, I’ve loved reading non-consent stories and imagining I was experiencing them myself.
I found the tingle in the air exciting – the tension, the feeling of being desired, of being overwhelmed.
Hot.
The event I went to promised exactly that: there was a huge surplus of men, a massive play area with various playrooms featuring beds, BDSM furniture, dark corners and a fog machine. A huge hall was also set up, and there was a small garden too, though the outdoor area wasn’t particularly exciting.
I arrived there at eight o’clock; I’d already met another woman and a very friendly couple outside the door – they helped me relax and we had a bit of a chat. Inside, we were given a locker key, were able to get changed and then settle in at our own pace.
There was a bar with free drinks and a large buffet, but I wasn’t hungry. I started the evening with a Coke, then the lovely couple from earlier came over and invited me to join them. We chatted a lot; a few others joined us, I had a passion fruit juice spritzer, and then things finally got underway. We were called together and the organiser explained the rules, which everyone had to sign. The safeword was ‘mayday’, and only safer sex was allowed, with anal sex permitted only at the express request of the so-called ‘prey’. Then the women were led inside and allowed to hide. That was actually the most exciting part.
At some point, the men were let in and had to search for and catch us. They carried us into the hall; I put up a fight, of course, but against five men I hardly stood a chance. There, I was dragged into a corner and simply fucked by various men for over an hour. There were just over ten women amongst the more than 100 participants, so the gender ratio was very unbalanced, but that was the intention, of course. That part was more like a rough gangbang and, to be honest, I didn’t really enjoy it. It was rather exhausting because I was trying to fight back. Eventually, the first round was over; we were able to eat and drink again and had a short break.
Time and again, men tried to shove their cocks into my mouth, but I turned my head away and clenched my jaw tightly. The men were rough, and I kept my eyes shut almost the whole time. They did what they were supposed to do, but in reality it just wasn’t as hot as in my fantasy.
The second round was wilder – the men had to wear balaclavas and it was open-ended. It was darker too, and you could use the whole play area. But I ran away from the men several times and somehow they were too tired to follow me. Cowards.
Oh well.
In any case, it was pretty intense and I won’t be taking part again, but it was an important experience because now I know what it is I actually find so interesting about rape play.
I like being desired.
I like being physically outmatched but having the illusion of a chance to win, and I also like it when power dynamics emerge from that (like when Daddy says I have to obey him because I can’t defend myself).
I like that moment of pause when I realise I’ve lost the struggle and the scuffle and am being pressed down onto the mattress, that look into his eyes and how all my defiance drains away and I submit and become well-behaved, and my head clears and I’m happy to obey now.
I love it when I’m then told that I’m a good girl and that Daddy loves me.
I really enjoy it when Daddy just helps himself to me in other ways too and I’m ‘free to use’. But actually, I do like the connection. I like the love. I like the appreciation. I like being humiliated and objectified every now and then, and I like it when he shows me off because he’s proud of me, and then perhaps occasionally allows another man to touch me, but he makes sure I’m treated well.
I don’t like violence. I don’t like men who enjoy that sort of thing.
I like kissing, being choked, being trained and domestic discipline.
I like feeling safe and being able to let myself go. And I like feeling valued.
It was a good experience because it made me realise all of that once again. But I think once is enough for me – for ever.
