little shepherd.

a breath of air escaped her silently, she could pretend she got paged but the damn kid had forced her way onto the brunettes service, so she had no choice, she couldn’t get away. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, after all it wasn’t like this was the most fucked up situation that had happened in this hospital over the years.

stretching her toes in her shoes, the brunette hummed slightly before she gave the softest of smiles. that was the least that she could do. amelia’d been hostile since she’d seen her niece in the halls, and now here they were. maybe she could try the softer approach.

hands curled into the pockets of the white lab coat that she had on and the doctor nodded. if someone could just walk in so she didn’t have to talk about her brother, her reason to pick neurosurgery, she would pay them money but it was no use. “um, i wanted people to be proud of me, derek especially..” she muttered after a moment, an audible sigh this time pulling through. “i was using, uh, oxy from the time i was fourteen to.. uh,  i don’t know. for a long time. i did a lot of stupid shit, and i think everyone expected me to sell like drugs or something  my entire life.. i don’t know. neurosurgery because when i got clean i used to go to work with addison and derek.. and i don’t know, i thought it was badass. the brain is so complex and beautiful.. but, mostly when it started, i just wanted to prove to everyone that i could be put together.” shoulders shrugged and she finally glanced over. “what about you? why a scrub nurse?”

“ your mom, actually, ”  jodie admitted with a small shrug. she had always looked up to her grandmother. where her mother was sometimes harsh, carolyn had always greeted jodie with a big hug and warm smile.  “ when I was twelve or thirteen, my mom knew something about me was... off, I guess. she knew something was wrong but didn’t want to face it; I think dealing with her work in her own home was what made her so difficult. but carolyn? she took my bipolar diagnosis better than mom did. she told me a lot from her navy days—the structure, the routine, her nursing—and it helped. when things got bad, I told myself that one day I’d be a nurse like she was. ”

now it seemed to be jodie’s turn to look uncomfortable. she rarely told anyone about her diagnosis, nor had she been planning to tell her aunt anything so personal until amelia had so candidly told her about her own past. it seemed only fair to be honest.

“yeah, because she’s a psycho. she always has been,” a little rude to say about her own sister but oh fucking well. kathleen had never been soft, not even when amelia had been in the hospital for accidental attempts or not so accidental ones. it shouldn’t have been surprising that she wasn’t even there for her own kids.

setting her cup down on the counter, the older woman chewed at her lip. the last thing that she wanted was to bond over the dislike for her sister. god damn it, she was unsure what to do but as the young woman looked at her she was taken back to the times that she crawled on the floor with her those few times.

“i’m not that great,” she muttered softly but after a few seconds she had to swallow her pride. she needed to, that much she knew. all that they had to do was try and get to know each other to not ruin things and make things awkward. maybe owen was right, she could do this. “okay.. what.. do you wanna know?” 

jodie couldn’t help but pause—it wasn’t exactly the kindest comment but she also wasn’t ready to leap to her mother’s defense. whether she knew it for certain or not, jodie wanted to believe her mother did the things that she did because she cared but... she had no proof. not enough for amelia anyway.

she focused on her coffee, swirling the hot liquid around inside so she could feel it through the sides of the cardboard cup against her fingers, but looked up again in surprise when amelia seemed to come around, at least a little.

People tend to complicate their own lives, as if living weren’t already complicated enough.

grey’s anatomy season 1 & 2 sentence prompts ( accepting )

“ hey, it’s okay. don’t apologize. what’s wrong? ”

“blame that on your mother,” she didn’t feel bad for spouting words like the bitter sister that she was. no way. kathleen had been the one who had took carolyn’s side, she was even surprised that her brother hadn’t but derek had been the only one who didn’t disown her, yet even their relationship had been strained. “she’s the one who cut me off because i’m always gonna be a junkie and i don’t fit into her perfect world.”

at the others words she found herself soften, tough exterior dissipating but not totally. she had a wall that wouldn’t ever completely go down. maybe she was being too harsh, it wasn’t the kids fault that their entire family was full of assholes. so amelia sighed, nodding instead.

“fine,” she agreed though only gently. almost cautiously if you would. swallowing the lump in her throat, she exhaled. she’d try, if only because her boyfriend suggested that she did. “what do you want to talk about?”

“ yeah, I know. ”  there was a lot jodie blamed on her mother. their weekly phone calls weren’t exactly filled with warmth and love. for whatever it was worth, jodie did love her mother sometimes but expressing that was something else entirely.  “ she does that with people who mess with her idea of a perfect family. ”

she tried to hide the bitterness that she felt; it was there, like it always was, but jodie didn’t want their mutual dislike of kathleen shepherd to suddenly be their only bonding point. she cleared her throat lightly and glanced back at amelia, almost just a little bit shy.

her mothers daughter.

that was all amelia could think, and it  wasn’t that she disliked her niece. far from it in fact but  she just didn’t know her anymore and maybe she didn’t want to. everyone had burned her so badly on that side that she just didn’t see the point. owen had told her to be nice and she’d tried but if jodie was here it wasn’t long before kathleen would be and it’d be a family reunion amelia didn’t want, she had enough going on with betty and leo, teddy and owen. she didn’t need all of this too. it was maybe selfish but she just didn’t care, not then. if only she could, or would.

“i’m not cranky. i’m perfectly fine, but it’s like six am and you’ve been talking for the past thirty minutes. what could possibly be so important?”

jodie just sighed into her cup of coffee, looking up towards the ceiling tiles in an attempt not to roll her eyes.  “ maybe it’s because it’s six am and I’m standing here trying to figure out what to say to an aunt I haven’t seen in... what? fifteen years? that seems about right but correct me if my math is wrong. ”      

maybe this was a bad idea. maybe coming to seattle had been a bad idea. not that it was one she could do anything about now because she had a job here now and it was a good job. but family? jodie was not good with family. apparently neither of them were.      

“ I mean... I could but... ”

maybe it was just that they were both tired but jodie got the distinct feeling that amelia did not like her very much. she gave her aunt a sideways glance, eyebrows raised. she had another feeling it had much more to do with the fact she was the spitting image of her mother ( “ oh, you look so much like kathleen did at your age! ” said just about everyone, ever ) who was undoubtedly not amelia’s favourite sister. if only she knew that jodie was about as fond of her mother as amelia was on most days. she took another sip of coffee before continuing...