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(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

reading a historical romance novel and reflecting on the way these stories often present woke nobility for the contemporary reader. a big thing is servants. you can’t not have servants in those times but many modern readers think “but I would never have servants. it would be so weird to have servants” and in order to make the protagonists of the story more relatable they are actually friends with the servants. but flip your perspective and think of it from the side of the servants. wouldn’t it be so awful if your boss was always trying to be friends with you. a really common thing you’ll see is the woke baronet having tea in the kitchen with the servants bc he’s not like other baronets. but what if your boss wanted to hang out and talk during your lunch break every day. not so charming when you think about it that way

The writer's barely disguised longing for a soft life shared with someone who loves them

genuinely ruth and debbie from glow have one of the relationships of all time. what if we were co-dependent college bffs growing apart but i still desperately clung to our relationship. what if in attempt to fill the void in my life you used to fill i had sex with your husband. what if you found out and instead of talking it out we dealt with it by joining a wrestling tv show as an all american golden girl face and evil stereotyped russian heel, respectively, so you could beat me up and degrade me and get to feel like the hero for it, and i could feed my victim complex/feel like im making penance. and btw this will NOT fix anything but instead force us to wallow in the feelings that lead to this whole mess, all while maintaining a physically close and professionally intimate relationship. like. hello?????? does anyone else remember this????