don't look @ me

i love the part of making art where you feel like you need to go missing

your mom jokes don't work when you know someone too well. I would never be in bed with such a wicked woman. That's not even what I had your mom saying last night. I wouldn't speak to her.

i’m so glad i’ve never gotten over anything in my life it makes listening to music so fun

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

Sorry, Millennials, but recent paleontologist findings and hyolaryngeal apparatus reconstructions no longer support the hypothesis that "rawr" means "I love you" in dinosaur.

in order to preserve my internet privacy i’ll have to start feeding everyone misinformation about myself. i don’t eat. i don’t sleep. i don’t breathe. i don’t blink. i don’t have “blood”

You know the word unalive is actually hilarious so it’s disappointing to me that people use it as self censorship instead of as a thing to say when you’re being unserious or lighthearted

this sucks im going to kill (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) the president of the United States. (end statement)