this is the 7th time tumblr has broken my theme

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

I Have Softness For You

i have milk for you

Stop.

Cut the baby monkey in half

Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

dude hes three….

And uncultured. Get a new child

one thing you need to know about 2014. is that what does the fox say was playing pretty much everywhere you went. and everybody was just relieved it wasn't blurred lines

I canot stress enough that those were the only 2 songs in 2014

i'm afraid the phrase "touch my wee wee touch my fucking wee wee!" has become a consistent part of my internal monologue vocabulary

"you only like her because shes a woman" yup "you let female characters get away with too much" yes "if a man did this you would hate him for it" indeed

me when im so sweet and beautiful monday

the polite and considerate sadist

Smalls my eyes at you