be gay or die

do you ever look at your url and think “i am so glad that i have this url. i deserve this url” 

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

i'm also looking forward to your girlfriend's bottom surgery

^ surgeon whose rare and sickly pet lizard only eats human testicles

[image ID: Tumblr tag reading: #i guess those words can go in that order if you really want them to /End ID]

surely it's a ball python

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY

the circus is empty, all of the monkeys are here

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to deny location sharing and turn off personalized ads and reject all non-essential cookies and not set up siri and face ID

Remember in 2010 when Taio Cruz said "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes"? I appreciated his restraint. You can't just throw your hands up in the air whenever. There's a time and a place, and that time was 2010, and the place was the club.

i do think oil executives should be considered mass murderers and treated as such. they knew this was going to happen

there's an anime everyone's into right now and it must be really confusing because everyone in the tags keeps going "wha?" it's okay gang you'll figure it out.

Do we have a franz kafka diary entry for july 1st, i want to know what he thinks!!!