Trash never looked so cool.

I started dating a guy. He hides me cute little dinosaurs to find, it makes me smile. He loves flowers, but he loves me more. He is sweet and kind and awkward. He kisses me on the forehead. He calls me beautiful, darling, and lovely.

It feels so good, but it’s so hard.

We fight, and everything in my wants to be ruthless and nasty like everyone in my family. It’s stitched into my DNA.

And he has so much pain, I want arms to feel healing.

I think this where it starts; I break generational curses now. I’m so tired, he holds my face up when I can’t stop crying, and he has made so many tears fall down my cheeks. It’s all of it all the time. Some nights there are no words for how I feel, just tears.

But Jesse just squeezes me tight and let’s me just be.

I’m thankful he stuck with me. I’m thankful he holds my heart safe. I’m thankful he is loyal.

They were right, it should feel good.

It should take your breath away, not suffocate you.

Fill you, not weigh you down.

Ease your body, not send a shiver down your spine.

It should taste true, not like a bitter guilt.