hi (:

I think I’m also scared of my own greatness because I’m not spending the rewards with you. I wish I could spoil you like I have the past eight years and the only way I can spoil you just going through pain and I know you don’t want that. You told me to forget her, she has everything that I want. Miss being i able to spoil you spontaneously buying you shit you don’t need the shit that would make me happy which would make me happy. If I have everything I do have everything, that’s what I do it with you literally feels like nothing I am doesn’t make me care. Makes me feel like there’s no point in trying if I know that I can’t reap the rewards with you

You’d want me to have more of your t shirts but it’s being locked and I can’t get through no matter how much I’d love to have one or five or seven. I miss you

I wear this ring not only out of love, guidance and memories, but because I promised you no one would ever come between us. And this is the only way to keep my word and honor you. You worried about if I dated someone else, they wouldn’t want me to keep you around. I said, then they’re not for me. I told you, you mattered and I want you in my life. The right person will understand and respect my choices, my passion and my love for you.

the way she calls me, the way she worries me, reminds me of you when you needed me & id worry. I wish she could give me words to calm down and figure things out. I wish she could give me worlds to make everything feel small again.

I look at your ring for guidance every day. I look at your ring for love and laughter. I look at your ring to feel your presence whenever I need it. I love this ring.

I miss when you heard my voice crack or my nose stuffed over the phone and asked, what’s wrong? I love you. I care about you. And I’d respond with all my ache. This is the biggest ache and I just want to hear those words from you. You made me stronger, you made me feel loved and cared about.

Losing you was the worst thing to happen to me. And because nothing hurts more, nothing else worries me, scares me, gives me anxiety, stresses me the way it once did. And sadly, now I don’t know how love looks like. I just see ours and can’t repeat

my sadness got my air signs to show up to say fuck Pisces moon

I don’t want to move out because I don’t want someone to catch on my mental health problems and I don’t want to live alone because then I’ll be alone in my sadness feeling lonely and overwhelmed. I’ll crash.

sadness is so different from depression. A continuation of sadness feels like assignments you want to procrastinate. and that’s what I do. I kept myself awake, busy, I’ve had issues being alone and that’s the number one reason I know something is wrong within. I’ve always been comfortable being more alone but losing someone you love so much, you want to avoid being sad alone. It’s so heavy. And exhausting.

the heaviness would be gone if you were here. the excitement and happiness that lies deep would shine. you’re my fav one

ever wanna cry but tears don’t come out