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A whisper in my ear as the clock hits 3,

Bundled in my bed hoping it leaves me be.

But no, it stays, as it does every time,

Uninvited, unwanted, straight for the depths of my mind.

Tears welling, here we go, it’s happening once again.

Ur awful, pathetic , a complete burden to all men.

Egotistical and selfish, a disgrace to your kin.

Requesting forgiveness but no change, did you really wash those sins?

Pretending nothings wrong with past actions lurking near,

I’ll remind you of each one, there are many things you should fear.

Stop it! Stop! For one night please!

Leave you alone? Why? You and me we’re two peas. 

Together in this pod, entrapped with each other.

My truth is not false, you’re the real bother.

Save me, come take me.

I won’t make another move.

Every word, every thought—

oh please, I’m sick of it.

Take me somewhere, anywhere,

somewhere where I can’t think.

My imagination kills me more than it should.

Stop it—just stop it.

You know you have the power to.

I’m sick of empty promises. Take responsibility.

My hope is fleeting.

I can’t wait anymore—not another second.

Gimme the way out.

Where do I look?

I wanna go now.

Will you let me leave?

Am I trapped?

Where’s the emergency exit?

You love me, so let me leave.

This is more than I can handle.

haven’t seen you,

haven’t touched you, 

I miss you, yet haven’t found you.

Do I have you? 

Will I see you?

Is my yearning nonsensical?

my heartstrings tangled to an idea of the future—

Do they hold something tangible,

or a mirage from desire?

If you’ll be here how long?

Might you leave once you know me ?

Disappointment, settlement,

From you it would break me.

Hope there’s no you,

I won’t woe you,

Hidden from expectation.

But I want you,

Want to trance you, 

Be the source of your affection.

I don’t need you,

do I need you?

Don’t know that’s God’s desire.

I might scold you, 

If I find you,

I blame you for this selfish hunger.

Still I don’t know you, 

Might not know you,

I must stop thinking at this hour.

Dreading silence that comes every morning

Another day of nothing, nothing unfolding

Sun rays through my curtains, shining over my bedding

Fine dust gathering on furniture, a sign the day is starting 

Such bright colours surround me, yet my vision is dim 

Cross on the counter, my only hope to live 

A lot of love to give with pockets nesting webs  

As useful as a rock, no one likes a loose thread 

Maybe this day will be different maybe today ill make them happy 

Must I sacrifice my smiles so their labour is worth for me 

Every second seems valuable yet all I do is waste it 

Time waits for no one, I just dont wanna admit it 

Outside, no rest,

Bubbling like a stomach pest

Legs weak, body tense

I can’t keep it in, this danger I sense

Running, gut pulsing, vision getting blurry

Passing shops, non stop, where to relieve this slurry

Couldn’t take it, turned to a store

fresh smell of paper I ignored,

Eyes scanning, where’s the sign? 

Stick figure women under the W line

Big room, locked door

FREEDOM!!! I roared 

Took my time, got all comfy 

Safe and sound in the Indigo washy 

How are you doing love?

I'm right here waiting love.

I know there's nothing I can do,

to make the pain fade for you.

I wish you'd pick up one of my calls,

to break this heavy blocking wall.

I know your thoughts just won't agree,

but please...can't you open a space for me.

although this hurts one things for sure,

I'll stay here even when my feet are sore.

If there's something you need I'll drop everything,

with you even a second is worth cherishing.

Wiped my tears stomach howling,

went down stairs sounds of growling.

a slice of cake chilling in the fridge,

sealed and surrounded by a loud screechy ridge.

Waiting patiently for my cue,

but that’s when tables flipped my view.

Screaming anger harsh words thrown,

I don’t deserve to live I shouldn’t have been born.

All exhausted, snot dripping, eyes dry,

I don’t deserve it, the slice of cake I cried.