Your Fantasy is My Reality

The afternoon spent with Sarah was an enjoyable one.  Something about the sound of her voice soothed him… made him feel hopeful.  Although for what, he wasn’t certain.  As each chapter was slowly revealed, John felt as if forgotten parts of himself were doing the same.  There were still no memories; this was more like sensations… and emotions.  Fondness - regret - longing - they crept tentatively through him, as if searching for purpose inside his head.  And over it all was a sense of connection.  This felt right… even if he didn’t understand why.  But maybe, with Sarah’s help, he soon would.

John regretted when it was time for them to say goodbye.  Watching Sarah walk away from him held a finality to it that made no sense.  But he didn’t stop her.  How could he?  What reason would he give?  Such actions would surely only serve to make the woman question him… question his sanity.  And he couldn’t have that.  He needed her. Of that John was certain.

That night, he did not sleep easy.  There was a pain in his chest; something felt broken… shattered.  In his dreams, John was scrambling to pick up the pieces, push them back into his chest before they were lost forever.  But some… some were missing.  Lost in a realm he could no longer reach.  And others were… not stolen, not precisely.  But they’d settled into the heart of another.  Wriggled their way in so deeply…

He awoke with a start, chest still aching, breath catching in his throat.  “Sarah…”  The word was gasped softly into the empty room, and John sat up, staring into the darkness.  He didn’t understand what was happening!  If only he could remember…!

She was back in the ballroom, but it was empty.  Shards of mirror were scattered across the floor and crunched with each step Sarah took.  

“He’s not here,” a voice said from behind her.

The young woman whirled to find herself facing a familiar figure… it was one of the women who’d danced with Jareth.  Sarah didn’t know why she remembered that, but there was certainty in the knowledge.  “He…?” she asked, although she already knew the answer.

The woman gestured around the room.  “He did all of this for you.  Gave you your heart’s desire, and what did you do?”

“I-” Sarah began, but was cut off.

“You ruined him!  You didn’t just break his heart - you shattered it!  Pieces all over the place!  And if he doesn’t get them back, do you know what will happen?!  Do you?!”

The woman was practically in tears now as Sarah shook her head, not knowing what to say.

“He’ll turn into stardust!  This is why none of us watch the Earth anymore.  You’re all selfish, small-minded, ungrateful creatures!”  The woman strode closer, getting right into Sarah’s face, sneering.  “You don’t deserve everything he gave you!”  Then she put her hand on Sarah’s chest, over her heart.  “And you definitely don’t deserve to have that bit of him glowing inside you!” 

Then, before Sarah could react, the woman plunged her hand into her chest and began to pull at something within her.  The author screamed…

“My instincts?”  John chuckled, finding that he enjoyed the hint of challenge in the woman’s gaze.  “But Ms. Williams… Sarah - that’s what I’m doing.  It’s why I invited you here.  Because while logic tells me there’s nothing but absurdity to be found by looking for my answers in a children’s novel… my instinct - my heart - tells me something else.”  He gazed down at her for a moment, unable to look away.  Her eyes… there was a determination in them that… that made him anxious.  But why?

John looked away, unnerved, staring instead at one of his favorite paintings - a nebula shaped remarkably like a human eye - the image of a dying star.  Shivering as a sudden chill worked its way down his spine, he looked back at Sarah as she spoke.  “There’s no need for apologies.  What’s happened has happened.  I’m making due.”  He offered her a smile, trying to reassure.  “I thought… that is, would you like to go back to the garden?  Like last time?  Perhaps we might both be more comfortable there?”

It couldn’t just be coincidence.  Sarah knew that.  This HAD to be Jareth… deep down she understood and accepted.  The real mystery was how he’d come to be here… and why he seemed to truly have no memory of her, or his life before.  Or rather… no conscious memory.  Something had pulled him to her… just as she’d been pulled to him.  Still, she couldn’t simply voice her suspicions.  He’d think she was crazy… and refuse to see her again… and then they might never figure out what was happening here.  “Well,” she said with a soft smile, “I don’t mind indulging you.  And maybe… maybe my instincts are calling to me, too.”  It was such a dramatic thing to say… but Sarah wanted to put the man at ease - to assure him they were on equal footing here.

His gaze on hers brought back memories of a shared dance… of feeling like they were the only two people in the universe.  She’d accepted her mixed feelings for the king long ago, but was surprised to discover how much she cherished that sensation - even now.  At the offer to return to the garden, Sarah nodded.  “I think I’d like that.  And it’s a good setting for the part I’ll be reading today.”

John closed the door behind her once Sarah was in the room, hoping she wouldn’t mind the additional privacy.  “Not just enjoy…” he insisted, his voice soft… thoughtful.  “I… I suppose it’s difficult to explain.  Or rather, it feels somewhat absurd…?  But there’s something about your story…”  John shook his head.  “Probably nothing but my own fancies… never mind.”  He offered what was almost a self-conscious smile as words faded away.

He was rescued from having to fumble along even more by her comment on the paintings.  “They are mine, yes.  I have forgotten everything from my past… and yet somehow, I know that the stars are a part of it.”  His gaze slid from the paintings to Sarah, lips quirking into a self-deprecating expression.  “I suspect I don’t have the physique to be an astronaut.  And I believe NASA would know if they had one missing…  But perhaps an astronomer of some sort?”    John sighed and shook his head.  The hospital has tried to help me find links… anything pertaining to my past and what little I remember…”  He nodded to indicate his paintings.  “Unfortunately they’ve had no luck…”

Something about her story…?  Sarah’s eyes traveled over the man’s face, seeking answers that just didn’t seem to be there.  She saw no recognition in that gaze… and yet, why did staring into them make her feel so lost?  And so found?  “Maybe,” she said softly, “it wouldn’t hurt to trust your instincts for a change?”  There might’ve been a hint of challenge in those words.  But just barely.  In truth, despite the fact that she hadn’t even begun reading yet, the woman was already hoping he’d invite her back again.

The stars.  Sarah’s memory tugged at her.  An impossible maze - a song sung for her ears alone.  ‘I move the stars for no one.’  And yet that was what he’d done, hadn’t he?  Jareth had stretched his powers to their limits and she’d thrown it back in his face.  Rightfully so, of course.  Toby was the only thing that mattered.  But now - now her writer’s mind was whirling with the possibilities of what had happened once she’d won the ‘game.’  Had Jareth pushed his powers TOO far? Was that even possible?

The week passed differently than all the rest before it.  Perhaps because, for the first time since his arrival here, John had something - someone - to look forward to.  It was an odd feeling, but it was new, so he welcomed it.  Anything to help him escape from the monotony of living in this place - to escape from the feeling of isolation - of slowly losing himself.  

And he dreamed!  For the first time in memory!  The images made no sense, but the woman was there - shining like a diamond amidst a sea of others.  They danced for what seemed like forever, and it almost felt like… like home.  Now he anticipated her return all the more!  John didn’t know how it was possible (or why he felt so certain) but this woman and her book… they were unlocking things within him.  Memories?  He wasn’t certain.  But he couldn’t deny the changes within him since that day in the garden.

The knock on his door barely a week later had John’s heart racing.  She was here! John took a quick look around his room - everything was in order… not that he had much to get ‘out of order.’  The room held his bed and a writing desk, a small couch and a short bookshelf.  On the walls were several paintings he’d done - all of them depicting the night sky.  Taking a deep breath, John opened the door with a smile (that he hoped didn’t look too nervous) and stepped back to welcome Sarah inside.  

“I’m glad you were able to make it,” he told her.  “Please come in, Ms. Williams.”  He hesitated for a beat and then continued, “I confess, I’ve thought of little else except your story since our parting last week. I look forward to hearing more about the young girl… and the world of the Labyrinth.”

Ms. Williams?  It sounds so... formal.  She’d opened her mouth to tell him he could call her Sarah, but John started speaking again.  Had she really impressed him so much with that first reading.  “W-well, thank you,” she replied, offering him a smile in return as she stepped into the small room.  “It’s always nice to know people enjoy my writing and the stories I have to tell.”

He chuckled a little when the woman seemed to be as unsure of his name as he himself was.  “If I think of something else, you will be the first to know,” he replied, tone vaguely teasing.  A brow arched in further interest when she confessed to having written the book.  That certainly made more sense… and would also make her reading of it more substantial (or so he assumed.)  

With a silent nod, John leaned back to look up at the sky as Sarah began to read.  It was a rather charming tale - about a little girl and her half-brother - and a villainous goblin king.  Although… the girl had demanded the child be taken.  It almost seemed to him that she had only herself to blame for what befell her and her brother afterwards.  But he didn’t say so - he just kept listening to the woman’s voice as she read, enjoying the tale.  

The thing was… the longer her words flowed through him, the more his skin began to… to ripple.  Or tingle?  Or something.  He wasn’t quite sure.  It was the most unusual feeling - something he’d experienced before… but not since some of his earliest memories.  And the feeling had faded rapidly, never to return.  Until now, it seemed.  Even as Sarah stopped reading, the feeling remained, and John had to shake himself free of his thoughts in order to reply to her.  “I have no wish to keep you,” he replied, looking on her with a gentle smile.  “However, I think I would enjoy hearing more of your story, Ms. Williams.  If you have the time, of course.”

He looked around him, and then up to the sky where stars were just barely beginning to appear.  John’s heart ached… as it always did when he saw stars - filled with a longing he could never explain.  Looking back to Sarah, he continued, “I look forward to seeing you again.  Until then, take care.”  Then his eyes drifted back up.  A part of him wanted to cry - it always did - but somehow, the thrumming under his skin seemed to ease the pain, or chase it away… if only just a little.

When the man with Jareth’s face said he wanted her to return, Sarah let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding.  Right until that precise moment she hadn’t realized just how badly she wanted him to say she could come back.  It was absurd, of course.  She knew this person couldn’t be the Goblin King.  

… Didn’t she…?

“N-next week, then” she replied, tucking the book away in her bag.  Standing, Sarah offered him a nod as he spoke.  “I’m happy to make time…”  She was about to say more, but wasn’t sure the man would hear her.  John was staring so intently at the stars… and the look of pure sadness on his face almost made her gasp.  It was the exact same face she’d seen that night when she’d murmured those fateful words… ‘You have no power over me…’  The night she’d shattered Jareth’s world.

With shaking steps, Sarah fled the small garden, walking quickly to her car.  Once behind the wheel, she sat there, breaths heavy as she battled with a myriad of emotions she couldn’t place.  “It can’t be… it just can’t!” she told herself.  But… what if…?

~~~

The next week Sarah found herself nervously standing outside the door to John’s room.  This was absurd!  Why was her heart beating so fast?  Even if the man on the other side of the door WAS somehow Jareth… he obviously had no memory - not of her or anything else.  Knocking softly, the woman bit her lip and worried at it, mind racing. 

His offer seemed to have worked, and the man found himself feeling unusually relieved as she moved moved further into the garden and took a seat on the stone bench beside him.  Her nearness felt - right.  He couldn’t explain it.  At the woman - Sarah’s - question, he frowned.  “I don’t think I have one.  Perhaps I’ve never had one…”  A sigh pushed past his lips and he looked up at the sky, as if the answers were there somewhere.  “The staff here, they call me John.  That’s never felt right, but I suppose if you need to call me something, that would be best…”

As the woman opened the book she’d been holding, he trailed off, shifting to glance down curiously.  “This book is important to you.”  It was a statement, not a question.  Somehow he just knew.  Perhaps it was the way she held it, or how her fingers traced the text on that particular page.  Whatever the reason, he was certain of its importance - and it made him curious to hear the words written within.  As if, because they were important to her, they should be important to him, too.

John?  No… definitely not right.  She was more sure of that every second she sat here beside him.  And Sarah suddenly found herself wondering what he would do when he heard the name… the right name.  Would it make a difference?  Maybe not.  After all, he hadn’t reacted to her.  Although perhaps she was putting more stock in her role than she should?  It was more than a little conceited to think she was the reason for the man who sat before her with no memories.  Wasn’t it?  Or did she simply not want to believe that her refusal all those years ago had caused… this?  “John it is, then,” she finally replied.  “Although, if you think of something else you’d rather be called, tell me, and I will.”

Sarah looked up and over at him, a little startled by the statement.  “I… yes.  Yes, it is.”  She laughed then, her tone turning sheepish.  “I wrote it… so it’s definitely found a special place in my heart.”  That wasn’t the only reason, of course, but she couldn’t simply start telling people the truth… otherwise she might wind up right here alongside… John.

Not sure what else to say, the woman offered him a smile and said, “I’ll begin now, if that’s alright…?”  She didn’t really wait for a response… although perhaps she should have.  Was it possible the idea of actually talking to the man who looked so much like Jareth frightened her… just a little?  Shaking off the feeling, she began to read, immersing herself for the second time that day in the retelling for her own story.  She stopped occasionally to take sips of water, but it wasn’t until the sun moved too low to see properly that she closed the book and looked back over at John.  

When Sarah had beaten his game and the crystal had shattered, the world Jareth had created for her shattered, too.  Not in a figurative sense.  A literal one.  Pieces of his creation flying here and there.  One of them even struck him in the chest.  It hurt so terribly he was certain he’d die… and in a way, he did.

The man once know as the Goblin King woke up in the middle of a forest with no knowledge of who or what he was.  He seemed to know some things.  For example, when he finally found a road, he knew what it was and that if he walked along it he’d eventually reach a town.  But everything about his own life was - just gone.

For awhile he drifted from place to place, trying to find answers.  he met people along the way that were nice enough, but they never clicked in a way that made him want to stay.  He learned by pure chance what he could do - the powers he possessed.  He’d been set upon by three men, determined to take what little money he had.  But when they came for him, something within reacted.  A brilliant white light poured from his hands… blinding his attackers and giving him time to escape.  From then on, he practiced with his ‘inner light’ and what it could do - honing it.  And for awhile, everything was good… even if he still couldn’t remember anything.

But gradually the light began to dim - and then flicker - and then sometimes it refused to come when he summoned it.  At the same time he began to have more trouble remembering things. There were days where he’d spend the entire night doing nothing but staring up into the night sky.  And sometimes, if he stared long enough, he swore he could hear the stars - trying to talk to him.  It was on one of those nights - in the middle if a snowstorm - that the police took him to the hospital, which was where he’d been ever since.

The staff called him John, and they wouldn’t let him leave.  So he stayed, and they sometimes let him stare at the stars.  He couldn’t get the light to come at all anymore.  Not that he tried very often.  What was the point?  And it was hard to remember things from day to day.  All of his memories just seemed jumbled, like they were all part of one never-ending dream - one that wasn’t worth sorting out.

The voice in the garden made him flinch a little involuntarily, but he didn’t look up - not right away. Then, as if realizing for the first time that a question had been asked, he looked over to where the voice stood and blinked slowly. It was a young woman - one who stared at him strangely.  There was something odd about her eyes… they made his chest ache.  Forcing himself to look away, he stared at the book in the woman’s hands, instead.  Oh.  Was that what she was here for?  “I’m not going back to my room.  If I want to read something, I’ll do it on my own.”

But did he want her to leave - the woman who gazed at him with such an unusual expression?  Why couldn’t he place it?  He decided he didn’t want her to go - not until he understood that look… and the pain that made his chest burn.  Was she going to leave?!  He needed to stop her!  “However!” he continued, voice far louder than he’d intended.  Clearing his throat, the man continued.  “However - this garden is open to everyone. So if you wished to sit and read aloud, I couldn’t stop you…”  Yes, that should do the trick - or so he hoped.

Sarah wasn’t sure what she expected when he finally looked up at her... but it wasn’t what she got.  There was no recognition behind those pale eyes.  No indication at all that he knew who she was.  His voice wasn’t as smooth as she remembered either.  There was a raggedness to it... a tiredness.  But maybe... maybe she’d been mistaken?  This man looked similar to Jareth, but his face was thinner, his skin almost too pale.  There was a fine stubble on his cheeks and his hair had been cut short.  Could she have been mistaken?  Perhaps it was simply that she’d been reading from her first book that made the writer see Jareth in this man?

Snowy Winter Landscape Gifs - Video found here

She believed in him. If there was nothing else that had gotten through the spindling darkness of the monster’s keep – it was her unyielding faith in his power to fight it. Jareth wasn’t entirely certain if he could, but Sarah believed, and in that moment, it was enough. The moment that her hand closed around the pendant, the fair-haired king could feel the Labyrinth tremble in anticipation. It wanted him to fight too. It believed, in whatever capacity, that they could overcome the darkness that was consuming Jareth, together.

Closing his eyes, he allowed his own faith to be placed upon the brunette. For so long he had been fighting to maintain even an ounce of control, and he was worn. Beyond so, really. And there was still so much to do. So much, and so hard would they have to fight still. He had to put his trust in her. He had to give her the power to change the Labyrinth at her own will now, and not his. Not the monster’s. It had called upon her - so desperate in it’s own release of it’s owner’s captivity from darkness.

The scene before them was rapidly changing. No longer standing in Sarah’s apartment - and now finding themselves withing Jareth’s office of the castle. The elaborately carved oak desk took up a massive portion of the room itself - paperwork in stacks against the surface. A high-backed chair sat behind it. The crimson leather and gold detail glimmered slightly in the amber glow of the fire.

Drawing in a harsh breath, Jareth caught himself on the edge of the desk - his entire core knowing that he was home. Head bent down, hair falling forward as he tried to stabilize himself. Finally, his gaze found Sarah. The steps to take to break the bond between him and the monster were unclear. But he knew that she was the key. Whatever it took, whatever it meant. “Sarah…” it was all that he could manage in the moment, his voice barely above a whisper. “You….” Eyes closed again for a moment, trying to gather strength, “Wear…it. Keep it on…. at all costs.”

As everything began to solidify around her, Sarah couldn’t help taking a moment to look around.  It wasn’t a part of Jareth’s world that she’d ever physically visited, but the woman found herself gazing around the room in confused recognition. She’d written about this place...his office - from the ornate desk to the chair of red and gold.  

It was the king’s ragged intake of breath that drew her mind back to the present.  She could worry about the implications of recognizing the room later.  There were more important things right now.   It was odd...watching him sag against the desk, using it to support himself.  Seeing Jareth this way felt...wrong somehow.  When he looked up at her, Sarah offered a soft, encouraging smile.  “We did it!”  She moved closer when he spoke hr name, refusing to be intimidated by the dual personalities seemingly at war within him.

The monster on the other hand, was reveling in the desperate notions that Sarah seemed to be having. The grip that had tightened, the plea for her words to reach the King within. Perhaps a bargain could be made again. Already once, it had taken Jareth’s heart to hold within it’s keep – but it was obvious that part of it lay within this woman. No matter how much Jareth was fighting, denying, retching in the grasp of it’s power. Sarah was something more. Sarah could truly destroy the fair haired king, and then what power that was left of his, would be up for the taking. Free from being bound in the Labyrinth, and more powerful than it had ever been before. Yes, let this poor pathetic woman do her best, and it would serve it’s worst in turn.

The warmth of Sarah’s hands on Jareth’s face seemed to flicker the static of the monster’s control. Eyes steeled over and flashed with the light that once was much more prominent than in recent months. It was hard for him to focus on her, but he pulled with all of his will to do so. Even if it were only for moments at a time - fleeting in the malicious intentions that were building up around his own desperation, Jareth tried. And tried. With a weak and shaking hand, Jareth touched the pendant around his neck, shutting his eyes tightly as he tried to straighten back up. His stomach turned, and he had to pause in his actions, his voice weak and hoarse from the growling difference the monster had, “Take it, Sarah…” 

Watching the man with trepidation, hope trembled through her when his expression seemed to change...if only a fraction.  “That’s it,” the woman encouraged, giving him a soft smile.  “You can do this, Jareth.  I...I believe in you.  Fight back!”

When he offered her the pendant, Sarah’s brows creased in confusion.  But the voice, although it sounded tired and ill, was his...not that thing’s.  So, still not understanding why, the author reached out and took hold of the familiar pendant.  “Jareth, I…”  But the words died on her lips as fingers closed around it.  Without being told, she understood.  They needed to go back.  A small niggle of doubt crept through her.  What if…?  But the woman quickly quashed it.  No!  Something was wrong...something she’d caused.  And she needed to fix it...no matter what.

But that creature had left out that it would slowly possess him, too. Jareth had only known that it would hold his heart as the bargain. However, when he had to tap into the full and combined power of them both to restore the kingdom - a shift happened. It was slow, at first. Anger spells and dizziness that he could easily chalk up to stress. It had only spiraled from there. And now, it seemed, the Labyrinth was desperate to fight back and save him – by calling to Sarah. 

The monster, having Sarah so close to the answers, was not happy. The phantom feel of sharp teeth gnashing at him from within caused Jareth to nearly double in pain. A groan was all that had sounded in his voice – before he snapped his head back up to look at the brunette before him. Eyes nearly completely darkened, voice gruff and foreign once more. Cold. Cruel. 

 ‘I will kill him.’

That ‘him’ seemed to imply Jareth.  Which meant...well, seemed to suggest...that the Goblin King had become possessed...by someone or something that even he couldn’t fully control.  Something that wanted them both dead.  Something that didn’t want her back in the Labyrinth.  Which meant, of course, that she had to go.  What other choice was there?