im obsessed with the idea that in 2015ish situationship era, Hollanov have occasional phone sex over video, and its just a vehicle for INCREASINGLY painful pining.
so every few weeks, when Ilya feels too lonely and misses Shane too bad, and it's been long enough not to be suspicious, or on the occasional night Shane gets drunk or frustrated, they'll call to fuck.
not to talk of course, though they both always seem to sneak in just a few minutes of small talk or gossip in the buildup.
Just to have sex.
and like,, Ilya straight up insists on having Shanes face in view. neither of them really think too much of the request (order) itself, because Ilya just says that he wants to hear and see the effect he's having on Shane, and who is Shane to refuse him?
but what I really really love, is the idea that Ilya is always pointing the camera at his body, his cock, his abs, because that's what Shane is there for, right?
and like, yes, that is what Shane's there for. but also, god he wants to fucking see ilyas face. wants to see his pupils swelled and lips swollen and hair stuck to his sweaty forehead.
but he couldn't get away with asking for the camera to be flipped the way Ilya can. both of them know that Shane loves to be ordered around, and Ilya loves to witness Shanes enjoyment.
Any request Shane makes is a serious, significant one, because Shane so rarely makes them. and Shane doesn't want Ilya to know that the actual personhood behind the camera is infinitely more important and arousing to Shane than the body.
so Ilya doesn't know that. in his head, he knows that he is just a fuck to Shane, and while he can sneakily get away with seeing Shane's face, his freckles, his choppy fringe, why would Shane ever want to see his?
Ilya is there to show off what makes him worth Shanes time off the ice. His body. And Shane doesn't know how to ask for anything more than that, without revealing it all.
it’s actually illegal to make me tear up at 10 am on a saturday morning. i can’t see now because my eyes are blurry. you’re going to jail.
LMAO sorry!! in my defence, it's midnight where I am so angsty thoughts are excusable.
but yeah, this post is just another addition to my expanding collection of Ilya (and Shane obviously, but specifically Ilya) angst. I love thinking about how his family treated him, as expected and obligated to give without the right for anything in return, would impact his other relationships and behaviours.
Like, if you grow up in a household like that, and now your main connection with your current family is through them extorting your wealth because its all they think your good for, isn't that going to be internalised?
I just think it makes perfect sense that Ilya would indeed conceptualise his relationship with Shane as a service he's doing (being great at sex, being discreet, being hot, being an excellent player etc), where in exchange he gets Shane.
at first, this would obviously just be sex with Shane, but as their relationship develops, yeah I think he would sneak in little moments of affection or vulnerability and justify it to himself as a trade.
Ilya fucks Shane crazy extra good -> Shane takes a nap in his bed and Ilya gets to imagine this being every day.
Ilya ensures his house is comfortable and hospitable, Ilya makes nice, tasty food, Ilya asks about safe but engaging topics and gets Shane talking -> Shane stays over for the day. Maybe even wants to make a habit of it. Maybe gets in the habit of texting and calling Ilya too. Maybe gets in the habit of Ilya.
I just don't think Ilya factors himself into the equation except as an obstacle, because I don't think he thinks of himself as genuinely lovable at his core, when his confident, flirty bluster is washed away.
ugh and there's also so much to get into on Shane's side of things here too but its more like twelve thirty mannnn fuck the passage of time. maybe for another day i'll get at him too lol
i love that your response to being threatened with jail time is to double down on your crimes. excellent instincts.
