♥

Hey guys,  Leave me inbox msgs, and I will get back to u all within the next few days! :) 

I am back . I’m sorry it’s been forever since I have been here or posted anything at all but I am back.. I recently came out to my sister inlaw ‘bout being Genderfluid, and it went amazing! She is VERY accepting, as for my mom and brothers?? well, they are transphobic idiots and I am terrified to come out as them as the real me. I am not happy at home, I am stressed hardcore. I cannot be called Jay (prefered name) I need to be called my birth name, and it kills me, literally! They use the pronouns “she/her/girl” and it drives me nuts. ‘Cause truthfully, i’m not just a girl. I am a biological born female yes BUT trapped in two worlds so-to-speak. One day I can wake up and feel feminine, a few hours I can feel masculine, or the next day when I wake up. I never know who i’m gonna be till I wake up in the morning, and even then.. getting dressed? woah.. thats another difficulty. I can spend more than a half hour looking in my closet asking myself “who am I today?” Its so hard being trapped between being feminine and masculine. But, thats me. Jay! who was born female, and identifies as Genderfluid. I love myself, because I am unique. Some people say my personality changes with my gender.. Is that possible? ‘Cause I get told that a lot. None of my family will understand what I go through day to day, and it KILLS me knowing that I won’t get the support from my mom who is suppose to be there for their child. But, theres always wishful thinking right? Hopefully with time she will come around, but thats BIG wishful thinking. I mean, when Caitlyn Jenner’s coming out video debuted, I was watching about it - and mom says “*HE* isnt even a woman, he sure is a ugly woman” I continuously told her that she is a SHE, NOT a he... but yet she still called her by the wrong pronouns. She thinks it isnt right, she thinks cause she waited so long to transition that hes crazy or something. Like, just no.. You dont say that shit. I am sick and tired of how her and my brothers treat people who aren’t like them .. as they would call themselves *normal* but trust me, they are far from normal. I on the other hand is out of all of them. Anyway, within the next few days, I will be in fact coming out to my mom, I dont care if she cant accept me for who I am truly within myself. I ain’t here to please anyone but myself. I need to do what is best for myself and my health. I have hidden for YEARS on who I truly was, since I was maybe 12-13. I couldn’t rly dress the way I wanted to, mom would speak up and say ‘ur not wearing that’ or ‘what r u gay, bi or dyke now’ this was a constant thing for years, and there was nothing I could do. What kid can really tell their parent how they rly feel within themselves and they believing it without thinking its a ‘phase’ THIS is not a phase. This is an ongoing battle that I deal with on a day-to-day basis and I am continuously battling with my self and saying that everything WILL be okay eventually. I am emotionally and physically tired, I cant go on living my life as a big fat lie and I wont, i’m not being miserable just because some people cant accept me for me. I cant please everyone, can I? I need to do whats best for myself, and for my future and I am sticking to that plan. Are there gonna be people who judge me? Of course, BUT I am strong enough to pick myself up and fight back for my rights as a human being & fight for those who have self harmed and killed themselves due to bullies. There needs to be people out there to take a stand, to take a stand for those who have passed, who have self harmed trying to end their lives. Our lives are precious and no one should be wanting to take that away from anyone. We are all the same on the inside, no matter what I dont care what ANYONE has to say about that.