Ray-Ban Sunglasses

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

Dying to self has got to be one of the hardest things ever. “The loss of life” as the Merriam- Webster Dictionary describes it, is painful and agonizing. It’s frustrating. Its heart aching. Its tiring. Loss, “the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value.” Is like a plant that is uprooted and just left bear on the surface. its exposed. And that’s the thing about dying to self- the exposure that you are left with that leaves you the most vulnerable, aching for the cover of that person or thing in which you hid in. No matter how toxic it can be, no matter how much it influences the future, it is something that you do not want to let go of. Exposure to revealing the true nature of who you are. The true nature of what needs to be removed because it is rotten, diseased or broken. The true nature of what needs to remain in order to flourish. See, death is needed. Life needs to be lost so that new life can form. Like in nature, some roots are uprooted so that it can make space, make room for more growth.  Some roots are removed to allow the plant to flourish and bloom into its next season. The crushing, the process, brings about a refresh and a growth unlike never seen before. And that is why it is the most painful. See, nothing worthwhile comes easily. Nothing beautiful blooms overnight. It. Is. A. process. It requires death of self for you to see, live & breathe the best version of yourself.

Here are to the moments where you feel all but nothing at. The. Same. Time.  Frustrated yet hopeful. angry yet boastful. Sad yet joyful. Its this oxymoron of feelings, ideas that I never have been able to catch the wind of. My feelings are like an uncontrollable sailboat. If I could just catch the wind and anchor it to what needs to be. But so many times in uncertainty I just can’t. I just can’t grab hold and I do what? I surrender. I surrender to al the directions of all the feelings that are coming towards me. I stop. I close my eyes. I Breathe in slowly. I Exhale profoundly. Everything subsides into one thing. The desire of the heart. What’s MY desire? To know God. I don’t ask myself how. I don’t ask myself when. I don’t ask in what way. I just trust that the wind will blow into the direction in which the sailboat will need to go. I catch that wind and then all that I have desired is even more than all that I have felt. All But Nothing, becomes into One Thing. Fullness. Fullness in the moment. Fullness in the now. Steadfastness to stand firm in what I have been called to. Trust in the chaos and trust in the peace. This is the beauty of everything.

Frustrated, again. Overthinking this situation, again. Tying to remain, aligned, again. Trying to fix my focus but the still small voice, nags at me again. Its not that I cant move on its just.. I don’t know what the correct way.Quite frankly, I don’t feel the security in the first few steps that I have now taken. And so  I rather do nothing. I rather sit in the back lines. In the back walls. In the back burner and do nothing... because it seems that every time I decide something.. its the wrong thing, again. Again, I find myself in the concern of what everyone else will say and not focus on what You’ve already said. I need guidance.i need wisdom. God, I need boldness more than I need clarity to see beyond what I feel. Its so strange, because the same feeling I had then, I have now. The same heat goes up in my heart the same way it did before. The same consistency of thought came in as before. I thought that this repetitive cycle would have ended already but... it seems that there is more than what i have thought it to be. makes me feel like a terrible person to be honest..... this cycle will end. 

Embrace NO. 

The mind- it’s a lot like an International Airport. It’s filled with busy terminals of flights of thoughts that are constantly arriving and departing from our mind. Interestingly enough, I think that more than 85% of our thoughts never really take full flight.They neither fully depart or fully land. Flights of thoughts that never make it to its final destination, words that we speak. The unspoken then is much more daunting to me than that which is spoken. Its quite often turbulent because sooo much what goes in our mind never really lands outside. The unspoken, can create fears out of nothing. It can break hearts out of nothing. It can make you lose notion of time, whether that is staying in the past or going  way ahead of the future, and prevents you from being present in the now, all while not displaying to the outside the turmoil that is within. Then what ends up happening is that the unspoken becomes much more louder than that which is spoken and has already been spoken. The question for you today is are you gonna continue to let the unspoken cause constant delays in your life? Are you gonna land the thoughts that need to be spoken into existence & depart the thoughts that you know will only bring destruction and setback for your life? Let that which has already been spoken over you, overpower the unspoken world that constantly bombards life, one day at a time. 

Many times in life, I think we find ourselves subject to so much scrutiny and disapproval that we just choose to stop giving access. Whether it is to people or things, we stop giving access to avoid conflict, pain, sorrow, etc. Hey, we even try to do things on our own thinking that it would be for the best. but more often than not, it could be the biggest mistake we could make; because the reality is that we need each other. For example to be born, we need a mother’s womb. To learn how to talk, we need someone to teach us. So what makes us think that every other areas in our lives and every other processes that we live should not have someone of support and help? When things seem rough and hopeless or even if they are good and joyful, we need someone to share these experiences with. We need to give access. Now don’t get me wrong, its definitely not easy but who says its impossible? Today I write this post not because I'm trying to prove a point, but to extend a helping hand to whoever has stopped giving access because of past experiences or current situations. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I really hope that this page can become a safe haven for you to express your problems, your frustrations and your accomplishments. No judgement zone, just love.