[Un-dead Pot-head]

really hate that i've low-key pavlov'd myself into being horny anytime i get upset and am alone (self-soothing stress response -> 'well if im alone..' -> behavioral training via repetition) because this means when im alone and having like, trauma-recall, it's also laced with fucking arousal so literally i just be cryin and flickin my bean for hours sometimes and my hubby comes in like 'babypie wassup with this hot mess' and im like 'the staff of the local skating rink treated me with more kindness than my family or the system ever have! i really want a pickle pop and to cha-cha slide!' as im like, blubbering and cumming? and he just has to like...go to the fridge and get me a pickle and rub my back while i eat it and we watch antique tool restoration videos on youtube? Like..thats just a thing. that happens. like 4x a week at least. the intersections of intimacy and trauma recovery are very odd.