Totus Tuus Mariae

Act of Reparation to the Sacred Heart

The Seine - Evening, Henry Ossawa Tanner

(Please note: I’m addressing women in this post NOT because I think modesty only applies to women, but because I am a woman — therefore, it’s easier for me to address my mostly female audience. I believe men should be modest and exercise self-control as well. However, I will leave it to men wiser than I to address that particular audience.)

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to discuss the general topic of modesty again. In thispost I spoke about the misconceptions of modesty, and in this post my dear friend Tim wrote a letter to encourage women to continue practicing modesty. Both of those posts were written primarily for Christian women. This time around, I want to expand the scope of the discussion and share several reasons why I think modesty is important and relevant to ALL women, regardless of their faiths and religious affiliations.

1) Modesty is Empowering.

It is such as shame that modesty has turned into lists of rules and standards that all women are expected to follow. When we boil modesty down to black-and-white rules, we lose a core message: modesty is a choice, but it is a powerful one! Think about it. What is more empowering than saying, my body is so precious and sacred that only ONE man — the man who promises to love me unconditionally for the rest of his life — will get to see and experience this body in all its glory?

Choosing modesty is a declaration of our dignity and value and that we can make every single day — and it requires a deep understanding that our bodies are valuable, but out minds and souls are even more valuable. We do ourselves a great disservice when we wear clothes that cheapen our value and detract from our internal beauty.

2) Modesty Requires Humility.

Another aspect of modesty that has been lost in our emphasis on rules is that modesty encompasses much more than conservative dress. Modesty is an exercise in humility — the acknowledgment that respecting others (and for Christians, respecting The Lord) is more important than fulfilling our own desires. And if we are honest with ourselves, we will acknowledge that we yearn for that kind of humility in the self-obsessed, me-first, selfie-overload kind of culture we live in.

3) What You Wear Speaks Volumes about Who You Are and What You Value

‘’Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.” – Rachel Zoe

Rachel Zoe may not be known be known for her modest style, but she makes a great point, which leads to some questions worth considering:

Does your choice of attire reflect the respect and honor you seek? Or does it show that, deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of respect, so you dress to get cheap attention instead?

Does your style indicate that you are only concerned with what YOU want and lack respect for others?

For Christian women, does your dress reflect your commitment to pursuing godliness while not neglecting the beauty God has given you? More importantly, are you motivated to dress modestly because you feel you HAVE to (because someone dictated a list of rules to you), or because you have a deep desire to honor God and His holy standards in every facet of your life, including your dress.

The point is this: We should consider the messages we send with our attire and make sure they are aligned with our values and beliefs. Like it or not, people are visual creatures, and they will make judgments based on appearance until they get to know us. So we do well to make intentional choices with our clothing.

4) We All Have Fathers, Brothers, Boyfriends, and Husbands.

If a woman claims to dress modestly out of respect for men, she will likely become the recipient of viral backlash (just ask one of my favorite bloggers, Phylicia Delta). Yet I wonder how differently we would dress if we got more personal. What if we asked ourselves from time to time: Would I want my father, brother, boyfriend, or husband looking at another woman in this kind of clothing? Because that’s exactly what happens when we step out in revealing clothing. Someone’s father, brother, whatever is getting a sneak peak of the most precious parts of our bodies. Some men will respond responsibly and avert their eyes; others will happily engage in the visual feast we provide. Sure, we can’t control how men will respond, but we are absolutely in control of how much of our bodies we display. With this in mind, is it really so unthinkable to be more considerate of our fathers, brothers, boyfriends, and husbands?

5) Modest Dress is Classy.

Think of style icons from the 50s. Katharine Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn. Grace Kelly. Those women were known for their impeccable, graceful sense of style that left plenty to the imagination. They understood that there is great beauty in the mystery of femininity. So they were careful not to take away from the beauty of that mystery by revealing it through sexy attire (or lack thereof).

Modesty isn’t about rules, and condemning women who break those rules. Modesty is about love, respect, and humility — three things ALL women should treasure.