defective.

i wish i were nice

why does this happen all the time smh

i can't shake the feeling that perhaps no one really loves me

no matter what i am defective. and it will not stop me from living. i will live. i will give my middle finger to the fuckwads that put me here. i will not go down without a fight. but it's just. so fucking lonely. im so lonely. no one knows who i am and im so angry at the one person that does. ugh. ughh i just. fuck

i hate there is a part of me that wishes i could be a good human being. but im sure that's just the lingering parts of the person whose body this was supposed to be. which i stole. when i was trapped here .ugh. i haven't used this blog in a while i feel so fucking horrible

im tired of having to be a useful human being in order to have value around here. can i just kill myself

i hate all you fucking people that have the time and money to do all the shit you want. no matter how hard i try i just rot here and the only thing im good at is hurting people and getting angry over nothing and ruining lives

everyone hates me and doesn't want to talk to me idk why idk what i did wrong

im so bad at existing i should die

im so tired of not being allowed to be happy. happiness is complacency, and complacency guarantees that you're going to let everyone down. after all the suffering they endured to get you this far, you're going to squander it like a stupid, ungrateful brat for what? happiness? can you survive on happiness? will it feed you? clothe you? shelter you? is being happy worth knowing that no matter what, you chose to back down? you chose to let go, despite everyone else's hopes riding solely on you. you let yourself fall into uselessness all on your own. how does it feel? are you happy?