Toodles

I need help

You brought toxicity to my life like it wasn't toxic enough. Everytime I tried to detox you forced me to stay.

I remember the first time he hit me. I thought oh it's nothing. I let it go. The second time I let it slide again. The third time I started to get uncomfortable. The fourth time I knew I was unhappy. I knew my view of him already changed. I knew I didn't love him anymore. Then followed the fifth, sixth, seventh, and so on time. I've already lost track.

It's ironic because I call the suicide prevention line and it's been 15 minutes and I still haven't been connected to someone. So it's a sign.

How can you be sad to lose something you never wanted anyway

I deserve to die as slow as I'm dying. I deserve to feel every little bit of pain that enters my body.

For the past 5 something, maybe longer, years, I've never felt more alone. There's no name that pops up in my head as a go to when things are going wrong. Because those who I thought I had relied on in the past, only showed to be let downs. They said "come to me whenever you need me. I'll always be there." Always was really never.

How many times do you have to tell someone you don't want to be with them, until they finally here you. And stop forcing you to be with them.