Bright and Shining

You know skinny jeans are gonna go out of style eventually but we’re gonna keep wearing them. They’re gonna become mum jeans. Parent style. People are gonna be like “oh my god dad your jeans are so tight it’s so embarrassing please put something else on” and you’re gonna be like “oh yes because those flappy impractical things are so much better” and you will feel superior but really you will be Uncool. You will be Uncool and you won’t see it, just like your parents. This is your fate. 

the first bath bomb in history was tea in the harbor.

Do you ever start telling your parents a funny story but then you remember what happened was illegal

Am I wet? Am I on my period? Did I pee my pants?- next on wtf is going on down there.

I’m so glad this is a universal wondering among vagina-owners

Sometimes I wonder whether I have any real intelligence or if I just have enough random bits of surface knowledge to bullshit my way through most things.

Questions to ask yourself before you leave the house

Imagine a standard history textbook having to explain who Seth Rogen and James Franco are

i think everyone thinks about becoming a prostitute at one point in their life

6th grade was a hard time for me

making out is one of the most underrated things in the world of sex like one of the best feelings on earth is tongue on tongue, biting each other’s lips and pressing your bodies together and grinding your hips into each other while your breathing mixes and making out is just so ugh god

”you have already seen that band so you don’t need to go to their concert again” no u don’t understand