honestly... I didn't hate this pictures my body kinda looks ok (you can even see some bones) 🥳🥳
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@letisback
honestly... I didn't hate this pictures my body kinda looks ok (you can even see some bones) 🥳🥳

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but I do have this weird feeling that when my mom passes, I would end my life after
that scares the hell out of me but idk I always felt like that would be how I will eventually die
I don't really think of myself as suicidal bc I would never actually do it
but the reason is bc my family would go crazy and I don't want to give them the satisfaction
im feeling really dizzy right now
coming back to @n@ has made me so much happier and motivated
yeah im sad about my body but i already was before
now i have something to look forward to, something that is actually in my control

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from my pilates class this week
(I'm the one with the green shirt)
my brain just won't shut up I'm tiredd
I can believe I'm 20 and still dealing with ed shit like I can't imagine myself with 30 or 40 years and still behaving like this I can't
Do you guys think it's "wrong" that a close friend of yours is also friends with someone you don't like?
but these past few days, I've been feeling weaker and weaker
no energy to work out, but I'm still doing it bc I feel good about myself after
but the other day, it's the same thing. I'm in a loop

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AND LET US TALK ABOUT WHAT IM FEELING PHYSICALLY
it's been like years since I've had my ed effecting my body
I can fool others, and they think I'm healthy, and I'm not feeling anything when I'm actually not ok at all
I focused on what I felt towards my body so that I couldn't think of other things, but I don't have the energy to do this right now and it's killing me
I think (pretty sure) I'm at the worst time right now. mentally and physically
I feel so sad and angry all the time (family stuff) I miss my mom so much
I'm eating less and less, so I think that I feel "weak" mentally bc of that (which is ironic)
BUT LIKE
IM ALWAYS FEELING SHITTY ABOUT MYSELF
but it's not just about my body anymore
im tired of people asking if I ate, so I'm just gonna say I didn't and watch people freak 😁
big ed mukang asmr is so disgusting I may never eat again

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I think I'm gonna buy strapless shirts from now on , I kinda like the way I look thats an interesting feeling
my inner monologue