Here's Your Letter

I’m really sad, it’s 330 am and no one gives a shit. I hate how much I care about people who don’t care about me.

I still don't know what I did to make you so angry. It's been years since we spoke. I really wish I knew what I really did to make you hate me so much. What I could have done to cause you to become as bitter as you are/were towards me. I know I hit on your friend when I was drunk. I was drunk and in a failing relationship, I'm not saying I was right but I didn't touch her or kiss her even. You told me I was a bad person, that I made your friends uncomfortable. I reached out to them individually and apologized for my behavior. None of them said they were uncomfortable but accepted my apology. But you couldn't. You're the reason I found out what transgender is. You're the reason I understood what was wrong with me, or part of my problem. I've been on t for over a year now. I've had too surgery and I feel better about me. You had a part in that. Thank you for that.

You cheated on me with my best friend. You took my money and went on vacation with your friends and fucked my best friend. You lied about your friends knowing we were together. You knew I walked away from someone who genuinely cared for me to give it a shot with you. I still feel bad about choosing you over her. I still wonder what I could have been. Where I'd be in life. Now you're dead. I should have forgiven you. You didn't know what you wanted you were barely 21. You just wanted to have fun in college. I'm sorry I never gave you the forgiveness you asked for. I'm sorry I held on to those negative feelings for so long. You deserved that peace. Now I'll never be able to give that to you. I'm sure you never thought about it anymore. You were married and happy with him. I was happy for you. I wish I would have told you. Sincerely, Rest In Peace.

You seriously lied about having a miscarriage. You wrote a letter to an unborn child you never even conceived. This is the part that messes me up the most. I second guess everything you ever said to me. I'm physically disgusted by you. Don't call it fucking with your life because you can't get money out of you dad for your over withdrawn account. I had to know the truth. You told me your mom sold your body at ten years old. Why would you make that up? Why would you say something like that? That really happens to people. All I ever wanted to do was help you. I wanted to make your life easier and we can handle the stress together. But you could never be happy with what I did for you. You were so happy being miserable that you tried to force me to do that too. It blows my mind you still talk about me, still spread lies about me. Find peace. Fix yourself. I won't be apart of you anymore.

Testing