𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔.

[ 📱 ] : i keep thinking maybe i shouldn’t have ended it. i got scared when stuff like buying houses came up but now being alone again feels fucking weird. and i don’t know, i guess part of me thought i was past this.

[ 📱 ] : anyway. ignore me. just spiraling. you still wanna grab food later?

[ 5 minutes later ]

[ 📱 ] : i keep thinking maybe i shouldn’t have ended it. i got scared when stuff like buying houses came up but now being alone again feels fucking weird. and i don’t know, i guess part of me thought i was past this.

[ 📱 ] : anyway. ignore me. just spiraling. you still wanna grab food later?

[ 5 minutes later ]

[ sms ] — i have so much shit to say and the urge to tell you everything, but i can't. it would be selfish of me to do it now. especially since it's been four years. it'd probably make you hate me even more. i don't blame you. i would hate myself, too. i'm sorry for everything. [ deleted. ]

[ 📱 ] : i keep thinking maybe i shouldn’t have ended it. i got scared when stuff like buying houses came up but now being alone again feels fucking weird. and i don’t know, i guess part of me thought i was past this.

[ 📱 ] : anyway. ignore me. just spiraling. you still wanna grab food later?

[ 5 minutes later ]

[ sms ] — i don't blame you.

[ sms ] — i left because you were gone half the time. you were doing shows, going to school, and i was happy for you but i wasn't myself. plus, i felt like you didn't want to deal with me anymore. so that's why i did it. [ deleted. ]

[ sms ] — not only that but you know my track record in relationships wasn't good back when we met. i was with someone who thought loved me but didn't. it was a constant battle after we got divorced. i felt like an afterthought if i'm being honest. i know you're a workaholic but ... idk i still feel like everything's my fault. [ deleted. ]

[ 📱 ] : i keep thinking maybe i shouldn’t have ended it. i got scared when stuff like buying houses came up but now being alone again feels fucking weird. and i don’t know, i guess part of me thought i was past this.

[ 📱 ] : anyway. ignore me. just spiraling. you still wanna grab food later?

[ 5 minutes later ]

[ sms ] — you can start any point. there's no rush.

[ 📱 ] : i keep thinking maybe i shouldn’t have ended it. i got scared when stuff like buying houses came up but now being alone again feels fucking weird. and i don’t know, i guess part of me thought i was past this.

[ 📱 ] : anyway. ignore me. just spiraling. you still wanna grab food later?

[ 5 minutes later ]

[ sms ] — stop apologizing. it's not your fault. blame my phone number for being kinda the same as josh's. sorry, i was trying to lighten the mood up. this is gonna sound stupid but not really. you know you can talk to me about whatever is bothering you. i don't mind listening.

[ sms ] — it has been! stressful but good, i suppose. being a gear designer is not for the weak. i had to take five redbulls to make someone look like cinderella.

[ 📱 ] : i keep thinking maybe i shouldn’t have ended it. i got scared when stuff like buying houses came up but now being alone again feels fucking weird. and i don’t know, i guess part of me thought i was past this.

[ 📱 ] : anyway. ignore me. just spiraling. you still wanna grab food later?

[ 5 minutes later ]

[ sms ] — i didn't know that i was still in your favorite contacts. if i'm being honest, i thought you blocked me.