Water Your Plants, Be Kind To Yourself

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

NYT connections shpuld have an "I YIELD!" button that auto-fails you upon being clicked and plays a little 16 bit animation of a guy kneeling in front of an executioner and closing his eyes as the axe falls

99% of fanfiction is absolute dogshit bathwater and that’s beautiful, I love that, I love that the barrier for entry is nonexistent, I love that anyone can do it, I love all the badly written porn, I love that it’s just creation for creation’s sake, I love it. Except when it’s something I’m into. When it’s something I’m into, then I’m gonna need everyone to step it up.

about to embark on my plum journey whilst wearing a white shirt.. wish me luck

didn't realize this post got any notes because you know what i'm also not checking? my activity feed.

i love the power of the 🫵 emoji. yes you

jellyfish lifecycles piss me off a little bit

after 2 years working outdoors all day i finally got stung by an onion for the first time yesterday and i wasnt even doing anything there wasnt even a nest nearby

a wasp. i was looking at a onion just now sorry

I love it when media fucks up the wording of the Rasputin disclaimer and ends up with shit like "any resemblance to people or locations living or dead is coincidental". I'd love to know what committing libel against a dead location would entail.

Fuck the Fiesta Mall in Mesa, AZ. I heard it ate someone once.

this sea sucks shit. it doesnt even have any scrolls im sure

Ra Ra Rasputin Life adapted to the screen But doing so they slandered a prince Ra Ra Rasputin Felix hatched a legal scheme And MGM was thoroughly rinsed