Lesbian Love

Hi there,

I have stated before that I do not label myself as a lesbian/straight/bisexual. I have only ever dated males, but have always found myself interested in females from a young age. Granted, I haven't found a female that I am interesting enough to actually act upon those feelings.

So, I guess to answer your question, no. I am not a "Gold Star Lesbian".

Hello there,

First, I want you to be more excited about going on a date with someone you actually like! That is very exciting!

Second, I want you to breathe! It sounds like you are really stressed out and that you might be over thinking some of these aspects.

When it comes to dating, liking someone and becoming physically/emotionally/sexually attracted to others I believe that anxiety plays a massive part in figuring out how you want to handle each individual situation. I always believe that having a little bit of anxiety before, during and/or after a date can help me know that I like the person more than I had thought beforehand. Granted, if I am anxious the entire time and that anxiousness turns into me being uncomfortable, then I know that I am not interested. Also, if there is no anxiety at all, that lets me know that I am not excited enough about anything to potentially happen. Although, if you are stressed out over everything or focusing on one or a few things, then you might want to talk to them in order to help relieve some of these overactive nerves you are having.

I do want to acknowledge the fact that you mention how you are not 100% comfortable with your own sexuality. With this, I would suggest looking more into this before trying to place yourself into a sexual identification box. I am a firm believer in the idea that you can not love or show someone that you love them without understanding and knowing how to love yourself (both sexually and not sexually). It is okay that you might not be completely comfortable with your sexuality just yet. Everyone discovers and later becomes comfortable with their own sexuality at different times from everyone else in the world. There is no need to rush into it.

I will say, if you like the girl you went on a date with, but were uncomfortable or just didn’t like the actual act of kissing her, I would look more into that. I would suggest thinking about the entire date again. Almost like rewind, and hit play (from the beginning). See where all the anxiety started, what made it tightened at certain times and what was going on; before, during, and after.

I do want to say that just because you had a negative reaction to your first kiss doesn’t mean you are or aren’t a lesbian. It just means that you are discovering more and more about yourself, learning about what you do and don't like. Remember that every opportunity is a learning opportunity, either about yourself, someone else, or the world around you.

I really do hope this has helped you. Definitely let me know if you need any more advice or just want to chit chat more about this down the road.

Hello there,I can definitely give you my thoughts, opinions and personal experiences on this topic. With that, usually, some advice comes up. :)

I will admit that this does sound like a conundrum. I will start with a small personal story;

About two weeks before my senior year of college started I found myself being attracted to a woman who was new to my work. People always expected and assumed that I was straight, but honestly, I believe that sexuality is on a spectrum. This woman was the first women who would make me feel; nervous, excited, clumsy, sweaty and wanting to be around her all at the same time. The same emotional and physical feelings I would get when I was attracted to a man. Nothing really came about between this woman and me, but going through the emotional roller coaster helped me to realize a lot about myself and thought me that I can’t put myself or identify myself in one identifying box.Also, I have recently met a woman who considered herself to be straight her entire life but ended up getting married to a woman. She mentioned to me that when she met Jax (her wife) it was almost an immediate attraction, she knew that she didn’t want to be with anyone else.

I am telling you these two different stories because it really can go in either way. Unfortunately, when it comes to individuals sexual identity, I am a strong believer (even before my major epiphany about myself) in the idea that no one is ever fully anything. So trying to give someone else a label, especially a label as harsh and as direct as “straight” could be the one thing that is clouding your judgment.

If you like, another way to look at it is;(granted, I don’t know how old you are), but you probably have a long life ahead of you. Take chances, experience life for all it is worth, allow yourself to make mistakes and take those opportunities that might worry you a little bit.

*This is not me promoting or telling you/anyone to try or experience any illegal activities.

I hope this has been able to help you in some way? I feel like I just rambled for some time. Definitely let me know if you would like me to further expand on this topic and go further in-depth.

Good luck with everything with your friend!-Lesbian-Questions

Hello,When it comes to porn, it doesn’t have as much of an indication for ones sexuality. People tend to watch porn because; they are horny for that moment and need a way to release, they want to see a fantasy of sex that (to them) is unattainable and slightly makes them uncomfortable, or because they want to see other ways people are having sex and want to learn new and different sex positions and activities.

So, when it comes to how you identify your sexuality, I wouldn’t base it on the type of porn you watch. Although you are interested in watching gay porn, it doesn’t mean you want to be sexual with a man. I believe it all depends on how you feel in your everyday life and not during a few moments of feeling horny.

Hello there,Unfortunitly when it comes to eating a girl out, I might not be the perfect person to ask (not something I have ever done before). So,  hold on tight, I will try to give my best advice with this.

When it comes to eating a girl out, I would think that it is nothing like giving a blow job. To me, it seems like it would be extremely hard to try and practice? I am unaware of anything around the house or a product  for sale that would simulate a vagina... unless you are interested in buying one of those silicone vaginas from a sex toy website?

To me, the only real accurate practice one can get is from simply just doing the real activity. If you are interested in eating out the girl you are talking with, hopefully you have talked with her about how you don’t have a lot of experience. If you have not talked with her about that, or feel that you are uncomfortable letting her know this information, just remember that everyone starts off doing everything with little to no experience.

If you are really worried about your performance, I would recommend watching some girl on girl porn and focus specifically on how one girl is going down on another. Also, as simple and as old as this method is, I highly recommend masturbation. It will not only tell you what and where you like to be touched, but it will give you an idea of what and where you should touch the girl you are talking to. Also, start off fingering the girl you are talking to. If you are not confident in your eating out abilities, finger her to get a better understanding of where she likes to be touched, than try it out with your tongue.

Hi!

I am a firm believer that labels are obsolete when it comes to human identification. If you prefer to present yourself as androgynous, that is completely your choice. The same can be said for your sexual identification, if you are more attracted to females, then that is your choice. It doesn’t not matter the label that is given to that attraction or gender specific presenting person. All in all, you do not need anyone’s approval of how you can or cannot label yourself. It all matters how you identify yourself and what you want to put out into the world.

Hello,

It sounds like this girl you are talking to isn’t ready to communicate about her feelings about other girls. The worst thing someone could do is force someone to talk about their sexuality when they are not ready. I personally would recommend holding off any further conversations with this girl about your or her sexuality. If you are seriously interested in them, you want them to feel comfortable around you (generally all of the time). Find other things to talk about that don’t have to deal with either of your sexualities. Find an activity that you both enjoy, maybe a concert you both can go to? Be a friend to her and show her that you are there for here and not only focused about being with her.

Hello there,

Don’t even worry about it, I understand what you are trying to tell me. I think a lot of people could relate to being scared, nervous or worried about trying something new and putting themselves out there (especially when it comes to expressing potential feelings for someone else).

My advice to you would be that eventually, you are going to have to put yourself out there and allow yourself to make some mistakes. I mean, that is why so many people have those “horror stories” (by horror, I mean silly or embarrassing, not dangerous or violent stories). No one comes out of the womb knowing exactly what they want all the time. As humans, we have to experience things, try things out, test out the situation. Then we can make the appropriate decisions on if we like them (and want to pursue it) or not like it (and stay clear of it).

You say that you already know that you aren’t interested/attracted to men, what are some interactions, conversations or feelings that have come up that let you know that you are not straight or interested in them? These can help you to learn more about yourself and how to react and interact in different situations. Intern, really try to think about what you are thinking about girls. You state that you have never been with a girl and therefore you are unsure if you like them. Ask yourself, did you have to be with a boy to understand that you were uninterested in them?

Also, as humans, we are prone to embarrassing ourselves constantly for the silliest things. I have noticed that, for myself, I am more myself when I am slightly embarrassing myself at times. Usually, if I am embarrassing myself, it can sometimes tell me that I like the person I am around or I am nervous around the person. If you really want to know yourself better and find out if you like girls, the best way to do that is to be with a girl and be 100% upfront with them about how you are feeling. Let them know that they are your first, you don’t have to make any long term commitments, but you do have to be upfront with them about your intentions or even lack of intentions with them. Be completely transparent with them.

In conclusion,So many people ask me about how they can know if they are 100% gay.The answer is… there is no 100% anything when it comes to sexuality, it is all on a spectrum. For example, when I started this blog three years ago (August of 2015) I had claimed for years that I was straight (never 100%), but in the back of my mind, I always told myself 100%. It wasn’t until the middle of August 2017 that I met a girl who made me do a lot of rethinking about what I deemed as my own definition of my sexuality, and from there I realized that I have to also put myself onto that spectrum.

I hear what you are saying,

When it comes to figuring out what we all want in life for ourselves, it can become incredibly sticky and strange to us in our heads. It is understandable that you are confused about how you are feeling when it comes to love and what it means, how to express, how to feel about it and once expressing it what one should do about it. What I have come to find out is that; if I know that I have feelings for someone, or even if I think I might have feelings for someone, the best thing for me to do is to talk about my feelings to someone. Usually, I like to talk to the person I am crushing on. This way, there is no turning back from it, they know how I feel, I know how I feel and usually by the end of the conversation I am able to wrap my head around all the information that I have given to them.

Now, if you are like me, I tend to ramble… a lot. I tend to talk and talk and talk and by the end of the conversation I can’t remember 85% of what I all said, so it all becomes a kind of like a “Silent Hill” daze for me.

If the direct approach is not really your style, I recommend talking to a friend, relative or if need be a stranger on the internet who isn’t going to judge you (I am here if you need my ears). All in all, I do believe that everyone needs someone to talk to who can wait, listen and be there to say things back to them that isn’t going to hurt there thought process.

First thing, you are not wrong to want sex and to want to be pleasured by someone that you want to be sexually involved with. It is incredibly wonderful of you for wanting to please someone who you find sexually attractive. Although, you shouldn’t be the only one giving in a relationship. If it is apparent that you are the only one pleasing her (when it comes to sex) and she doesn’t want to reciprocate and or make you feel bad about wanting to be sexually pleased, I would definitely recommend taking a look at your relationship and thinking about if this is one that you want to continue in.

I understand that sex in a relationship is not everything, but communication in a relationship should be a big thing. If you feel that when you try to talk with your girlfriend about this topic and you are getting shut down or made to feel unimportant or less than, that is a communication problem that should/needs to be looked at better.

I hope that this can help you, if you need more in depth clarification please don’t hesitate to ask. Although it might take me a while to respond to everyone, I will answer every question to the best of my ability.

It really sounds like you are interested/attracted to both men and women. There is no need to limit yourself to being labeled as a “lesbian” is you find yourself interested in men and women. If you really want to know more about these feelings of yours to women, go forth and see if there is something more there. Put yourself out there and you might just surprise yourself.