i think it is unjust to deny a child their right to dig a hole motivelessly

when i was 12 i was out there with a shovel for no reason

Diagnosed with Joe Biden Disorder

i’m looking for a romantic way to say i hope you think about me when you masturbate sometimes

In the deepest, calmest hours of the night when you have naught but your own company, I hope my image fills you with bliss.

Wow.

wtf that sounds like something a 90 year old barn owl would say. if someone said that to me i would never masturbate again for the rest of my life

but watch out

it is critical that children across the United States are given a steady diet of pervert literature through compulsory education to guide their moral development, lest they fall into the insidious and spiritually-ruinous trap of Disney Adulthood

frankly the Buddhists are smoking the rest of the world’s major religions in the whole “insanely giant statue” category

self check out machine in a grocery store that makes you select if you want a male, female, or non-binary voice before you begin your transaction. you’re perplexed by the non-binary voice option so you click it & snoop dogg starts talking

Gordon Ramsey finds tile smeared with doodoo on kitchen nightmares

he’s the worst man ever invented but of course, his breasts are sublime

everyone who put a real non-fictional human man in the tags is going to prison except for the person who said william shatner