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having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

Waking up from a nap and still having a headache is so unfair. You were supposed to save me.

You gotta be really publicly passionate about things if you want your friends to text you. Bc people will forget to text you because they’re human. But if you’re really openly the friend who loves identifying ants your friends will think of you when they see ants. And they’ll text you “what ant is this [blurry photo]”. And then they’ll ask you how you’ve been and we should get coffee sometime. But if they don’t know what you love they’ll never know what you like

And then when the ant convention is in town they’ll be like dude… we should go to the ant convention. But they would never think to go if they didn’t know u loved ants

And sometimes you need to ask them to go to the ant convention. But you Will not get anywhere hiding your passions

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

there came a moment in my youth when I was preparing to #lie to someone and was stressing out about them not believing it and getting mad at me because I knew I was going to look shifty the whole time, but then it occurred to me that I knew all my tells because they were things that momentarily made my anxiety go down (turning my body away from them a little, looking at the floor, using excessive filler words, over-explaining, etc.), and since I could feel what they all were I could just. not do them. and suddenly it felt like I had stopped existing as a single unified being with my feelings and body inherently interconnected and instead was able to use my body like a very sophisticated tool that responds to precise instructions and only does what I actively tell it to. which made me very good at lying and garnered me a few student acting awards, but also led to some other problems of various natures further down the line. alas.

a side effect of this is that every so often, when someone around me is upset to the point of tears and I'm trying to help them, I'll get a sudden violent pang of envy that they're even capable of doing that at all. they don't have to go through the endless drop down menus of "am I feeling something?" -> "what am I feeling?" -> "how would I express it?" -> "would now be the right time and place to express it?" -> "now? do I do it now? right here right now? what happens if 'the person who never cries' bursts into tears?", it just happens for them all at once, no middlemen. expressing a real emotion often feels exactly the same as lying because I have to put exactly the same amount of active effort into both of them, and sometimes all the little choices that go into Looking Upset make it feel like a whole production, like an artificial performance, so I mostly never do it. which, though I would never let this come out of my mouth because I'm aware that it's wildly unfair, also sometimes turns up in my most uncharitable thoughts when other people are upset. a little "cmon mate, this is a bit much," at the back of my head. "I don't ever do this, so why don't you put in the same effort?"

T shirt that says “I ❤️ getting laid” & then on the back it says “to REST” with a photo of a coffin + the name & phone number for a local cemetery. Please follow for more advertising ideas

Girl said she’d let me see her DDs but when I got to her house she just had her shirt off and she didn’t even have a ps2 let alone a copy of digital devil saga. Waste of my damn time

saying “children are an oppressed class” is objectively true but also no one fucking believes you. especially if you yourself are a child. which is funny because that’s like textbook oppression

parents are allowed to straight-up torture their kids with zero consequences. they can withhold food and water, lock you out of shelter, confiscate your belongings, bar you from human contact, attack and harm you and exert complete control over your physical appearance. and this is just the norm. if you speak out against it you're seen as a delinquent or a predator. even otherwise progressive people get uncomfortable with the idea of dismantling the nuclear family unit because they still see it as the best way to keep kids safe when that simply couldn't be further from the truth. it's evil.

CHILDREN DESERVE RIGHTS!!

Reblog if you are a human rights extremist who believes that all humans are equal and has no sense of loyalty to nation states.