Ask Billy Blauter

“What the hell is that?” Rowan asked in both confusion and slight fear at the thing Albert was holding in his hand. “I found it” Albert said flatly. “What do you mean you found it?” Rowan faltered “You can’t just find something like that!”. The object in Albert’s hand was like a hybrid between a honeydew melon, a bilberry, and a ghost pepper. Just looking at it made Rowan’s stomach quiver - but the smell was worse. The smell was so strong and confusing that it made his head spin. And what confused Rowan the most was where the fuck did his brother manage to find this monstrosity, blind or not. Was it even edible?

“What do you think we should do with this?” Albert asked casually. “Do with it!?” Rowan stammered “You don’t even know if it’s poisonous or not!”.

“Well…I didn’t die after I licked it, so I guess it isn’t that bad”

“You licked it!?”

“What else I’m I supposed to do? I can’t exactly observe it with my eyes”

“Just because you can’t use your eyes doesn’t mean that you should use your fucking tounge to investigate the thing!”

“It’s a food. I have taste buds. And I’m still standing. What other proof do you want?”

Rowan noticed a tiny fly buzzing near the horrendous fruit. And the moment the insect landed on it, the bug curled up and fell dead on the ground. That was enough to confirm Rowan’s hesitation. “I’m not fucking eating that” he said with light disgust. Albert just shrugged “suit yourself” he said, turning around to walk away. But didn’t realize that he was standing near the edge of one of the steps of the stairs, momentarily losing his footing. But he managed to quickly recover - but the strange fruit wasn’t so lucky. Landing on the ground with a loud and thick THUD, exploding in every direction like it had a tiny bomb inside. The blue guts of it spreading out like a broken paint can. “Well shit” Albert said flatly - Rowan slapping himself in the face.