request denied

❛ you feel like home to me. ❜

‘  who knows their own address?  ’ ‘  are we feminists? is this feminism?  ’ ‘  i’m not a sidekick! i’m beyonce, not kelly rowland.  ’ ‘  your cockaholism may just be about the least important thing in the world to me right now.  ’ ‘  i wouldn’t call 10 a.m. ‘really early’.  ’ ‘  cool! let’s add cocaine to the butt stuff.  ’ ‘  you can’t leave! i love you!  ’ ‘  do you even know what love means?  ’ ‘  now go make me some bagel bites.  ’ ‘  love isn’t about having somebody get you things. love is putting someone else’s feelings above your own. do you think you could ever do that? honestly?  ’ ‘  do i look like a fitbit? i don’t give a shit about your sleep.  ’ ‘  why are you yelling at me? what are you doing in my house?  ’ ‘  i need you to act like a human person and pick up your damn phone when i call your skank ass!  ’ ‘  you know, after i cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.  ’ ‘  did you wear your booby shirt?  ’ ‘  if i don’t get a night off soon, i think my liver is gonna slide out of my body.  ’ ‘  i’m peeing blood and i briefly forgot the word for telephone.  ’ ‘  you’re right. she’s gonna hate me.  ’ ‘  you think i’m an unfriendly treacherous mountain?  ’ ‘  we’re adults! we can do this ourselves.  ’ ‘  you’re losing your hair.  ’ ‘  practicing what? dying alone?  ’ ‘  i told the spice girls i was dying in order to get free concert tickets.  ’ ‘  i learned blue balls were a myth when i was 12.  ’ ‘  i’m not much of a cleaner.  ’ ‘  you’re not much of a human!  ’ ‘  did you slither out of your mothers cooch yesterday?  ’ ‘  i can’t believe i finally made a new friend and i tried to bang her the first time we hung out.  ’ ‘  no offense, but you’re kind of making my skin crawl.  ’ ‘  i’m not comfortable about feelings.  ’ ‘  aren’t we lucky we’re both in professions where we can day drink?  ’ ‘  i’m glad this is a one-night thing so we can reveal all this awful shit about ourselves.  ’ ‘  what do you mean you watch tv on your computer?  ’ ‘  i don’t know what i’m doing here. i’m not even attracted to you.  ’ ‘  you two are poison people. this is gonna end so badly.  ’ ‘  if you wanna go, just go.  ’ ‘  why can’t you just let this be over?  ’ ‘  you and i, we’re inevitable.  ’ ‘  move in with me.  ’ ‘  i just humiliated myself by accepting your non-marriage proposal, i cannot now move in with you.  ’ ‘  you’re just doing this as a hail mary because you know you’re about to lose me for good.  ’ ‘  what i have finally realized is that the worst possible draft of my life is the one without you in it. i hate it, but you goddamn floor me.  ’ ‘  oh shit… we’re gonna do this even though we know there is only one way this ends. whether in a week or twenty years, there is horrible sadness and pain coming in and we’re inviting it.  ’ ‘  she stayed! you say she forced you, but we both know there’s not a person on this planet who’s ever had a good outcome trying to force you to do anything. she stayed and that means something whether you wanna admit it or not.  ’ ‘  i’m not doing anything… i’m crying in my car.  ’ ‘  don’t start keeping secrets now.  ’ ‘  the only thing i need from you is to not make a big deal with it and be okay with how i am and the fact that you can’t fix me.  ’ ‘  no, i’m mad at you because you think you can fix me! you can’t fix me! i don’t need to be fixed!  ’ ‘  it’s like you have amnesia. every day you think things are gonna be different.  ’ ‘  maybe you can understand this: i feel nothing.  ’ ‘  i’ll be back in a couple of days.  ’ ‘  you stayed? …you stayed!  ’ ‘  you just said ‘boyfriend.’  ’ ‘  i understand that my actions could lead you to feel a bit unwelcome and i’ll work on not being such a control freak.  ’ ‘  i’m done comparing this to what normal people do.  ’ ‘  normal people are terrible.  ’ ‘  when i look at you, i swear i can see years years into the future with you.  ’ ‘  …i love you too.  ’ ‘  i’ve just heard that you’re the worst.  ’ ‘  i tricked him into giving me back rubs, saying it made me horny.  ’ ‘  obviously, i thought it was, like, boring as shit.  ’ ‘  clearly you used to jack off to hemingway in high school.  ’ ‘  i’m an irresponsible monster who burned down her apartment with a vibrator.  ’ ‘  if there is even a remote possibility of breakfast and you don’t wake me up, i will never touch your dick again with any part of my body.  ’ ‘  jokes on you, dummy, i’m already horny.  ’ ‘  oh my god! that is so sexist and mansplain-y.  ’ ‘  if ‘i love you’ is like a promise, it’s just a promise to try real hard. doesn’t mean you can’t fail.  ’ ‘  i shit myself earlier and that is only the second most embarrassing thing that has happened to me today.  ’ ‘  you knew who i was, you don’t get to act surprised now.  ’ ‘  bam! carpe those diems!  ’ ‘  i have to gone girl myself and start over where nobody knows me.  ’ ‘  i’m going to have a baby.  ’ ‘  i just want my kids to be sad when i die.  ’ ‘  i didn’t want to kill him. i just snapped!  ’ ‘  i feel guilty because of how much he suffered… and because you stabbed him on purpose.  ’ ‘  you’re so getting murdered.  ’ ‘  i can’t tell him my brain is broken.  ’ ‘  don’t stalk me again because you suck at it.  ’ ‘  back off, bitch.  ’ ‘  don’t go.  ’ ‘  i got your back, always.  ’ ‘  you might not be useful in the radish sense, but you’re a good friend and you make people happy.  ’ ‘  when i get back, you’re going to take me to a real bar and feed me cheap whiskey until i forget about that time i stopped being able to have sex with my boyfriend ever again because he took me to a bar that only served water!  ’ ‘  so, would you say it’s a… problem-free philosophy? it’s like… no worries for the rest of your days?  ’ ‘  did you just quote the lion king to me?  ’ ‘  hey, um, so listen… i think you’re funny and cute and i’d like to take you on  a date with me for a date.  ’ ‘  why did you put a murder tour on your list?  ’ ‘  you even quit a rewards club because you couldn’t handle the commitment.  ’ ‘  wear your stains on the outsides of your clothes.  ’ ‘  see? dogs eat nachos.  ’ ‘  hey, that’s your best garbage bag. you going somewhere?  ’ ‘  i’ll be out by the time you get back. have fun, you deserve it… whoever she is.  ’ ‘  red licorice vodka?  ’ ‘  send money, loser!  ’ ‘  and you date him… willingly.  ’ ‘  my heart is a dumb dumb.  ’ ‘  i’ve always been able to flip myself back over eventually, but… i ran out of times. this is how i am now and it’s not okay with you, nor should it be.  ’ ‘  i suppose it’s good that this happened now, instead of like, ten years down the line.  ’ ‘  the world is absolutely lousy with people and i hate them all. i hate everyone but you.  ’ ‘  what the hell is wrong with us?  ’ ‘  let’s make a pact never to feel anything around each other ever again.  ’ ‘   i’ve never eaten a blueberry.  ’ ‘   i’ve always had one foot out the door. with everything. especially with us.  ’ ‘   so, you might just suddenly bounce out of here?  ’ ‘  can we just… bail?  ’ ‘  you’ve had a little too much to drink, didn’t you, buddy?  ’

Gilmore Girls — Kill Me Now (1x03).