@leahsdoodles omg this gave me feels that would NOT leave me alone until I wrote about them! đđđĽ°đĽ°
They deserved these days. That's what Sirius had to tell himself everytime he felt the guilty afterburn of a moment of happiness or peace. They had done the war. They had lost time and blood and tears that they could never get back. And for what, if not this?
He walked over to Remus, sleeping soundly with his chin tilted up slightly, as if waiting for Sirius to tuck into him. As if inviting him to spend all their moments left on this earth, even the sleeping ones- perhaps especially the sleeping ones- by his side. Holding him. Loving him.
He was forcefully taken back to that summer after 7th year. Before the war. Before hell. They would sleep in for hours, taking turns throwing pillows at James any time he dared try and wake them.
The sun would shine right on the pillow, making them squint every morning as they stirred.
"We could put up a curtain" Sirius had suggested as he watched Remus grimmace, pulling the thin sheet halfway over his face.
"Absolutely not" he muttered into the pillow.
Sirius had laughed, moving in to join him under the edge of the sheet. "Any particular reason you want to blind yourself every day?" He asked, wrapping his ankle around Remus' calf and tugging a little, closing the tiny distance between them. "Or do you have some grudge against curtains I don't know about?"
Remus smiled at that. The smile that Sirius had fallen head over heals for. The one that stretched his freckled scars a little wider on his cheeks and made his eyes shine like the moon reflected on still water.
"You look beautiful in the sunlight" He replied. "I want to wake up to that every day."
"Even if it fries your retinas?" Sirius asked, never sure how to respond to love this genuine, this intense.
They'd had many morning since then waking up alone. Waking up in the dark. Waking up in pain. Waking up... and wishing they hadn't.
The first thing Remus had done when they brought up their few small boxes to the new apartment across town was take the curtains down from the bedroom window. That was the first feeling of true hope Sirius had felt in months. Maybe years. He had barely recognized it then.
"You alright?" Remus asked in a low, sleepy tone, bringing Sirius back from his memories.
"Yea Moons" he smiled, "never better."
He crawled into bed and put his head on Remus's chest, breathing in deeply the lingering smell of the honey and lavender soap Remus had used for as long as Sirius could remember. Yes, he would enjoy this. He would bask in the sun and the moon and every moment that they shared, and he would let the pain slowly dull day by day. Because they deserved this, dammit. They fucking deserved it.
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