Traditional Male Leader

Are Women To Submit and Obey?

Sinclair Broadcasting Group, The company behind the script, is lobbying the government to take control of EVEN MORE stations. If they get their way they will have one of their stations in nearly every home in America. And the contract most of these anchors are locked into makes it pretty much impossible or at the very least very expensive and career-destroying for them to refuse to read the scripts.

I see a lot of stuff written about traditional gender roles, who we are as men and women and how those roles and responsibilities fit within a biblical marriage.  Some of it, I agree with.  A lot of it, I don’t.  This short commentary will take a look at the intended roles for male and female from a biblical perspective.  This commentary is meant to be a blessing to both husband and wife, male and female.  Let me start by saying I am not a misogynist, I do not believe women are meant to be slaves in the home.  I despise those men who abuse women - mentally, physically or spiritually.  I say all this as a prelude because some of what the Bible says may be a bit difficult for the ladies if you miss the glory in the purpose for the female.

For those of you that have a problem with God (for whatever reason), Christians in general, or if the Bible is a show stopper for you then here’s your fair warning to jump off this train.  I can’t help you with any of your problems.  I didn’t write the Bible and I definitely am not God.

So let’s start in Genesis on the sixth day of creation where God creates man.  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27 (ESV)  This passage tells us that God created man in His image.  Men bear God’s image.

It also says, “male and female He created them.”  This part of the verse does NOT say that God created female in His image, rather, it merely says God created male and female.  There is a very important reason why there is this difference between male and female.  Ladies, please bear with me.  The good part for you is coming later on.

The following verse states the purpose of the woman is as a helper to the man. Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” – Genesis 2:18 (ESV)  

The concept is supported by the Apostle Paul: “3But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 7For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. 8For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” 1 Corinthians 11:3, 7-9 (ESV)

The above verses also give us some understanding of the glory of the woman.  Verse three tells us the ‘head’ or authority of man is Christ, the authority of a wife is her husband and the authority of Christ is God.  Let me reiterate that the husband is the head of the household, not the wife.  This concept is supported in the following very well know verses.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”  Ephesians 5:22-24 (ESV)

And also: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and [a] respectful behavior.”  1 Peter 3:1-2 (ESV)

Are women to be doormats? The commentator Matthew Henry says about Eve: “This companion was taken from his side to signify that she was to be dear unto him as his own flesh. Not from his head, lest she should rule over him; nor from his feet, lest he should tyrannize over her; but from his side, to denote that species of equality which is to subsist in the marriage state.” And again, “That wife that is of God’s making by special grace, and of God’s bringing by special providence, is likely to prove a helpmeet to her husband.”

Peter says wives are to be honored! “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”  1 Peter 3:7

Are women without value?  Of course not!  Scriptures tell us that a virtuous woman is her husband’s crown: “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”  Proverbs 12:4 (ESV)

Proverbs also tells us that a virtuous woman is worth more than rubies: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”  Proverbs 31:10 (ESV)

Are husbands allowed to mistreat their wives.  The answer is an emphatic, “No!!”  On the contrary, the Bible has this command for husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

The love referred to above is a sacrificial love.  Christ sacrificed His live for mankind.  Men are commanded to love their wives with this same sacrificial love.

In the above verse is another hint as to the glory of women.  Ephesians goes on to say: “26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body.”  Ephesians 5:26-30

Marriage between a man and woman is a picture of the Covenant God made with Abraham.  Genesis tells of humanity’s tragic fall into sin and death, and of God’s unfolding plan of redemption through His Covenant with Abraham and his descendants.

1When Abram was ninety-nine years old the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him, “I am God Almighty; walk before me, and be blameless, 2that I may make my covenant between me and you, and may multiply you greatly.” 3Then Abram fell on his face. And God said to him, 4“Behold, my covenant is with you, and you shall be the father of a multitude of nations. 5No longer shall your name be called Abram, but your name shall be Abraham, for I have made you the father of a multitude of nations. 6I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make you into nations, and kings shall come from you. 7And I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you.”  Genesis 17:1-7

Marriage is a representation of God’s love for mankind and His covenant is His plan of redemption through the shed blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.  Marriage between a man and a woman is meant to be a model of the relationship between God and His people.  Marriage is also a picture of the marriage between the Messiah and his Bride, the church.  

Women represent His sanctified people in the model of marriage.  Women represent the Messiah’s Bride, the Church.  That is their glory.  Jesus is the Groom.  By embracing their husband’s authority and their role as their husband’s helper as defined in Scripture, wives are helping their husbands walk in their role as head of the household and modeling the relationship between God and His people.

I am Gabriel, but my friends call me Gabe. I am a father of two fine sons and husband to an incredible woman, @submittedwife, who truly is the better half of Us. We’ve been married almost 29 years and have started applying Biblical Traditional Gender Roles (BTGR) to our marriage about 4 years ago. I put a stale crust of bread on our table as an engineer. I’m curious by nature and love to learn about pretty much anything.

One area that has thus far failed all my attempts at understanding is the mind of a woman. Peering into the mind of a woman and truly being able to understand her is the Super Bowl of masculine feats.  Many a good man has tried but all have failed - most have failed miserably.  Understanding the thinking and emotions of a woman is so foreign to mere mortal men that it is an entirely unattainable goal.  I’m being light-hearted here.

Guys, on the other hand, are not complex creatures. If I respond, “Nothing,” to the question, “What are you thinking?” you can be sure that I am honestly, truly thinking about nothing. Go ahead, ladies, can you do that? I’ll pause a minute while you try.  If a man is asked if he’s hungry, he will be able to give a straight forward answer and, unlike women, not wonder if she should do the laundry first or did Sally really mean that comment she made the way it sounded.

Women, unlike men, are a jumble of simultaneous thoughts and emotions akin to standing in a mental/emotional Grand Central Station. Is this state of mind better or worse than men? No, just very, very different.

So why this rambling? I love and am committed to @submittedwife and want to meet her needs. With that, I have just placed one foot on a slippery slope leading to my trying to understand her mental and emotional needs. Of course, my being a mere man, means I will utterly and miserably fail but I want to try nonetheless because she is my precious Bride. I’m being lighthearted and joking around but BTGR has forced me to pay attention to @submittedwife’s emotional state in a way I never have before. In the past if she was in a tizzy for one reason or another, I would normally just let her work it out by herself. I cared but I had no means to help her.

Now, I intervene and by delving into her thoughts and emotions, I try to understand where she’s at. I listen to the tone of her voice, look into her eyes, and try to read her myriad facial expressions. Often talking and especially listening bring the issue to resolution. For me, it’s problem solved. For her, it’s feeling loved and cared for and maybe problem solved is she was looking for advice and not just my ear.  Guys, sometimes women just want us to listen and not try to solve whatever it is they’re telling us.  Who’d a thunk it?

Speaking of facial expressions, men have 12 facial expressions. Smile, frown, thinking of something, thinking of nothing… I can’t remember the rest but I know there are twelve. Women, on the other hand, have 1,342 facial expressions. Don’t ask me what they are because I don’t have a clue but I’m sure there’s a Top Secret Facial Expression Manual For Women’s Eyes Only (TSFEMFWEO) somewhere that women pass down mother to daughter, generation after generation.  The original TSFEMFWEO manuscripts date back thousands of years and are written on papyrus, or so I’m told. If any men out there have a copy, please raise your hand. Right – just as I thought.

If my wife says something to me and raises her right eyebrow 1 mm that means something – I’m not sure what but it means something. If she raises it 3 mm, well, I know that means something else but I’m still not sure what. My ears are suddenly burning with all the women out there in internet-land poking your fingers in the well-worn and tattered copies of your TSFEMFWEO and shouting at your computer screens, “Well of course it means (insert facial expression name here), silly. Its right here on page 147 in chapter “You Said What?!?” Of course it is. Silly me.

Seriously, though, I had little idea how much her emotional state went right over my head prior to BTGR but now I can proudly say that I have a handle on 23 ½ of her facial expressions.

When my wife approached me with the idea of BTGR, I was apprehensive for several reasons. The primary reason was one of trying to get my head wrapped around the idea that my wife wanted this–especially given her past. At first, I told her I wanted to think about it, which was true. I also wanted her to have a chance to change her mind if she so chose. I must admit to being perplexed when she persisted. I saw her request as the ’S’ word so hated amongst feminists.  At first, I didn’t fully understand Biblical submission as it pertained to marriage.  Sure, I was familiar with the verse that mandated women to “submit to your husband” but I didn’t have God’s perspective.

I turned to God and His Word to seek His will in this. God began showing me lines of authority between husband and wife were Biblical and there are parallels between Jesus being head of the church and a husband being head of his wife. Scripture refers to the church as His bride making the parallels more clear.

God showed me that I was the one responsible for my family. I have to answer to Him for the spiritual atmosphere in our home, not my wife. I am the one responsible for how we have raised our boys, not my wife. Don’t get me wrong, she has a tremendously important role in raising our boys and household operations would come to a screeching halt without her. Though @submittedwife’s role may be vitally important, I am the one held responsible.

I am going somewhere with this.

God also showed me I am responsible to Him for how I treat my wife. Do I lift her up? Do I regularly pray for her? Am I a blessing to her? Am I her strength? Her spiritual authority?

Let’s start zeroing in…

Do I provide guidance for her? Am I a calming influence for her when she gets rattled? When she needs assurance of my love and commitment, do I provide it in a positive manner? When she needs assurance that I am strong enough to be head of our household, do I provide affirmation in a way that settles her spirit? Do I lovingly correct her in a manner that will help her grow as a child of God, woman, wife, and mother of two great sons?

Given the way men and women’s minds work, these last questions can only be answered and addressed through BTGR. I came to realize that BTGR has as it’s foundation, two principles. The first must be set in place before the second can thrive. I must, 1. love my wife with all my heart and create an environment in which she can, 2. trust me enough to submit to my authority and leadership. She has recently learned that submission and obedience are inexorably linked.

God painted the following picture for me that seems help me understand.  God’s love manifest through me toward my wife is the foundation of our marriage.  Just as God loved us first, I must love my wife first.  His love is unconditional and so too must my love for my wife be unconditional.  This love is the foundation on which she anchors her trust so that her submission to my leadership can flourish.

I Corinthians 13:4-7 defines that love.  “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

(via tradcatfem)