oblivious

I reviewed some of my posts in this blog and it happened that a lot of them were about you. ‘Kamusta na kaha ka?’ this was the first question came out in my mind as I read those letters I wrote for you. How are you really doing? How about Z? Did you still pursue her?

Well, since that time when I found out that you liked my best friend, I stopped myself as well from liking you. Yes, it was never only a like. I know it was more than that. I fell for you. Deep. I don’t want to admit it but I loved you. That is why it hurt me so much when I found out that you like her, of all girls in the universe. It was never been easy to move away from you, but I thought it would be more easier to do such thing than staying as your friend and hurting. I don’t deserve to get hurt G, you once told me that. So I chose to walk away.

I remember one time when you asked me to hang out with you because it has been a long time since you were with me. You said you missed me. On that time, I betrayed my heart. It sound like lullabies in my ear to hear that you missed me, the one I loved missed me. The assumptions grew again G, when we hang out again, the two of us, together. You treated me great foods, asked me to watch a movie and ride in the Octopus ride with you (at Mugna). I can still remember the smile painted on my face because I was too damn happy being with you.

On that night, on the same day, you also told me everything. Everything about Z. You told me that Z rejected you for a date so you asked me instead. I knew it, I knew it from the start G. And even if my heart seems were pierce with knives, I smiled back and tap your side. I even said, ‘Naa rako dri G, when you need a friend to listen.’ My heart were still aching G, as I’m writing this to you right now. Not because the pain had not still gone, but I feel pity on myself to deserve the pain.

Friends. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s all we are.

Nagmahal lang naman ako G. Forgive me for falling. Forgive me for loving you when I’m not allowed to. Forgive me for crossing the line. And forgive me for breaking my promise. Again I walked away because the pain was no longer bearable, I guess. I made a decision and it was firmed: blocked you in my social accounts and in my life.

If given the chance to bring back the time, I will not curse you for coming into my life and loving you G. I wanted it.  Things happens for a reason G. After few years, a man came into my life and give what you could never give to me before. He fulfilled the space for laughter and happiness in me that I thought I could find in you. At last, someone made me laugh and placed butterflies in my stomach. Someone would have never came if I didn’t went away. Well, I love him G. Deeper than I did on you. You don’t need to freaked out.

Friends. Nothing more, nothing less. And I guess that’s all we’ll ever be.

So it is already past midnight. The rain is pouring out heavily outside and I hear the harmonious drops of rain fall from the roof. Omg. I missed this feeling. Hahaha. I used to blog and I usually do it when it’s raining bcos I became melancholic for some unknown reason. Lol

Anyway, it’s been a while since I visit this blog. I almost forgot about the existence of this blog until one of my student happened to lost and found it. She told me she liked this blog. My eyes widened when she told me that. Like omg. I reviewed some of my posts and gaaaaaaash, I defnitely sucked in English grammars. It was so embarrassing to know that one of student is reading it. Jusko. I really apologize for my grammars and all. I was never been a good student when I learned English at school. Huhubels.