There's a person behind that badge you know?

What strikes Jean first is how crushingly unfair it all was. It could have been anyone but it was Alice, it happened to Alice. Can’t imagine losing that much in so short a period of time.

Bites her lip without realizing it, second hand rage rooting itself in her chest.

“That’s cruel…” Says it without realizing it, “I-I… fuck, I’m sorry,” She stammers. Knows that she’ll kill him, or at least do her best, if she ever has the misfortune of encountering him, “You don’t have to go it alone anymore,” she shrugs, hoping this is some small consolation, “I’ve got your back. I’ll vouch to Maria that you did what you did to keep me safe, to try and save the prisoners.”

“It is what it is.” It’s weird, she thinks, someone pitying her. No one had done that yet, not even Maria, who was perhaps softer than many would think. Brushes a piece of her out of her face, fingers catching in the blood that had matted several strands together, and sighs. All she wants is a shower. 

Jeans next statement hits a nerve, You don’t have to go it alone. Doesn’t think about about the people who had made that promise before, the people she had gotten killed, or scared away, or had just abandoned out of shame. “That’s a nice sentiment.” 

There’s no way she’s getting off, though. No way she’s avoiding this punishment, whatever it was. Decides that, if she’s lucky, it’ll just be a suspension from active duty. That they won’t just turn her over to the CCG as soon as they get back. 

"No." she says, "No I think you did what you had to. I was in danger but it wasn't your fault... I signed up for this, assumed I'd crack a rib at some point. You didn't think it was anything other than a normal op, didn't put us there on purpose."

“What can I say, I’m a helpful person, and it’s been a while since I’ve been in a good fight,“ 

She took the last sip of her drink and set it down on the bar. Looked over at Clutch.

“It’s different when people deserve it, I think, like you can always tell when someone hasn’t been punched in the face ‘cause they walk around acting like nothing can happen to ‘em, when in reality they could totally get punched in the face”

She decides to sit down, dull ache in her ribs becoming enough of an annoyance to surrender. Leans against the arm of the chair, slinging her leg over the side so she can face Alice without staring at her directly.

Takes in the other girl’s appearance, frowns a little at the sheer amount of stress and sadness that was apparent in her appearance. Quickly clears her face, listens, and nods.

“That’s pretty young,” voice low, tone somber. Shakes her head can’t help but think of her own childhood lost, won’t, pushes that to the back of her mind to smile reassuringly at Alice.

“Was only five years ago.” 

Doesn’t feel that recent. Feels like an entire different life, so much had happened since the crash, it seemed so small. Brings her thumbnail to her mouth, teeth chipping into the end of it for a moment as she thinks. It was difficult, piecing everything together.

“Parents died on impact. I was just there. Wasn’t a busy road, took a few hours for someone to find us. The ambulance was so loud.” It’s factual, the way she speaks, like reading from a file. No emotion, no grief, just a cold resignation. She had come to terms with the incident a long time ago. 

Bites her lip without realizing it, second hand rage rooting itself in her chest.

“They’re nice enough tattoos,” she leaned closer to him, “And between you and me I don’t think you’d hurt a fly but you can never really be too careful.”

She straightened up, ran her index finger around the rim of her glass, “Don’t see how you should be complaining seeing as I’m buying you a drink.”

She took the last sip of her drink and set it down on the bar. Looked over at Clutch.

“Good way to meet people,” she smirked. She accepted the drink, taking a sip without turning her attention away from Clutch. 

She shook her head chuckling slightly at her own joke, “I like to keep the peace, and dudes usually back off when a lady gets in between them,” She shrugged, “And I wasn’t sure you were gonna actually make sure that girl got home okay…” She trailed off listing the reasons, “Let’s just say it’s not the first time or the last time.”

“That’s true. Even shit heads usually won’t swing at a girl.” He pointed out. “You weren’t sure I–wait really?” He squinted at her. “Are you judging me by my tattoos or? What?” Clutch called her out with the slightest smirk on his lips. 

“They’re nice enough tattoos,” she leaned closer to him, “And between you and me I don’t think you’d hurt a fly but you can never really be too careful.”

“Fuck,” Jean muttered under her breath. She shakes her head in disbelief, trying to imagine what it had been like, not quite able to put herself there.

“I mean, if you ever need to like talk or something… I’m still your partner. And it’s a pretty long flight home,” cocks her head to the side giving her half a shrug.

“The eye’s pretty cool actually, kind of badass.”

If you want to talk.

Does she? 

Has never told anyone about how she came to be a Ghoul, not the details at least. SHIELD knew she was previously human, but that was as far as their information went. It had always been too much, too painful, and the memories were hazy at the best of times. 

Right now, it seemed, they were clear enough for her to recall. Looks down at her fingernails, bruised black and an easy reminder of her time at Aogiri. Supposes there isn’t any harm in sharing with Jean, it wasn’t like she’d be spending a lot of time with the other any more, given how SHIELD were going to punish her when she went back. 

Mustn’t think of that, though. 

Takes in the other girl's appearance, frowns a little at the sheer amount of stress and sadness that was apparent in her appearance. Quickly clears her face, listens, and nods.

“Jean,” she said holding her hand up to the bartender absentmindedly, “Sand that, sounds like a deal,” she raised her eyebrow, a hint of a smirk flashing across her face “Clutch,”

Having finally captured the attention of the bartender she flashed the smile that she had reserved for bartenders and boys who would try and fail to ask her on dates.

“I’ll have a Jameson on the rocks, and you can put whatever he’s having on my tab,” she said.

"Jean,” he nodded, “Good to meet-cha.” Clutch smirked. He turned to the bartender, “Oh um, a gin and tonic light on the ice yeah?” He knew how bartenders worked, heavy ice saved them the alcohol. Clutch turned back to Jean. “So, you usually jump between could be fights huh?”

She shook her head chuckling slightly at her own joke, “I like to keep the peace, and dudes usually back off when a lady gets in between them,” She shrugged, “And I wasn’t sure you were gonna actually make sure that girl got home okay...” She trailed off listing the reasons, “Let’s just say it’s not the first time or the last time.”

She clamps her jaw shut, knows her mouth would hang open if she didn’t make the effort.

She listens to the other girl speak, sounding like she’s reading off a script. Shakes her head, shifts from side to side before speaking, “I guess that explains some stuff,” relaxes her posture again. If Alice wanted to hurt her, she thought, then she would have done it already.

Crosses her arms over her chest, smirks, “Partner’s a partner.”

She’s known Alice, worked beside her for months, she wasn’t soft, wasn’t warm but she isn’t cruel or evil by any stretch of the imagination. Decides right then and there that she was going to trust her until she gives her a reason not to.

Laughs at Jeans response, a sharp bark as she leans back in her seat. There are tears in her eyes, tinged red, and she won’t admit to them if Jean asks. Doesn’t believe it, can’t process someone not reacting to her nature with hate, with fear, with disgust. 

"I mean, if you ever need to like talk or something... I'm still your partner. And it's a pretty long flight home," cocks her head to the side giving her half a shrug.

Hand shoots out instinctively to stop her hurting herself, stops halfway, hand shaking slightly, “You’re bleeding,” Is all she says. Trying to casually slip her hand into her pocket.

“And ghouls are what? Alien? Supernatural? Scientific?” She names off a few of the categories Hill had given her for the new threats she was discovering every day. Doesn’t want to upset her any more than she already has but can’t see a way to move forwrd without knowing.

“You’re on my side, didn’t let me die back there, so whatever you are, I don’t think it’s gonna be bad enough to change anything.”

“Supernatural.”

Can already feel her stomach tightening, anticipation of what had only ever been a terrible reaction. Won’t look at Jean, can’t look at Jean, shame sitting like a rock in her chest. Fist unclenches slowly, she looks down at her palm as flesh knits itself back together, not even leaving a scar.

She listens to the other girl speak, sounding like she's reading off a script. Shakes her head, shifts from side to side before speakind, "I guess that explains some stuff," relaxes her posture again. If Alice wanted to hurt her, she thought, then she would have done it already.

Crosses her arms over her chest, smirks, "Partner's a partner."

“Equality for who?” She asks before considering if she really wanted to know. Reconsiders quickly, “You don’t have to answer that of it’s a hard one.” Notices how she still says “we” like she still belongs with them, doesn’t think Alice is a traitor, she likes to think she’s a pretty good judge of character.

“What was it like?” She asked, “Japan, I mean. Always thought it looked nice but I’ve never been, guess I will eventually.” She shrugs.

The ground underneath of her bucks one more time, she winces as sharp pain stabs through her body. Reaches her arm up to grab the overhead to balance herself.

“Must be pretty nice to heal so fast,” she tries to crack a joke.

The question makes her pause. She would never deny that she was a Ghoul, it was too much a part of her to ignore, and just because she wasn’t forthcoming with the information didn’t mean she was pretending to be human. But there was still something nice about Jean not seeing her as a monster, as something other.  

“Ghouls.” 

Wonders if she can leave it at that, if her subordinate would be happy with the response, even if the name without a definition meant practically nothing. Knows it probably won’t be, Jean was always after more it seemed, but decides she won’t elaborate until the other asks. 

“It’s very clean.” Japan holds fond memories, not nearly as many as her bad ones, largely from the rear-end of her time there. The cafe she had worked at, the people she had worked with from Aogiri who were only there because they had taken over the ward and so didn’t have any other choice. 

Jean’s next quip makes her flinch, a reaction she regrets almost immediately, can tell the other was only trying to loosen the tension. Any mention of her healing abilities just sends her back to Aogiri, to Kanou, to training. To being strapped down and taken apart over and over and over and over and overandoverandoverand-

"And ghouls are what? Alien? Supernatural? Scientific?" She names off a few of the categories Hill had given her for the new threats she was discovering every day. Doesn't want to upset her any more than she already has but can't see a way to move forwrd without knowing.

Jean raises an eyebrow, “Doves?” She says, “Doves are birds.”

She relaxes her posture, her 90 degree spine putting pressure on her ribs finally gives out. She leans against the wall, taking a more casual stance with her superior.

“Well you’re on the right side now,” she says before thinking about it for a moment,“What does his side want?”

Jean’s relaxed stance is comforting, suddenly everything doesn’t seem so stressful, so serious. “Birds are birds. Doves are murderers.” Ignores the hypocrisy in her statement, she was no less a monster than the investigators were. 

“Yeah, sure. The right side.” Won’t admit that the side she’s on isn’t really that important to her, more so that her own safety was what she had joined SHIELD for. Sure, she had left Aogiri - and Japan as a whole - because she knew what she was doing with them was wrong, but she hadn’t really felt that much remorse about her actions (or, at least, didn’t allow herself to feel any remorse). Shrugs at the next question, cracking her finger subconsciously. 

"What was it like?" She asked, "Japan, I mean. Always thought it looked nice but I've never been, guess I will eventually." She shrugs.

The ground underneath of her bucks one more time, she winces as sharp pain stabs through her body. Reaches her arm up to grab the overhead to balance herself.

Her breath catches as her back hits the wall. She stiffens her jaw, clenching her teeth and shifting awkwardly under Alice’s weight.

Jean watches her fall away, tries to contain her anger but can’t quite manage.

“I think I do!” She says louder than she intended.

“I don’t care what you are or what’s up with your freaky eyes and whatever the fuck came out of your back. I want to know what I need to know to keep people safe. To help you and not just stand there like a useless rookie” there’s an edge to her voice she doesn’t like but she can’t drop it.

“If I die in the field, that’s on me not you. Less likely to happen if I know what the hell is going on.”

For once, she doesn’t have anything to say.

She watches Jean, her eyes seeming to see too much and absolutely nothing all at once. It was the same gaze she had levelled her with when they first met, yet it seemed more raw, like someone would analyse a piece of meat. The same way someone looked at their food. And then she blinked, and the look was gone, replaced with the same cold eyes she had carried for a while now. 

“Yeah,” She laughs, hand coming up to run through her hair as she leans back, eyes focusing up on the ceiling of the jet, “Suppose you’re right.” Stomach churns, she doesn’t know how to say it, doesn’t know how she can make it sound better. Knows she can’t, knows there’s no way to sugarcoat the disgusting reality of her nature. 

She relaxes her posture, her 90 degree spine putting pressure on her ribs finally gives out. She leans against the wall, taking a more casual stance with her superior.

“I’ll hold on,” she says not wavering as the plane jolts her slightly. She feels her ribs shift, winces but doesn’t move.

“I think we’re way past clearance levels. The second I was brought on this mission, the second Hill made me your partner, it became my level. ”

She crosses her arms and sighs, “I don’t like to fail, and that mission was an undeniable failure, maybe if you’d told me what the hell was going on sooner, we could have stood a chance. Maybe if you hadn’t ordered me to stand there like a target with a heartbeat, my ribs wouldn’t be broken.”

She falls quiet for a minute or so before blowing her hair out of her face, “I’ve seen some things, I know things now, that a year and a half ago I would have thought were impossible. Hill’s gonna have to tell me when we get back, I’ll fill in the blanks myself if I have to,” she lets the final sentence hang over their heads before softening.

“I’d rather hear it from you is all,”

She’s moving before her better judgement can say otherwise, pushing up from her chair and flicking the jet into autopilot in the same movement. Doesn’t even take her a second to have her hands bunched in Jeans shirt, pushing the other against the wall with enough pressure for it to hurt, but not cause any more damage.  

There’s something dark in her eyes, something inhuman and hungry, something that’s done this so many times for much more sinister reasons. There’s still blood on her face, it’s matted in her hair and it stains her teeth when she finally opens her mouth. 

“If you had followed my fucking orders instead of rushing someone who could break your spine like a fucking chopstick then you wouldn’t have any broken ribs. That’s on you.” Can’t have someone else’s injury blamed on her, not again, her conscious can’t take it. 

“You think you deserve to know anything? What the fuck do you think we are Hanson? We aren’t friends, we’re coworkers, and that’s the fucking end of it. You don’t deserve to know anything about me.” Knows she shouldn’t be letting herself get angry, not this soon after using her kakuja, can already feel it tingling under her skin, just waiting for another moment of weakness to burst forward. Doesn’t think she’ll be able to control it so well a second time. 

Jean watches her fall away, tries to contain her anger but can't quite manage.

"I think I do!" She says louder than she intended.

"I don't care what you are or what's up with your freaky eyes and whatever the fuck came out of your back. I want to know what I need to know to keep people safe. To help you and not just stand there like a useless rookie" there's an edge to her voice she doesn't like but she can't drop it.

She nods, “Keep it need to know then,” she respects the clearance system, doesn’t like it but understands why it’s in place. Something’s happening. She assures herself that if it’s alien or supernatural she’ll be debriefed when they got back to HQ. She takes a moment to look at the red spikes, look like something out of a horror movie, but then again so do a lot of the thing’s she’s seen.

She’s still fiddling with the lock when she hear’s the one in Alice’s hand snap. They’re brittle but she can’t understand how Alice managed so quickly.

“If I can avoid it I will,”

The lock finally broke when she twisted her knife into the keyhole and pulled. The people inside looked sluggish, desperate, and malnourished. Jean took the hand of one woman and helped her to her feet.

“They need medical attention.”

“There’s a med kit on the jet, I’ll try and treat the bad ones until we can get some medics over here.” Does her best to look gentle to the prisoners, her face soft and comforting and she knows they can see the same malice in her eyes that their kidnappers had. Manages to lead those who can walk out of the cage, going slow and steady in case they collapsed. 

Getting them all out was easier than Alice had expected, and she can’t help but feel like everything was about to go so incredibly wrong. She checks back over her shoulder, constantly listening for the sound of Jeans breathing, doing her best to not go absolutely crazy with paranoia as the two guide the 7 remaining humans who hadn’t already died. But they’re close to the quinjet, and Alice allows herself some semblance of calm. 

“Wonderful to see you again, Akaryu.” The man who had just sauntered so casually in front of their party, sickly sweet smile as he pauses in the centre of the corridor to stare towards the half-Ghoul. “Or, have you changed your name again? Joined another club, I see - how long do you think it is until they kick you out?” 

“Yeah, well, occupational hazard with SHIELD, right?”

Knows it is no where near a standard occupational hazard, not even for field agents, but the half-Ghoul can’t really think of anything else to say. “There’s tramadol in the medpack if you want some. Broken ribs are supposed to hurt, right?”

“Yeah, they do, hurts like hell but I’ll be fine without,” she waves away the painkillers, grabs onto the overhead compartment and pulls herself to her feet. She hobbles closer to Alice, leans against the wall.

“How ‘bout you? You hurting or is there something I need to know about my partner?”

She pulls the medpack down from the overhead compartment. Pulls out a beige bandage, rips open the paper with her teeth, peels off the wax paper on the back and wraps it around the small cut on her finger.

It’s a lie, and a bad one at that. All she can think about is how much shit she’s about to be in with Maria, with SHIELD. They had spent so much time warning her about what they would have to do if she ever lost control - the only way to get the board to agree to hire her was to have the safeguards. One foot out of line and they’d send her to the CCG for the Doves to dispose of her (although whether or not she would let a Dove kill her was a different question).

Stiffens as Jean gets closer, adjusting her grip on the controls, but otherwise shows no major signs of her discomfort. Doesn’t want to tell her, doesn’t know how. Knows she won’t be able to take her reaction - Jean was one of the only people she interacted with who didn’t think she was a monster. Although, that fact was probably dead in the water after her display back on the ground.

"I think we're way past clearance levels. The second I was brought on this mission, the second Hill made me your partner, it became my level. "

She crosses her arms and sighs, "I don't like to fail, and that mission was an undeniable failure, maybe if you'd told me what the hell was going on sooner, we could have stood a chance. Maybe if you hadn't ordered me to stand there like a target with a heartbeat, my ribs wouldn't be broken."

She falls quiet for a minute or so before blowing her hair out of her face, "I've seen some things, I know things now, that a year and a half ago I would have thought were impossible. Hill's gonna have to tell me when we get back, I'll fill in the blanks myself if I have to," she lets the final sentence hang over their heads before softening.

She nods, “Keep it need to know then,” she respects the clearance system, doesn’t like it but understands why it’s in place. Something’s happening. She assures herself that if it’s alien or supernatural she’ll be debriefed when they got back to HQ. She takes a moment to look at the red spikes, look like something out of a horror movie, but then again so do a lot of the thing’s she’s seen.

She’s still fiddling with the lock when she hear’s the one in Alice’s hand snap. They’re brittle but she can’t understand how Alice managed so quickly.

“If I can avoid it I will,”

The lock finally broke when she twisted her knife into the keyhole and pulled. The people inside looked sluggish, desperate, and malnourished. Jean took the hand of one woman and helped her to her feet.

“They need medical attention.”

“There’s a med kit on the jet, I’ll try and treat the bad ones until we can get some medics over here.” Does her best to look gentle to the prisoners, her face soft and comforting and she knows they can see the same malice in her eyes that their kidnappers had. Manages to lead those who can walk out of the cage, going slow and steady in case they collapsed. 

Getting them all out was easier than Alice had expected, and she can’t help but feel like everything was about to go so incredibly wrong. She checks back over her shoulder, constantly listening for the sound of Jeans breathing, doing her best to not go absolutely crazy with paranoia as the two guide the 7 remaining humans who hadn’t already died. But they’re close to the quinjet, and Alice allows herself some semblance of calm. 

“Wonderful to see you again, Akaryu.” The man who had just sauntered so casually in front of their party, sickly sweet smile as he pauses in the centre of the corridor to stare towards the half-Ghoul. “Or, have you changed your name again? Joined another club, I see - how long do you think it is until they kick you out?” 

“Yeah, well, occupational hazard with SHIELD, right?”

Knows it is no where near a standard occupational hazard, not even for field agents, but the half-Ghoul can’t really think of anything else to say. “There’s tramadol in the medpack if you want some. Broken ribs are supposed to hurt, right?”

"Yeah, they do, hurts like hell but I'll be fine without," she waves away the painkillers, grabs onto the overhead compartment and pulls herself to her feet. She hobbles closer to Alice, leans against the wall.

"How 'bout you? You hurting or is there something I need to know about my partner?"

She pulls the medpack down from the overhead compartment. Pulls out a beige bandage, rips open the paper with her teeth, peels off the wax paper on the back and wraps it around the small cut on her finger.

Jean relaxed into her seat and turned on the cloaking systems. The flight went smoothly and efficiently and within 14 hours of taking off Jean was steering the plane into a hangar that they had arranged to rent for the time Alice and Jean would be in Russia. A stern looking Russian man met them on the runway and within 15 minutes Jean was driving an ATV through rural Russia.

She turned to Alice tapping her on the shoulder.

“So what’s your plan?”

Her head snaps up, the suddent contact startling her for a moment before she relaxes. 

“The best one is probably to stake it out for a few days, see how often they go in and out, find any patterns.” She began, looking down at her notes as she rattled off ideas.

"You make the plans and I'll shoot the bad guys" she smirks tapping her sidearm against her leg.

Jean sighed “You are human Alice, you’re one of the most human people I know” Jean stayed where she sat to give Alice her space.

It broke Jean to see the normally callous, cold and calculating Alice sobbing in the middle of the kitchen “What’s so bad about being a freak” Jean tried to make a joke “It’d be so boring to be like everybody else” Jean didn’t know what to say so she said the first thing she thought of, whether it was helpful or not.

“You know that isn’t what I mean!” Her fist jutted out to strike the cabinet, wood splintering under the force. 

"You know if I could fix it I would. If I could bring back everyone you've lost, I would. I'd do it all for you because you're my best friend, you're my partner," She looks up at her and shakes her head.