Based on the song Andrew in drag
I haven't written a fabfic in ages so please barely with me:)
Rimmer lost a bet, he stupidly placed a bet with cat that he would win the golf match again lister.
Cat decided the punishment would be dressing rimmer up as a girl, using outfits and make up from the past females aborad the red dwarf to dress rimmer in full glam.
Rimmer protested but after cat dragged him away he decided to just go with it, while making it as difficult as possible.
He wiggled and flinched everytime cat would attempt to do his make up. At one point kryten had to hold him back, apologizing half hearted ly while doing so.
Lister wasn't in the mood, today was the anniversary of his break up with kochansky. Of course that was 3 million years ago but it still effected him.
Mostly it reminded him of his situation, stuck in space with a cat that evolved to a human, a servant mechanoid, and a hologram of the most annoying person on the ship.
being his roommate for so long, lister got use to most of his annoying antics. He told himself he hated him, that he was the most neurotic, self absorbed, smeghead he knew, and while most of that was true, deep down there was something there, something he didn't want to admit.
Lister was playing his gutair in his in rimmers room when cat came in, "dude you got to see this!"
"See what?" Lister said forgetting about the bet
"Damn get your head out of the clouds dude, we dressed rimmer up as a chick because of the failed golf match, that somehow you won despite your angsty mood"
"Howd you get him to agree to that?" Lister said sitting up a bit.
Cat pulled out a bottle of vodka, "just some magic" he smirked
"Well hand it over," lister said grabbing it, "if I gotta see rimmer in a short dress ill need some,"
"Ay this is my art, he actually kinda looks good but you didn't hear that from me"
"Sure" lister chugged down the vodka before getting up, "let's see him"
Rimmer leaned against the wall, he was trashed, he adjusted his fish nets and walked over to the mirror, looking at himself.
He wasn't sure what to feel, cat did a fantastic job, which he hated. He had a brown long hair wig on, a small black dress and fish nets, his make up was subtle but made him 10x more feminine.
He turned when he heard the door open.
Lister walked in, drunkenly laughing with cat. But the laughing stopped when he seen rimmer.
He was frozen, his heart was beating out of his chest, he tried brushing it off, he was clearly just drunk right?
Rimmer walked over, his heels clicking as he struggled to walk in them, "how long do I have to stay like this?"
Cat smirked, "entertain us first"
"Smeg no, how will I do that"
Cat held out a shot glass, "ill give you another shot if you walk the cat walk,"
"I dont know how to do that"
"Sure you do" lister said without thinking, "we've seen movies, you can do it" why he was encouraging it so strongly he didn't know, but the alcohol was taking over.
Rimmer rolled his eyes, taking the shot, he turned and walked in the middle of the room, swaying his hips, he hands resting on his waist, he reached the end of the room, and turned sassyly, before walking back, struggling with the heels.
Lister watched intensely, his body practically shaking, he felt like a dog.
Cat noticed but assumed he was just admiring his work.
Kryten watched nervously, worrying about rimmer breaking something considering he looked like he was going to face plant.
Lister couldn't stop himself, he was practically drolling over rimmer.
After a long night of rimmer attempting to be sexy, and lister falling hard for rimmer in drag.
The night calmed down and lister was in charge of getting rimmer back to their room.
Both men were drunk, laughing over something stupid.
They made it to their room, both of them flopped into the chairs. "You know.." rimmer slurred, "I could tell you were staring"
"Pfft I was just admiring cats work"
"Bullshit," rimmer leaned onto the table, "you were drooling plus it was the first time all week you didn't look suicidal" he said dramatically
"Well seeing a smeg head in full glam is a bit entertaining" lister argued despite staring at rimmers thighs
"Sure" he laughed spreading his legs slightly
Lister watched intensely, practically drooling again.
Before he could fully process rimmer got up, "I'm getting changed, I dont know how women do this"
As rimmer left the room with his clothes, lister watched the door, a feeling of disappointment washed over him.
He couldnt process his feelings, rimmer was right it was the first time in a week where he wasn't thinking of kochansky or his old life.
Instead he realized that he wanted rimmer, he could accept it, he stood up abruptly, stepping back, he could come to terms with the fact that he might find rimmer hot.
The only boy he'd ever shag was Rimmer in drag, he'll never see that girl again, it was all a bet.
He thoughts were interrupted but rimmer coming back in, makeup smeared on his face, he was in his sleep clothes.
He threw the clothes from before on the floor, and crawled into his bunk.
Lister watched before doing the same.
But he couldn't sleep, he just pictured rimmer in the dress.
He closed his eyes feeling disappointed and a whole new version of depressed.
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