the law of text messaging

(613): I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.

(609): LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HIS LIFE TOGETHER?

(330): Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

(830): I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that.

(847): I’m surrounded by too many unhungover people.

(609):  And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you

(519): And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.

(276): I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me

(212): There’s an official council for his exes. They told me they ‘look forward to the day I join them’.

(585): I'm sorry if your life is a sore subject.

Wipe that smile off your face.

(816): I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way, I'm sorry.

(207): You are not my drinking buddy. You are my drinking enemy.

(610): its not stalking. its research.

(412): This is sufficient.