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@lavendershazy

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one time in the locker room a rookie comes up to shane and ilya asking how they call each other, like “do you call him bro?” and shane and ilya both stop and look at each other and then break into a huge grin and say at the exact same time “BRO” and ilya goes “you’re more than my bro, you’re my homie” and shane’s like “broooo you can always count on me” and they dap each other up while the rest of the cens are laughing their heads off and the rookie is sitting there in his stall beet red from embarrassment.
Baby Ilya crashing out on the ice because his mom says it's time to go to bed (it is incredibly late even by adult standards) while on the other side of the world baby Shane is jumping on his parents' bed at 5am sharp demanding that they drive him to the rink the second it opens. Many such cases.
Ilya stops smoking, because he knows it's bad for his health and Shane hates it. But sometimes, when it gets very stressful he still needs the familiarity if it, to just calm his mind.
Enter his best friend Troy Barrett.
One day after a shitty practice, Ilya is sitting by the back exit playing with his lighter. He doesn't have a cigarette to light.
Suddenly, Troy parks himself next to him and offers him something small, plastic and cylindrical.
It's bubbles.
Troy got them from a fan a few games ago, they were just sitting in his cubby every since then and he saw people doing it online, so he felt he might as well try it.
And it works.
Now whenever one of them gets stressed they find a quiet spot and start blowing bubbles.
Of course, at some point they get photographed and it turns into a giant meme (imagine something like smoking Ben Affleck, but bubbles).
It's great for their image though and a toy company offers to partner with them.
"and then they fuck about it" is to Hollanov headcanons what "stop" was to telegrams

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where do people get energy from
gay people in movies: i-i-i have a crush on the same gender...maybe i'm gay.....no...i can't be
gay people in real life: have you heard of the san jose sharks
playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes
Hey idk who needs this but helpful reminder that "virgin blood" in any witchcraft shit that requires that means "virgin" in the same sense as "virgin hair" means hair that hasn't been dyed or processed in any way, natural in the default sense. So no, "virgin blood" doesn't mean blood from a virgin, just blood that hasn't been used for any other kind of witchy shit earlier.
Whether nor not someone has fucked before is completely irrelevant. Any act of fucking doesn't instantly make someone contaminated or un-magic any of their shit. You're just not supposed to re-use blood for blood magic. That's just not. Just do not. Like that's just weird who does that.
Way down the line, when they're leading Ottawa to another Stanley Cup, Ilya gets slammed too too hard by some eager new player. He's knocked unconscious and Shane practically flies from the box to the ice, watching as the EMTs intervene and carry him out on a stretcher.
Yuna goes in the ambulance with Ilya — Shane can't get out of his skates fast enough to run over in time, so he drives a few minutes behind them — and she calls Shane to keep him updated. It's fine, it's all fine, Ilya is already semi conscious and talking to them both. Shane's mind goes to all of the worst places anyway.
They lose service when they get in the elevator, but Yuna still sends out a text message with the room number. Shane speeds faster and then bolts through the hospital.
When he finally sees Ilya, minutes later, already in a blue hospital gown and connected to an IV but conscious and beaming up at him, Shane breaks into tears.
"Don't cry, solnyshko," Ilya says. "Come here," he holds out the hand that's free from the needles and Shane takes it.
"I have something important to ask you," Ilya tells him. It suddenly feels so serious. Shane's heart drops.
"Will you come to my cottage this summer?" Ilya says in a sing-songy voice, using his best Canadian accent. "Don't go to Russia. Come to my house, we'll have so much fun..."
Shane laughs. "You remember that?"
"Every fucking word."

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“Did you put on sunscreen?”
Ilya sighed demonstratively and squinted at the sun dancing across the surface of the water.
“Yes.”
“Did you really?”
Ilya looked up when Shane came to stand at his side, in turn looking down to where Ilya was sitting on the dock, feet dangling in the water.
“Relax, Hollander. Russians do not get sunburn.”
Shane snorted. “And I have the photos on my phone to prove that you’re full of shit, Rozanov.”
Ilya scrunched his face but Shane only raised his eyebrows at him, unimpressed, looking like a very strict boyfriend. It was so hot.
“Yes,” Ilya said finally and raised his hand, drawing a cross over his heart with his finger. “Cross my heart.”
“Everywhere?”
“Yes, made sure to get my dick too. I know you would not forgive me if I couldn’t fuck you because of a sunburn.”
Shane shoved at him with his foot, rolling his eyes but smiling anyway. “You know what I mean, asshole. And I wouldn’t forgive you if you got skin cancer because you refuse to put on sunscreen.”
“I know.” Ilya smiled softly at him. “Which is why I’m best boyfriend and put on sunscreen. Look, I even took it outside with me to reapply later.” He groped around for the bottle of sunscreen to hold it up and waggle it at Shane.
Shane’s eyes went incredibly fond and he smiled softly. He bent down to kiss Ilya, one hand cupping his cheek gently, fingers grazing his ear.
“I am best boyfriend?” Ilya asked when Shane drew back a little. He didn’t even care how blatantly he was fishing.
Shane grinned and dropped into a crosslegged position behind him. “You’re the best boyfriend. Almost.”
“Almost?” He turned to look over his shoulder and Shane laughed, kissed his cheek.
He grabbed the sunscreen and squirted a small amount onto his palm before spreading it on his fingers. Ilya almost jumped when his slick fingers dug into the skin of the shell of his ears.
“M-hm. You forgot your ears,” Shane said, rubbing the sunscreen into the inside of his ear shell, methodically working it in before moving to the outside, too. “Beginner’s mistake.”
Shane finished slathering up his ears and pressed a soft kiss to the shell of his ear, wrapping his arms around Ilya’s shoulders to pull him back against his chest. “Now you’re perfect.”
Ilya huffed. “I knew you have weird sunscreen kink.”
He felt Shane’s breath of laughter against his shoulder. “No, I’m really into my boyfriend taking care of himself for me.”
Ilya felt himself melt against Shane. He dropped his head back against Shane’s shoulder and blinked up at him, squinting against the sun. Shane was looking at him with so much tenderness, Ilya’s stomach flipped and flipped and flipped.
“I love you.”
Shane kissed his forehead. “I love you, too.”
Watching my toddler figure out how to language is fascinating. Yesterday we were stumped when he kept insisting there was a “Lego winner” behind his bookshelf - it turned out to be a little Lego trophy cup. Not knowing the word for “trophy”, he’d extrapolated a word for “thing you can win”. And then, just now, he held up his empty milk container and said, “Mummy? It’s not rubbish. It’s allowed to be a bottle.” - meaning, effectively, “I want this. Don’t throw it away.” But to an adult ear, there’s something quite lovely about “it’s allowed to be a bottle,” as if we’re acknowledging that the object is entitled to keep its title even in the absence of the original function.
Another good post to read for those writing small human characters.
My son was about three when he came to me in the middle of the day and said, “Mommy, there’s a knight behind the bush.” I thought he meant a toy knight or something. So I follow him outside and he goes, “Listen. Do you hear it? It’s night behind the bush.” It was a cricket. A cricket was standing in the little patch of shade under the bush, chirping. So, my son saw this dark area with accompanying nighttime sounds and decided, okay, well, that is a night right there. Their brains are incredible.
My little bean knows she’s two, constantly saying proudly ‘I’m two!’ And the other day she saw this very frail old lady who looked one foot in the grave, pulled a face and said ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’ I almost screamed.
I live in Korea and have a lot of international friends, and the same is true with language barriers in adults.
*Looking at a bowl of pears* “Can you please pass me the… apple’s friend?”
OH SHIT SHE’S THREE
the two year old bean is now 11, that’s how long this post has been going around, and I STILL bust out laughing like a maniac whenever I read ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’
man y’all remember when the avengers movie came out and everyone headcanoned that all the avengers would live together in the tower and had all these cute posts about various fun ways they could interact and then the movies literally never had any of them even be friends
I want to state, for the record, that “all the avengers would live together in the tower” wasn’t collective headcanon, it was canon. The very last scene of Avengers (2012), the one they left us on, is Tony redesigning the tower, designing a living area for each Avenger. That was, canonically, what was supposed to happen, in canon, and they just changed their minds and decided to… not. For whatever goldarn reason.
GHHFDGJHFDS THATS EVEN FUNNIER WHY IS MARVEL LIKE THIS
Also it was canon for literal decades in the comics. First it was Avengers Mansion which was Tony’s Manhattan family home and then Avengers Tower when Tony built it. At one point Avengers Mansion couldn’t get their trash carried away because in order to operate in the US they had to be an embassy and NYC trash carriers don’t service embassies.
One of the rookies on the Centaurs asking the guys on the team for advice on this girl he's been trying to date. He can't tell if she likes him and is just nervous about taking it to the next level, or if she's trying to let him down easy and he hasn't been able to pick up on it.
He doesn't get much useful advice and soon the guys are arguing about how long you can pursue someone before it starts getting pathetic. Holmberg is at one end of the spectrum at two weeks ("We're rich professional athletes, man, we shouldn't have to try that hard.") and Wyatt Hayes is on the other at three months ("Maybe she likes you but just doesn't want the WAG lifestyle. You need to prove to her that you see her as a person with her own goals separate from yours.")
Then someone notices that Ilya, despite his wealth of experience, hasn't chimed in yet and asks, "What do you think, Cap?"
"Two years."
The entire room goes still.
"What?"
"Two years," Ilya repeats, completely unashamed. "Is not pathetic to go for what you want. Not if you think they're worth it."
In sync, every person in the room turns to look at Shane, who's pretending to fiddle with the laces on his skates, looking pink-faced and vaguely pleased.
Finally, Holmberg turns to the rookie. "Okay, I guess two years is fine if it's Shane Hollander. Is your girl Shane Hollander?"
The poor rookie has no response to that. His girl is, indeed, not literally Shane Hollander.
"Man, gay people move different," LaPointe mutters.
"This is not a gay thing," Troy objects. "This is a Rozanov and Hollander thing."
& I do think that both Shane & Ilya internally are like. Phew thank god I snatched my husband up when I did. Because obviously all of these other hockey gays would want him. He’s the best hottest hockey player in the world why wouldn’t they? Meanwhile the other gay players are thinking Shane & Ilya are only with each other because it’s physically impossible to fuck the game of hockey

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I love characters who are like "I'm a terrible person" but when you look closer it's more like
"I adapted to survive something and now I don't know how to stop being that version of myself."
One legitimately weird thing about Tumblr is that we literally can’t code for shit, many people quit working at Tumblr due to a hostile work environment, and we can’t seem to program a simple blogging website to not flood your RAM.
nearing the 10 year anniversary of banishing editable reblogs
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