Trying My Best

A reminder of the allegations against Neil Gaiman, as shared by Hire Survivors Hollywood, a non-profit group who support survivors of sexual assault. These survivors aren’t just “the victims”: they have names and stories, and their voices deserve to be heard.

Scarlett, who worked as a nanny for Gaiman’s children, revealed that he sexually assaulted her in 2022 when she was 22 and he was 61, initiating an ongoing non-consensual sexual relationship.

K, who met Gaiman at a book signing in 2003 when she was 18 and he was in his mid-40s, describes a similar pattern of rape and sexual assault after they began a sexual relationship two years later.

Caroline Wallner, who worked on Gaiman’s property, revealed that he coerced her into sex by threatening her job and housing, and that he used explicit images and sexual demands to exert control over her.

Julia Hobsbawm was forced to fight off an assault by him in her London home in 1986.

Post GO1 Fluffy One-Shots:

The Gift by rfsmiley - Aziraphale surprises Crowley with a proposal. The writer calls it kind of a Crackfic but I honestly feel like that could totally happen with them.

exhale by darcylindbergh - Crowley and Aziraphale wake up together for the first time.

i know i've kissed you before (but i didn't do it right) by gallantrejoinder - Crowley and Aziraphale try the human invention called 'kissing' for the first time. And the second time.

In Vino Veritas by i_am_a_hog - Crowley is drunk, and rambling, and lovesick.

Love Stories by goodomensblog - Aziraphale and pining, and drunk, and almost sets the shop on fire again.

Strange Bedfellows by laylabinx - Crowley teaches Aziraphale how to sleep.

Love's Such An Old-Fashioned Word by Lavellington - "There has to be, Crowley thinks, a better word than love."

Slow by write_away - After Adam undoes Armageddon, he accidently Cosmic-Retcon Crowley and Aziraphale married! It's both angstier and sweeter than it sounds.

all i need, darling, is a life in your shape by deadgreeks - Crowley and Aziraphale start living their lives together after Armageddon. I think this is the Softest Fic ever, I love it so much.

a city wall and a trampoline by kafkian - Look, I get why a lot of Post-GO1 Fics end with Crowley and Aziraphale moving to the South Downs. But I think 'moving to a little cottage together in domestic bliss while STILL in the Mutual Pining stage of their relationship' is so incredibly on-brand for GO1 Ineffable Husbands and I wish it was utilized more.

Of Celestial Sonnets and Pitiable Poets by triedunture - Regancy-Era Ineffable Husbands. Crowley writes love poetry, hilarity (and kissing) ensues.

Are you sure? by TheLadyZephyr - Very short and sweet first kiss fic!

Poppet by organicgold - Aziraphale gets himself a pet snake, and it's Projection Time.

One Last Thing by TheLadyZephyr - Crowley tries to take a nap, Aziraphale helps.

On The Matter Of Touch by Somedrunkpirate - Crowley has noticed Aziraphale never really touches him, and he's beginning to have Thoughts on the matter. Not sure if the Concept is 100% canon-compatible, even if you only take GO1 into account, but it makes for some interesting drama!

if I could only reach you by imperiousphasmid - Touch-starved Crowley becomes addicted to snake-cuddles.

Perchance to Dream by Clare_Hope - Crowley still has grief-nightmares about Aziraphale's 'death' at the Bookshop Fire.

They Say That He Kissed a Serpent by SanSanFanFan - Crowley and Aziraphale are on their way home back from the Ritz, Aziraphale decides to be bold.

Lean On Me by Spider_Lilly - Crowley POV, Crowley discovers Aziraphale needs some serious, serious help grooming his wings.

Take My Burden (I Cannot Bear It) by Spider_Lilly - the 'other half' of the above story. Same narrative, but from Aziraphale's POV.

Let Sleeping Snakes Lie by Blue_Sparkle - Crowley is a drunken snake, Aziraphale accidently confesses.

Eden 2.0 by Wheel_of_fortune - Crowley and Aziraphale get settled into their new cottage, and figure out how to make it their home.

Birds of a Feather by idiopathicsmile - Aziraphale nests. Maybe my favorite one? I like it when they're Silly.

Book Omens Continuity but the Characterization Also Works for the TV Omens Version of the Characters I think:

Lol B) by maniacalmole - Crowley teaches Aziraphale how to text.

get religion quick (cause you're looking divine) by brinnanza - Right after Armageddon, Aziraphale is drunk, musing about how certain he is Crowley doesn't love him, despite being able to sense love. Definitely Book Continuity (and predates the release of the TV Show by several months), but I do feel like the TV Omens promos influenced the characterization somewhat. Either way, it's a great little story!

you play with my feelings (right from the start) by PenroseSun - Okay, this one IS GO1-Continuity (with a few Book Omens elements) but I knew I had to put it right next to 'get religion quick' because it's deliberately designed as it's 'B-Side', Do Not Separate Them, same basic premise but with the perspective and roles swapped, Crowley is drunk, musing about how certain he is Aziraphale doesn't love him, despite being able to sense desire.

Any Other Name by mostlyanything19 - What if Aziraphale’s name was originally "Aziraphael", but because of its divine nature Crowley is physically unable to say it out loud.

such surpassing brightness by bibliocratic - Crowley discovers Aziraphale had developed a Reputation among Humanity, as a sort of patron saint for queer people, which piques his interest on several levels.

you smiled (and it broke my heart) by edendelatour - Aziraphale suddenly begins to talk about moving away from London, Crowley is troubled, a lot of things are left unsaid, at first.

the still point of the turning world by fruitygoblin - After the Apocalypse, Crowley is starting to have some Feelings. This one feels the most Book-Omens-Specific in terms of characterization and story, but it's just really really good.

Compilations:

You Can Go Faster, Crowley- and other tumblr prompts by Justkeeptrekkin - a very sweet collection of short Ineffable Husbands vignettes based on Tumblr Prompts. My favorite include the title story ('You Can Go Faster, Crowley'), 'Golden Eyes', 'Casablanca and Hand Holding' and 'Don't Dream It's Over'. Also, Justkeeptrekkin has on their Tumblr another short story that doesn't appear to have been cross-posted into AO3 called Your Life is Golden if you want some Badass Protective Aziraphale Content

Blank Cards and Infinite Stakes by Zingiber - Short Good Omens Stories based on randomly generated words! Tend to alternate between adhering to the TV Show to more Book Omens-adjacent . My personal favorites are "Sick", "Serious", "Seeds", "Road-Trip" and "Channel".

Short Multi-Chapter Stories:

All You Need is Love … and Food by thewightknight, with art by PurpleAlmonds - the story of the development of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship told from Aziraphale's perspective via various meals throughout their history. The art by PurpleAlmonds is absolutely incredible!

Snake in The Garden by Starlight_03 - Crowley adopts an injured garden snake, Aziraphale gets confused.

The Play's The Thing by volunteerfd - South Downs Cottage Era, Aziraphale becomes the lead in the local community theatre production of Hamlet, Crowley is Suffering. A lot more of a Silly Comedy than the pure Fluff/Fluff-and-Angst of most of this list, but I like it a lot!

as long as you're mine by thealienmeme - Not even a classic The-Night-in-Crowley's-Flat Love Confession could stop Crowley from having anxieties and doubts. Includes art by the talented lonicera.caprifolium!

In Holy Matrimony by Myracuulous - Outsider POV about the wedding planner hired by Crowley and Aziraphale.

Have Your Cake by summerofspock, with art by Blue_Sparkle - Regency-Era Fluff and Smut.

I hope my Hoard of Fluff gives those of you who need that kind of GO1-Style Joy right now some comfort and softness!

Crowley asks Aziraphale to help him. Stop them. Begs him. Says he needs him. 

But Aziraphale says there’s no point. Heaven and Hell can’t change. It’s the divine plan. And walks away from him. Then turns back from the door and grabs Crowley by the lapels and kisses him. Expecting Crowley to change his mind. Leaves.

But Crowley decides to go, determined to try and avoid the next disaster. And he does. He works hard in the disgusting place he despises to avoid another war while Aziraphale back on Earth spirals, loses the shop to mafia, sleeps next to Crowley’s car that’s gathering dust. 

3 years laters Crowley shows up, looking for lost Eric or somebody and comes across Aziraphale. Dirty and drunk, asleep in alley. Oh but first Mrs Sandwich stops and gives Crowley shit about the whole street falling apart because of him. 

Anyway. The point I was trying make then as now is that Crowley’s behaviour is always seen as normal, expected. And Aziraphale’s as something to fix. He’s the one who doesn’t understand. Who has to learn. Change. Who behaves in ways that metas and fics and art have to ‘correct’.

But if Aziraphale behaved in the exact same way as Crowley, would people feel the same way about him as they do about Crowley? As if he was always right and Crowley wrong?

Oh you can burn every fuse and refuse

Turn your positive minus

Electricity lingers

In our fingers

- Wonderful, Lianne La Havas

It is never truly about a TV show, is it?

If you have had a rough time in your real life for quite a while, and you were waiting for the finale to give you a bit of joy, of course this would hit hard. We are left thinking that even in fiction, a happy and peaceful existence is not an option. Love does not conquer all. The universe is rigged beyond saving. And if this is impossible in fiction, what does it mean for us, for our very real lives?

I get the urge towards that headcanon, and I do think the Crowley in the miniseries comes off as nicer than the one in the book.  (I think miniseries Crowley and Aziraphale are both a little nicer, a little more toothless, than the versions of themselves in the book.)  But maybe it’s because I was a book fan first, or maybe it’s because I just find him infinitely more interesting this way–I think Crowley, even show!Crowley, has the capacity to be very good at his job of sowing evil.  And I think that matters to the story as a whole.

A demon’s job on Earth, and specifically Crowley’s job on Earth, isn’t to make people suffer.  It’s to make people sin.  And the handful of ‘evil’ things we see Crowley do over the course of the series are effective at that, even if the show itself doesn’t explore them a lot.

Take the cell phone network thing, for instance.  This gets a paragraph in the book that’s largely brushed off in the conversation with Hastur and Ligur, and I think it’s really telling: 

What could he tell them?  That twenty thousand people got bloody furious?  That you could hear the arteries clanging shut all across the city?  And that then they went back and took it out on their secretaries or traffic wardens or whatever, and they took it out on other people?  In all kinds of vindictive little ways which, and here was the good bit, they thought up themselves.  For the rest of the day.  The pass-along effects were incalculable.  Thousands and thousands of souls all got a faint patina of tarnish, and you hardly had to lift a finger.

In essence, without any great expenditure of effort (look, I’d never say Crowley isn’t slothful, but that just makes him efficient), he’s managed to put half of London in a mental and emotional state that Crowley knows will make them more inclined to sin.  He’s given twenty thousand or a hundred thousand or half a million people a Bad Day.  Which, okay, it’s just a bad day–but bad days are exhausting.  Bad days make you snap, make you fail at things, make you feel guiltier and more stressed out in the aftermath when you wake up the next day, makes everything a little worse.  Bad days matter.

Maybe it’s because I’m a believer in the ripple effect of small kindnesses, and that means I have to believe in its opposite.  Maybe it’s just that I, personally, have had enough days that were bad enough that a downed cell network (or an angry coworker because of a downed cell network) would honestly have mattered.  But somebody who deliberately moves through the world doing their best to make everyone’s lives harder, with the aim of encouraging everybody around them to be just a little crueler, just a little angrier, just a little less empathetic–you know what, yes.  I do call that successful evil.

It’s subtle, is the thing.  That’s why Hastur and Ligur don’t get it, don’t approve of it.  Not because Crowley isn’t good at his job, but because we’ve seen from the beginning that Hastur and Ligur are extremely out of touch with humanity and the modern world and just plain aren’t smart enough to get it.  It’s a strategy that relies on understanding how humans work, what our buttons are and how to press them.  It’s also a strategy that’s remarkably advanced in terms of free will.  Hastur and Ligur deliberately tempt and coerce and entrap individuals into sinning, but Crowley never even gets close.  We never see him say to a single person, ‘hey, I’ve got an idea for you, why don’t you go do this bad thing?’  He sets up conditions to encourage humans to actually do the bad things they’re already thinking of themselves.  He creates a situation and opens it up to the results of free choice.  Every single thing a person does after Crowley’s messed with them is their own decision, without any demonic coercion to blame for any of it.

You see it again in the paintball match.  “They wanted real guns, I gave them what they wanted.”  In this case, Crowley didn’t need to irritate anybody into wanting to do evil–the desire to shoot and hurt and maybe even kill their own coworkers was already present in every combatant on that paintball field.  Crowley just so happened to be there at exactly the right time to give them the opportunity to turn that fleeting, kind-of-bad-but-never-acted-upon desire into real, concrete, attempted murder.  Sure, nobody died–where would be the fun in a pile of corpses?  But now forty-odd people who may never have committed a real act of violence in their entire lives, caught in a moment of weakness with real live weapons in their hands, will get to spend the rest of their lives knowing that given the opportunity and the tiniest smidgen of plausible deniability, they are absolutely the sort of people who could and would kill another human being they see every single day over a string of petty annoyances.

Crowley understands the path between bad thought and evil action.  He knows it gets shorter when somebody is upset or irritated, and that it gets shorter when people practice turning one into the other.  He understands that sometimes, removing a couple of practical obstacles is the only nudge a person needs–no demonic pressure or circumvention of free will required.

I love this interpretation, because I love the idea that Crowley, who’s been living on Earth for six thousand years, actually gets people in a way no other demon can.  I love the idea that Crowley, the very first tempter, who was there when free will was invented, understands how it works and how to use it better than maybe anyone else.  And I really love the idea that Crowley our hero, who loves Aziraphale and saves the world, isn’t necessarily a good guy.

There’s a narrative fandom’s been telling that, at its core, is centered around the idea that Crowley is good, and loves and cares and is nice, and always has been.  Heaven and its rigid ideas of Right and Wrong is itself the bad thing.  Crowley is too good for Heaven, and was punished for it, but under all the angst and pain and feelings of hurt and betrayal, he’s the best of all of them after all.

That’s a compelling story.  There’s a reason we keep telling it.  The conflict between kindness and Moral Authority, the idea that maybe the people in charge are the ones who’re wrong and the people they’ve rejected are both victim and hero all at once–yeah.  There’s a lot there to connect with, and I wouldn’t want to take it away from anyone.  But the compelling story I want, for me, is different.

I look at Crowley and I want a story about someone who absolutely has the capacity for cruelty and disseminating evil into the world.  Somebody who’s actually really skilled at it, even if all he does is create opportunities, and humans themselves just keep living down to and even surpassing his expectations.  Somebody who enjoys it, even.  Maybe he was unfairly labeled and tossed out of heaven to begin with, but he’s embraced what he was given.  He’s thrived.  He is, legitimately, a bad person.

And he tries to save the world anyway.

He loves Aziraphale.  He helps save the entire world.  Scared and desperate and determined and devoted, he drives through a wall of fire for the sake of something other than himself.  He likes humans, their cleverness, their complexities, the talent they have for doing the same sort of evil he does himself, the talent they have for doing the exact opposite.  He cares.

It’s not a story about someone who was always secretly good even though they tried to convince the whole world and themself that they weren’t.  It’s a story about someone who, despite being legitimately bad in so many ways, still has the capacity to be good anyway.  It’s not about redemption, or about what Heaven thinks or judges or wants.  It’s about free will.  However terrible you are or were or have the ability to be, you can still choose to do a good thing.  You can still love.  You can still be loved in return.